#broken-hearted
I had a dream of clouds of white
And alas,
all i've ever heard were my own screams in the night
I have too much sadness for my own body,
even though I had to live with the label 'fat'
Ironically, I have outgrown this marking
Only to make more on my wrist
I call myself selfish because I cry when people take a left turn
when all I ever wanted was for things to go right for me
I had a dream I was in Paris
With a love of mine I could never deny
But I find myself halfway across the world
Unable to talk to anybody without tripping over the manifestation of rejection, and fear,
because it has grown too big to be kicked to the sidewalk
like I have been
And still, these dreams are so far from reality, no matter how many I think of
None are like the life I live now
Not even close
I don't know
I don't know why my stories only have sad endings
But at least I have nothing to lose
Except the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Oct 29, 2016
Oct 29, 2016 at 2:24 AM UTC
You can continue to love somone even after they have hurt you deeply.
But deep inside of yourself you know that things will never be the same again , at some point your going to have to leave this person . When is the right time? You will never know . You just have to walk to the edge of it all and Jump, learning to grow back the wings you once had.
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 9:53 PM UTC
Selfishness is hated by all
I think to myself as the night crawls in
But i want you to be selfish when it comes to me
As i rest my head on my knees
I want to be owned by you only
But you walk pass by me with her in your arm and leave me here lonely
~
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 10:56 AM UTC
But I'm still there my darling. Hush, hush, hush lest you miss my hymns of melodic agony ringing from your heart. So love other woman, 10, 23, 100 and recite the things your heart once spoke to me but I do not let this make my heart pump doubt and worry fore I will always be there with you as you will always be there with me. Forever and always.
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 7:07 AM UTC
I wonder
How many times
the phrase
"I'm okay"
Has been spoken
With a broken spirit,
bloodshot eyes,
and quivering lips
May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 8:22 PM UTC
I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you until I cry and until you cry. I'll kiss the tears off your face and hold you tighter and breathe in your scent and know I needed this. The scenes of our love will replay over and over again and I'll smile for the first time in years. I'll memorize every inch of you and see you every time I close my eyes and smile even harder. We'll gracefully dance, holding hands like they were always meant to be intwined with each other. We'll go out to dinner and I'll pay every single time because I would go bankrupt for you. we'll have cute little movie dates, and go home, cuddling every night. Even when you're asleep I'll say I love you because I know that that phrase finally belongs to someone, that it means something. We'll raise kids and tell them stories of the past and I'll smile hearing you read to our three year old daughter and our 7 year old son because I know now that it's worth something to live. We'll move into a house with a pool and swim with the kids and laugh, and never worry about fighting because we can't stand to hurt each other. We'll eat watermelon on a sunny summer afternoon and I'll giggle because you have it all over your face. You'll hold me close during thunderstorms and I'll stop you from shaking, and promise I'll protect you no matter the cost and I'll mean it. we'll look at the stars and I'll point to every one and tell a story and your eyes will twinkle in this beautiful light, and I'll fall in love with you all over again. We'll grow old together, visit grandkids and get lots of cats in our cozy forever home but still love to go on walks everyday because it makes you feel young and pretty, though you were always beautiful to me. I'll sit at the end of your hospital bed until you take your final breath and I won't cry but I'll be happy that I fulfilled your life as best as I could and that I protected you till the very end. I'll leave roses by your grave every birthday, and every Valentine's Day and I'll bring you presents for Christmas. I'll tell you how I'm doing and ask you how you are, if you're happy, I'll tell you how our grandkids are doing. I'll talk to you as if you never left.
But none of this happened.
I've become a drunken horrible mess and I cry every night not because you betrayed me but because I can't speak to you without shaking. You won't even speak to me and even if you do its just the same monotonous responses I'm sick of hearing. I don't even sleep anymore because every time I close my eyes I think of you, I see you smile and it hurts because I'll never have that smile back, the one I thought was mine. Our song comes on the radio and I quickly change it before the wounds can become ****** again. I keep living in this fantasy and I just can't accept that you don't love me anymore.
I don't love myself.
I don't think I ever will,knowing that you were the one story that was ended abruptly and never told again.
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016 at 7:50 AM UTC
If I were to get hurt
If I nearly died
Would you stop what you're doing
Just to be by my side?
Or would you live like I didn't exist
As if you didn't even know
Carrying on with your life
Not a feeling for me to show?
Would you not shed a tear
Nor let me hold you near
And instead walk away
Like it were any other day?
If I were to get sick,
If I nearly died
Would you not find yourself
Right there by my side?
If anything at all
But to tell me at least,
That you liked me as tall,
That I was one handsome beast?
If I nearly died
and just layed there in bed
Would you stay by my side
With sweet words to be said?
Would you give me your hand
That I'd have something to hold
Would you show me your smile
So I wouldn't feel so cold?
Even if I were to eventually get better
And after, we still went our own ways
At least I could live life knowing
That you came to me in those days
For if you were to get sick
If you nearly died
I would make sure to find out
And then rush to your side.
I would give you my hand
So that you'd have something to hold
I'd wrap my arms around you
So that you wouldn't be cold.
For if you really nearly did die
I'd thank God that you were still alive
And oh so many tears I would cry
From joy in knowing that you'd survive.
I hope this never happens to you
Though perhaps maybe to me
Because that might be the only way
That your beautiful smile I'll get to see.
If I were to get hurt,
If I was about to die,
Would you tell me you love me?
Or would that just be a lie...
11/6/13
Mar 4, 2016
Mar 4, 2016 at 12:18 AM UTC
Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us
To find your x
She left
Don't ask y
From,
Algebra students
Feb 16, 2016
Feb 16, 2016 at 6:31 PM UTC
I Love You.
I still do.
I remember the feeling of love
like a blanket.
Wrapped warm round my heart,
shielding it from the
frigid cold of anxiety,
keeping me sane from the
wallows of depression.
Waking up to you,
sun caressing your face.
When your eyes fluttered open
they shimmered gold
the prize of kings
yet in reach
of my trepid hands,
confident in the glow of your love.
As my towers crumbled down,
castles torn by the
catapults of panic.
Swinging strong,
crashing into my masks,
cracking walls of my heart,
you could not save me.
I never needed a hero.
Just a healing song,
wrapping wounds
after war torn battlefields
lilies growing hope in the wreckage.
Yet your heartstring clung to mine,
crimson as my blood.
Tugged to tightly,
struggling to hold me
as you held yourself.
Shadows nicking your heals,
as they crawled up my body to reach yours.
Some sacrifices are not worth making.
Some people must be left to the aftermath.
Some hearts cannot be salvaged from shadow.
You couldn’t bare the weight of me forever.
So you let go,
You saved yourself.
For that,
I am thankful.
I could never stand to see you drown
in my ocean.
Not when you are still attempting to
tread through yours.
But your lighthouse,
still a sight for my eyes.
I believe in the light,
I love your light,
I struggle to the surface of
the pitching waves.
Crashing on my face,
salt sticking to red flash eyes,
strangling my throat.
I crawl to the top just to
catch a glimpse of you.
Wishing for the days
where you would
sail out on your lifeboat
and hold me in the storm.
Just making sure i could still swim.
Just to see if I was okay.
To answer your question.
It is still hard to breathe underwater.
I swim through waves
steadfast, as they churn
mockingly. They can see my weakness.
But I love you,
that is enough.
I will keep paddling,
listening to my heart,
the beat of my hands and feet.
Slashing through the violet tides,
I will reach shore.
You will never have to sacrifice yourself
again.
I will reach the shore.
I will reach for you.
Feb 2, 2016
Feb 2, 2016 at 3:22 AM UTC
Who knew
Someone
I didn't know
Would say
Hello?
Who knew
That night
We'd see
Ourselves
In each other?
Who knew
We'd share
So many things
And never met
Before?
Who knew
Every day
He'd ask me
"Do we
Still match?"
Who knew
The answer
Was always yes?
Who knew
Less than
A week
Would pass
Before he
Kissed
Me?
Who knew
When he
Kissed
Me
It would
Bring back
Memories?
Who knew
We'd kiss
Again
And
Again?
Who knew
We'd fall
In love?
Who knew
It was
New Years
And I
Was only
Thinking
Of him?
Who knew
One month
After Hello
Would be
Goodbye?
Who knew
The
Difference
Between
"Goodnight"
And
"Goodnight,
Love"
Was enough
To make me cry?
Who knew
I could
Feel him
Even if
I never
Saw him
But now
All I feel
Is his
Absence?
Who knew
I'd fall
To pieces
But
Pick them
Up?
Who knew
I'd just
Drop them
All over
Again?
Who knew
He wouldn't
Or pretend
He doesn't
Care?
Who knew?
Not me.
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 12:53 AM UTC
Simple symphonies all around
The touch of simple sighs
The hunger for affection
So deep
So painful
It hurts her on the inside
The promises
They broke
Under your own tender lips
The signs keep showing
The scars reappearing
You do nothing about it
What more can she ask?
Her desperate screams goes silent
She just needed you there
*Where were your showers?
Where were your words?*
The soul so gentle and warm
Catch her before she goes
You don't know a thing
Her heart is leaving you soon
*Aren't you afraid of it?
Keep her closer, why don't you?*
You are losing her....
....quick.
Jan 20, 2016
Jan 20, 2016 at 5:25 AM UTC
I have seen lonely places
But where do broken hearts go?
Do they look for home?
But where do broken hearts go
If home is where they just came from?
So where do broken hearts go?
Do they find somewhere new out there?
Or are they too broke to even care?
Where do broken hearts go?
Do they wait to meet another broken heart
So together they could make a start?
Oh where do broken hearts go?
I wish I do know
Where I'm going.
Jan 18, 2016
Jan 18, 2016 at 7:11 AM UTC
You
You
You
You
You
You
You
You are always on my mind
You made me feel special
You made me think you were different
Then I saw you with her
My heart sank 10 feet
I guess "no dating" just meant
Not dating one person
And to you, I was just another girl
But how am I supposed to see you tomorrow?
I'll have to pretend I didn't see you with her
And after all that
I still want you
Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 3:04 PM UTC
The moment i realize you're gone, is the moment I die.
More correctly, the person I was dies.
Because who I was with you, was something entirely different than I ever was.
When you left, she was put at a stand still.
Waiting.
But as soon as she knows we're through?
She'll be gone.
Sure, I could meet someone else but they will never be the same as her.
She was something I can't describe.
She was a best friend.
She and I got very close but now,
I can't do anything to save her.
I'm watching her die in front of me,
Very painfully.
Very Slowly.
All she says is,
"Be strong. Be strong.
You can do this.
Smile through it.
I love you..
I always did..
He always did."
And I just have to look down and
Be strong.
And
Smile.
And say I love you too.
And say,
But I don't believe you.
That person will die..
And I will have to bury her.
Then I will grieve.
Then I will move on.
And when I think about her, the person I was with you,
When I think about you.
I'll be a little sad.
But then,
There will be a new me.
A me with no one.
Because this time I'll make me,
And I won't let anyone get close.
I'll travel,
I'll see the stars but from different countries.
I'll look at the horizon from the top of a mountain.
One I climbed,
By myself.
On journeys I took,
By myself.
Because I loved the person I had become.
But losing another person like her will hurt.
Very much.
Plus,
The person you are?
Is the only person,
My person wants.
I may disagree with you sometimes but,
I'd still rather have that,
Than anybody in the world.
Because right now?
It's you,
Or nothing.
I don't want,
Anyone else.
I want you.
So I'll wait.
Waiting with a girl I love,
Me,
As she slowly dies.
No amount of fundraisers
Or spread of awareness can help her.
She and I are waiting,
And waiting...
Waiting to see,
If you will bring her
The medication to save her.
The one drug she needs to save her is something,
Only you can provide.
Yourself.
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 7:03 PM UTC
Ours is a tale not meant for the telling.
No warnings or heedings need be passed on.
Ours is a story just meant for the living
And letting go into the forgotten history of humanity.
And yet I have each letter, each note, as keepsake;
To what end, I still haven't figured out.
I wish I could forget you
Like you've so easily forgotten me,
But my memory was always that much better--
Your external hard drive you called me--
Now my blessing to curse has turned.
Except, even without the physical mementos,
I would still be able to close my eyes and
See my hand reach out to that one errant lock of hair,
Hear your boisterous unbridled mirthful laughter,
Taste the savory meal your willing hands prepared,
And bask in the leftover glow of a lost true love.
With my eyes closed, we still exist.
With my eyes closed, we always exist.
But my eyes can't stay closed forever.
I have to open them now.
And I hope that when I do,
I'll hate myself a little less for ever loving you.
Oct 31, 2015
Oct 31, 2015 at 9:46 PM UTC
Total Strangers
Total Strangers > Friends
Friends > Lovers
Lovers > Ex-Lovers
Ex-Lovers > Total Strangers
Sadly, it stops at the beginning.
Oct 28, 2015
Oct 28, 2015 at 12:40 PM UTC
I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I want to tell you that everything I do is because I love you and I'm afraid you'll leave me in a blink of an eye. I want to tell you that everyone leaves me. I want to tell you that my heart aches when your not around. I want to tell you how you heal my broken wounds. I want to tell you all the secrets kept inside me. I want to tell you how it feels to be broken. How it feels to be a mess. I want to tell you how I love you. I want to tell you how the world doesn't spin if your not around. I want to tell you how the moon doesn't shine and the stars don't sparkle when your sleeping. I want to tell you how I hate myself but you make me hate me less. I want to tell you how I loathe you and your heart. I want to tell you that when you hold my hand the world seems okay. I want to tell you that when I'm on a bridge, the urge to jump is unbearable. I want to tell you that all the white pills stuffed in my drawer aren't my medication, there for eternal sleep. I want to tell you that my life has no meaning without you. I want to tell you how much I hate this life and these people that surround me. I want to tell you that my heart has been broken a million times so now it's unreparible. I want to tell you that you make me wake up each morning again. I want to tell you that I want to die. I want to tell you that I'm sorry.
Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 2:01 PM UTC
Its 6 am and everything just..
I don't know it hurts
Maybe more like I'm sore
I think of you and my chest starts aching I can hear my heartbeat and sometimes it doesn't match up and I wonder if it's because you're no longer here
I remember at one point in time I was so sure my heart only beat because you were a part of my life
Isn't it so strange how someone so close can become a stranger in a days time?
What is time anyways?
They say all wounds heal with time but if time doesn't exist how am I ever gonna get better?
**** I'm so sore..
Like I was saying..
There's like this hole in my chest, ya know, like the ones people write about
Well I get it now
I always wonder if you feel one too
If our love was enough to provoke a black hole in your heart when I left because a part of you went with me too..
And if it did, where can I find it? Because I miss you.
Aug 7, 2015
Aug 7, 2015 at 1:58 AM UTC
My heart is broken,
And gushing out,
But don't you worry.
For I wear a dark crimson shirt,
So I don't offend anyone,
With the blood stains.
Jul 26, 2015
Jul 26, 2015 at 5:37 PM UTC
I...I love him... He doesn't love me. I am a pawn, in this chess game of love and he is the player, he decides my fate, he chooses what I do. He can make me skip school, have *** with him, and if he leaves me and never talks to me...I wouldn't want to take a shower because i would be afraid his scent would wash away from me, I'd stay up all night thinking and remembering the way he would breath, how he would laugh and his smile. I would crave his touch and I wouldn't go to school. He controls me. And I don't know if I want to be controlled. I'm so terrified that tomorrow he will choose that he no longer needs me and I'm terrified he will leave me.
May 30, 2015
May 30, 2015 at 3:26 PM UTC
Your strokes they were just so truthless
Your colours they made me ruthless
Made me stand and stare at my reflection
You told me my eyes were just perfection
You let me finish dreaming
But it turns I was hopeless
You painted my picture
Never let me see the truth
Of what canvas holds
And when you hung it up in my heart
I never felt so cheated
Those eyes you tried to perfect
They weren't mine
Those lips, rose and red
They never lived
Your black frame lied like like a raven
Showed me a picture I never was in
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 9:27 PM UTC
Dive
Into my heart
Just like I did yours
In search of a pennyworth of feelings
For me.
Dive into mine
Just like I did yours
So that I may drown you
Within.
Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 11:30 AM UTC
You almost killed yourself tonight.
I'm so glad you didn't
Jan 10, 2015
Jan 10, 2015 at 2:04 AM UTC
I lay awake at night, every night,
trying to wrap my head around
how such beautiful eyes could look at me,
and see nothing but a miserable, hopeless girl
and how your hands, suitable for nothing less than an artist,
could leave scars on my body, without even touching it
and worst of all, I can't slip the thought
that you broke my heart
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 9:17 AM UTC