#blatchford
I had a pleasant dream
Still caught in my memory
It was just you and I
And you were beautiful
Shining with a blessed light
It made me smile, and I woke
This feeling made me choke
I haven't felt like this in an eternity
Positivity?
When all I have is ******* making fun of me?
Wait, wait, wait...
I'm happy?
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 4:45 AM UTC
This happiness whispers
From the shadows
Just outta reach, that success you reach for
The work and effort, sweat and pain you put into
Whatever it is you be doing
At the time when you so close
To the finish line
And somebody stops you
Blocks you
Defeats you
And there's a parade in your name
But not to say that you tried
But to put you to shame
Because it wasn't enough and
You thought you were tough before
But how can you stay strong when your friends leave
And slam the door?
Locking you in with the hatred within
And even in your mind you see the Devils' grin
Telling you that failure isn't an option
It's a sin
That you weren't able to do something
Something easy or maybe something hard
You try to push on but all you hear is
******
And they keep pushing
Pushing you when all you need is help
They make you squeal and yelp
Crying
******* I'm a f_ck-up
All this time I've been lying"
"I wasn't strong,
I was weak and I was wrong
Thinking I could get my head into a place
Where I don't belong"
And in honour of those
Who try to compose
Themselves
When there never really was nobody else
To help
I wrote a song
And hopefully you can hear the feeling when you sing along
Because you know it's wrong
And you've known all along
Why can't we help each other and get along?
Why must we hate somebody
When we have nobody
To love
And hatred is driving you
Providing you
With strength
But not the strength to say
"That's enough?"
I see guys eyeing each other off
Flexing muscles and spitting just to prove they tough
Glaring down at you
Follow you
Just to make sure the intimidation game is
Affecting you
So what is there to do?
I mean, when you got nothing to lose?
Nobody by your side that you fear getting bruised?
Do you cruise?
Walk on by?
Or let fly?
"I'm sick of this sh_t man
Give up before I end this
Tonight!"
Do you stand for strength?
Do you stand for justice?
Do you stand up for the weak,
the incapable, sick and the helpless?
Or do you just ignore it?
Not wanting to be the next target?
Knowing if you mess with them
You won't get away with it?
Is it worth it?
Are they worth the risk?
Is it fair to watch someone else get dissed?
And ****** on?
The real rain on the parade?
Is it fair to stand by
Back turned,
Watch the light fade?
No
No it isn't
So don't you dare tell me you tried
Because you stood there when I was dissed on
You hid yourself away
When I needed someone to trust
But instead of being a hero
You watched as I got f_cked!
Asked if I was okay when all I had was bruises
And bruisers bruising me
Mocking me
For my Aspergers and divided family!
So don't you dare turn to me
Just keep walking
And I'll walk the other way
If you even try to start talking
I don't need to hear your story
I don't need to hear your lies
I've heard it all before
So you can't begin to deny
Me
By saying you was waiting
Bullsh_t
You wanted them to end me
So don't try to sway me with your mockery
Called Sympathy
Happiness
Whispers from the dark
And like the light during Winter
Fades fast as I stare across the park
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 5:43 AM UTC
Yeah you, *******
Woody!
If you're gonna get mad at being trolled,
You troll,
Don't you dare take it out on my pack
See?
Now I'm a "woof *****
I was a Phoenix before,
But reincarnation got the better of me this time round
So!
Allons-y, mofongulu!
In case you don't get that, roughly, that's
Later, mother ******
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 4:11 AM UTC
When you knock the side of your head,
Is anyone home?
Or is the only response
That dull echo?
As dull and as thick as the ******* who owns it
Buys his comments from others, yeah you loan it
You know it's ****** how I can't even be myself
In virtual reality without being picked on by someone else?!
Do I really threaten you by being an up-and-comer?
Do you run home to your basement, just to tell your mother?
******* your thumb and ******* cousins to forget your troubles
But it never works, I'm always here, you daft ************
I'm a mother ******* ghost and I'mma haunt your soul
Turn stupidity to comedy and swallow it all whole
Make it fresh content, regardless of the consequence
Til you leave me alone, ****** and let me be myself!
You know nothing about me, do they call you Jon Snow?
You know nothing ***** so pack your bags and catch the last bus home
You're just embarrassing yourself, you're a laughing stock
Look at all the comments I made telling you to go **** yourself!
Do you see me now, huh? Am I what you expected?
That "woof ***** who by being himself got himself rejected?
Why can't you appreciate others man, and stop being your lack of brains' slave
And give this **** up before I contemplate digging your grave
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 6:13 PM UTC
I'm a poet, beatboxer,
Gamer, Expert procrastinator
Hated
Loved
But not loved by you apparently.
You
Who sits behind the screen like a little *****
Makes your profile private
So I can't respond to things like
"Exactly what I'd expect a 16 year old little ***** to say"
You only make me mad by your nature
Probably a 50 year-old ********* and troll
Who gets off by taunting younger ones
Because he's too much of a **** to pick on someone
His own size and age,
Having no friends or relatives that love him
Nobody that respects the ******* he is
Probably does drugs
Dropped out of school the year he learnt the word ****
Didn't follow much of a lifestyle
Blew kids off for twenty bucks
I mean, money is money
Shares his mothers basement with twelve cousins,
Male and female,
That he ***** on the daily
The only action he really gets
And when they aren't there
Climbs out of his trollhole
To **** with the wrong people
They call me Phoenix
Because I roast beats
And pedophiles
Like yourselves
You got a reaction
Question is,
Was it what you expected?
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 4:01 AM UTC
A two word couple rarely used
In genuine terms, at least
But all too often, more than abused
Never in response to treat
And apologies are just the same
Said so carelessly, so carefree
Follows suit after a name
But meaningless, sadly
What are words without their meaning?
When used out of context
It meant something at the beginning
But the question is what’s next?
Will opinions come to have no value?
How about symbols, or hand signals?
As I said, use and abuse
So used the tongue does tingle
Compare that to human life
What makes us so unique?
We all have opinions and advice
And without being asked, openly critique
We push others down so we can get up
Why don’t we just learn to swim?
So we can go for long enough
Without bending someone to our whim
A life forced to enforce our own
Power corrupts, and corrupts absolutely
And these maddened actions we must condone
And do so resolutely.
Why do we keep ruining lives?
Not just others, but also our own
We punish either with words like knives
And suffer all alone
I preferred to shut my mouth
And say what doesn’t need saying
Everything would be what I’d talk about
But my emotions just kept on praying
Hiding behind a veil
That was a master façade
My smile hid all detail
So to myself I said “Au Revoir”
But they could not hide forever
My darkness lifted a little
So I tried piecing myself together
Labelled “Handle with Caution, for I am Brittle.”
But despite how hard I tried
I failed to be whole
My best interests were defied
And darkness enveloped my soul
What I once hid behind
Was now a part of me
When I realised, I died inside
And self-consciously admit defeat
My hands guided by hatred
For the weakness that was within
Energy so sapped I became faded
And my Nightmares would soon begin
For a year I found it hard to sleep
As I watched my friends be Butchered
With woe and sorrow I began to weep
In helplessness I was snookered
My friend had an idea for me
One I never dreamt
To try and incite a lucid dream
And to have my promise be kept
That I would protect my friends
No matter what the cost
A brave mental battle, with no happier end
And once done, I knew all was not lost
But inside my mind I found my meaning
Even through my lack of dreaming
That life is best had when not sleeping
And reminiscing memories of bleeding
Life is an experience
That defines who you are
Fill it with extravagance
And man will you go far
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 7:06 AM UTC
I watch the years advance
Ring-a-rosies in the park
A-tishoo, A-tishoo,
Strength from things that never **** you
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 4:43 AM UTC
I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard
To let go of my demons, to let go of my past
History repeated again and again
But I can’t let go
And it never ends
I remember a time where happiness ruled
But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled
In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart
Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark
Sometime ago, I sought an answer
To a prayer I never wished to voice
That I could find a way to end this pain
But I chose the wrong choice
I made it physical
Because I hated being emotional
(Men don’t cry)
But despite my attempts
To replace what I couldn’t stand
(Soon after, I wished, to die)
And my wish came true!
I became addicted to what tears me apart
I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart
The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was
Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust
I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar
I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start
The moment the steel brushed my skin
Was the one day I faced my end
So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap
No matter the problem, bullied or harassed,
It will swallow your soul
A demon to devour you whole
And leave you with nothing but regret
I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
And why I’ve done the things
I continue to do
I’m seeing someone about all this
Because I have problems waiting to be fixed
Things I can’t handle on my own
But then again, I’ve always been alone
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:31 AM UTC
My Father said,
“Sometimes, Conor, you talk too much
And talk too little.”
I’ll let you figure that out on your own
So here I go:
I started off as shy
Didn’t like to meet people’s eyes
I was floating in the skies
So when I dropped I was surprised
I began to talk more,
Sometimes I just don’t shut up
There’s so much I have to say
But of time there’s not enough
My Primary years were years of torture
Those twisted words a killer
“Stupid. ***** ****** Loser”
I shut my eyes and mouth, head down, just kept cruising
Hoping. Praying
That someone would maybe save me
But I was unlucky
No-one came to rescue me
So pretty soon I hated the world that surrounded me
A father gone, overseas, fighting a war.
Because when it comes to family, some things are worth dying for.
Well pretty soon after, I wanted to die
When I found out that I wasn’t quite alright
My difference wasn’t me just being a shy guy
That untroubled dragon, unburdened, flying in the sky
Because I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of eight
Chance hated me, it seemed, and so too did fate
Adding fuel to the fire, an internal pyre
That consumed me, hungrily, leaving me broken and tired
So my innocence was ignorance
You can tell by the evidence
I wanted an exit
Another way I could end this
Years down the track, and who am I now?
Am I that joker you thought I was, head up and proud?
The friend to the friendless, my speech is just endless
But at the end of the day I’m only pretending
Because I’m not okay, I’m a broken part
To a greater whole of some use, just needing a kick-start
My friends and family, you see, they disagree with me
Saying worn is not broken, and either way it isn’t easy
It hasn’t been easy, torn by the truth
And mocked for my teeth, hit at times, left bruised
Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that other ****
By words hit hard too and at times it’s hard to deal with it
Now I don’t seek attention, just tried to let them know
That I was struggling and there were some things I couldn’t let go
From the first time I was called “Bucky” to the handle of a blade
I wanted to tear apart all the **** they had made
So I started hacking away at myself
Trying to find a better someone else
The answer lies not in blood spilled, or the steel used to slash through
But in your mind hides a better you, a person with a better view
It just takes time to uncover
The century’s best discover
An artefact, buried, hidden, within your soul
Just clear your problems
Try and solve them
And you’ll be whole
“Sometimes, Conor,
You talk too much
And talk too little”
Do you understand?
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:29 AM UTC
My honesty is brutal
Like me, honesty is a killer
Honesty stains my hands like blood
And I wear it like a mask
You wanted the truth
I gave it to you
I'm sorry it's brutal,
But I don't care
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 11:32 PM UTC
*They told me to shoot for the stars
But the gravity of negativity
Outweighed the thermals of positivity
And even with everyone's support
To Hell I fell*
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC
So now you're finally here
My voice is hoarse, I have no tears
I shed them all when I screamed your name
So long and so loud but you never came!
I only saw you in my dreams
Apart from that you remained unseen
You promised you'd be there for me
But you weren't when my world split its seams!
I tried to crawl away
Away from the fighting and the pain
But all I have, it seems
Is this world others have made!
So don't tell me to calm down!
Why don't you just go away?
Leave me be, as you did
And ignore me as I fade away!
May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 6:15 PM UTC
A grey and rainy day
A day to wash away the pain
Clean the slate before fate decides
The pain is here to stay
A person to specialise in fixing my problems
When I myself have trouble trying to solve them
A psychologist for someone as messed up as me
Can they really fix it?
Well I guess we'll see
I got so much anger
Yeah it's balled up deep within
Massages don't do **** for me
It's deeper than the muscles under my skin
It's all up in my mind
And a part of my anatomy
Can you really fix my anger
When it's coded in my chemistry?
I'm not too sure
But I really hope it works
Because if it doesn't I'll probably collapse
Either that or go bezerk
Down the other alley
Is a depression so deep
You can almost taste the water when
You're drowning in your sleep
But asleep or dead
I know it's all up in my head
Every problem can be solved with time
Rather than force the end
The problem with me is
Whilst I can write
Talking to others about my problems
Is probably my hardest fight
So hopefully I work well
With my new psychologist
And hopefully she doesn't become
An anger antagonist
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 11:28 PM UTC
Constricted
Restricted
Bound
Helpless
Four fears remaining constant
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
Long and dark corridors
A medical wing
Flickering fluorescent lights
And a man with a ring
Dressed all in black
Familiar scars
Passing windowed rooms
Reflecting faint fluorescent stars
Broken glass under boots
Mirroring the light
Whilst this man keeps moving forward
A wraith of the night
Steel-framed door
And a birthday passcode
2-1-0-9 and he's in
No light and all shadow
Just a window for a wall
And a Butchering freak
Bladed or blunted weapons
Bloodlust and fresh meat
Tied up are the innocent
Power to the psychopath
If there's one thing to be known
That son of a ***** makes pain last
A torturous death causing
A tortured souls' song
In the throes of insanity
The Butcher sings along
And this doppelgänger of me
He quietly stands
Calmly watching friends die
As I clench my own hands
He may look like me
But that's where it ends
I'd give the world to save them all
But clearly Nightmares don't care
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 7:48 AM UTC
*Vicious claws
Unrelenting mind
Strength and grace
Efficiency*
~
Black-painted fingernails
Determination sets her jaw
Admirable physique yet graceful in motion
She got to me pretty easily
Funny what one notices
In a girl
May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 7:59 AM UTC
Red angry lines scribbled on the page
The story of a lifetime
In each and every poem
May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 7:51 AM UTC
Star Gazer:
How are you fellow poet?
I hope the burning sun is keeping you
Warm without knowing it
Through a thin veil of sky so blue.
Conor Blatchford:
A pure veil of blue
It is beautiful, white fluffy clouds
Keening wind and lapping waves
The most pure of calming sounds
Star Gazer:
Waves rush the rocks
Though the sun pierces the clouds
Crashing, smashing and rumbling
Till the mountains come crumbling.
Conor Blatchford:
Sun sets and darkness falls
The stars show themselves at night
Calm waves rippling
Reflecting that beautiful starlight
Star Gazer:
Though bright a light may be
The touch of a star is all but lost
When we ask of fun and glee
Amidst all the chaotic costs.
May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 3:33 AM UTC
It's my friends who taught me
A lot of what I know
It's my friends who showed me
Where I should and shouldn't go
It's my friends who betrayed me
The first chance they got
It's my friends who made me think
That they had won and I had lost
It's my friends who faded away
Without saying goodbye
It hurts sometimes, how heartless they are
And sometimes I struggle to get by
It's my best friends who stayed by me
Who helped me to my feet
My best friends who protected me
And made those cowards retreat
It's my best friends to whom I give my thanks
For giving and giving without end
It almost makes me cry when I
Think of you best friends
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 7:18 AM UTC
I don't mind
If you, in particular,
Waste my time
Any excuse to not do schoolwork
:)
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 3:00 AM UTC
Rielly on Wheelchairs:
"Now those are my kinda wheelz"
Me on Wheelchairs:
"The hardest part to eat when eating a vegetable"
Apr 6, 2016
Apr 6, 2016 at 12:25 AM UTC
If I could just have honesty
I wouldn't need apologies
You wouldn't need to waste more breath
And wouldn't have my hostility
When all you do is lie
It's like it's your favourite past-time
Your lips are thin and you lie right through
Your teeth and I'm so done with you!
I'm sick of trying to find the truth
When you lie so much and really let loose
Your lips just flap and air rushes out
Of that horrendous hole you call a mouth!
I'd like to close it with my fist
Because you're just so ******* ignorant
You are so much like Donald Trump
You just talk **** and preach your innocence!
Mar 29, 2016
Mar 29, 2016 at 6:38 AM UTC
Why does it always end this way?
All I wanted was for you to stay
What I didn't even realize
Is how ****** up I must've been in your eyes
Coming back to you with yet another problem
Thinking you could probably help me solve them
Didn't know I was just unloading pain
What is one's loss is another's' gain
And I'm sorry for giving you what I couldn't deal with
I wish I could say I was innocent
I meant you no harm yet I still gave it to you
Now all I can do is hope you pull through
I wanna be by your side again
Laugh like we did when we were friends
Make ******* jokes and laugh along
Or sit and listen to our favourite songs.
I'll say it again,
Without end
I'm so so so sorry...
I didn't mean to hurt you...
Mar 24, 2016
Mar 24, 2016 at 10:58 PM UTC
Often I wonder how I would die
Despite knowing I could
I couldn't go any further than try
So I thought I'd rebel
Against those who suppressed me
Knowing if I do I'm viable for Hell
Eliminate those who wish to best me
Test me
Contesting
Everything I held dear in life
Target my family
And you're on my hit list
**** with my friends
And my arrows won't miss
My last show of defiance
To break an uneasy alliance
With people I gave a second chance
Who just let it fly past
Like ***** I don't hand these out freely
You must be insane to dis this completely
Turning my olive branch into a mockery
Well I can draw a sword and cut you up like piece of meat
So I figure when I eventually kick the bucket
I'll mess with the "best" to the point that they just say **** it"
And decide not to hurt anyone ever again
When they are six feet under due to long-time tradition
And when I decide it's time
I'll get myself something prime
Perhaps a strong drink with a splash of lime
And with a handful of pills sever my lifeline
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
But not any time soon,
It's still morning not noon
And I do not wish
For tears to storm like a monsoon
Mar 23, 2016
Mar 23, 2016 at 6:23 AM UTC
Walking through our midst
A pretender, full of ignorance
She cuts and she bleeds
And she likes to scream
But compared to real agony
It's like she's singing
And we all know that
Silence
And violence
Go hand in hand
And she preaches
What she doesn't understand
And we know
Oh yeah we know
She's just a pretender
You talk like you know what you're about
But the reason you do it leaves no doubt
In our minds
That you're secretly a spy
Working through
Enemy lines, and we all know that
Silence
And violence
Go hand in hand
And she preaches
What she doesn't understand
It's like it's a trend or her favourite band
As she smiles at the cuts all on her hand
Mine were done out of endless pain
The sort that you feel when you've nothing to gain
The meaninglessness of each passing day
And you hope that your blood will wash it away
We see the scars, all up your leg
When you pull your shorts up and it's like you beg
For attention, the sort that we don't seek
We rarely let loved ones have a peek
We hide in the dark, not in the limelight
You're after attention and you've found the wrong type
Because we know...
Oh yes we know....
Silence
And violence
Go hand in hand
And she preaches
What she doesn't understand
Self-harming whilst humming to her favourite band
You try to fit in but you don't understand
It's for the pain
When you've nothing left to gain
And your mind hurts too much
And life is a crutch
Blood loss brings us back to life
Whilst it drips
From the tips
Of our knife...
Silence
And violence
Go hand in hand
Here is a song that you might understand
Whilst I write this alone, with no back-up band
It's been written just as I planned
For you
And hopefully you'll understand
Why we do
What we do
Mar 21, 2016
Mar 21, 2016 at 3:03 AM UTC