#battling
A pit of dark, the mist around my heart is rich with grey and thick; it sticks to parts.
A trickle of faithless, sadistic hatred sparks an internal mage with a frightening claim to every thought, that chains from one to another hopeless shame it paid.
The prince of dark offers a small glimpse of a face but as an image of strange and it's never the same. One small soft glimmer. Just as quick as it slivers in, it whispers away.
What was once the pain I brought, the game has stained with rot or reshaped my thoughts.
Acceptance was never taught as change, the mind a rock. Guilty of the crime of beleiving this was mine, only to find that I only stalk this place.
Hopes not lost, just pushed aside to tame that monster of pride as it fought and gnawed. As it flicks its claws and throws every single twisted trick that its got, just to bring stock to my name. Delivered so soft like small drops of rain that clot in my veins through the thoughts that are sought to simply prop up my place at top, like I'm famed.
I tried to **** it, and this only served to passion a rage — used as a passage for blame, all packaged in the most passive of ways.
Not to entertain these words that played out like songs on stage.
I caught the silence that had once been caged. Stillness spoke, I almost dropped it but then stopped in my place, left it to linger and felt the embrace.
I lock into the now, with no worries and unfazed.
That old monster still murmers yet it hasn't talked in days.
With peace maintained through a unwithering stillness, arrived through the vessel of thoughtless play.
Feb 11
Feb 11, 2026 at 12:39 PM UTC
I sure would love to write. But long behold I have my consciousness to fight. Get out of my way you ******* Get out of my sight! What you're doing to me is vile, it just isn't right!
Ha! You're terrible I tell you! Your work is destined to fail! A pathway of let downs. A pathetic paper trail. You're just writing for dumpsters like its discarded mail.
Silence you demon! I will discover my strengths and discover my style. Bet your *** on that you ***** Or my name isn't Kyle! I'm not destined for failure. Youre making me tick. I'm fed up with your ******** and you're making me sick.
Hahaha I see what's happening here! Im winning you over because you're beginning to fear. You will never silence me because I am all that you hear. Throw away this writing because your ending is near. Boo hoo you baby! Are you shedding a tear?
Fall back because I'm conquering you! My determination is gritty and my motives are true. In loo of my weaknesses and in loo of my doubt. Ill never give in and cry, nor will I give in and pout. My armor is powerful and my posture is stout.
Ah, I see. Are you now breaking free? Are you standing your ground and silencing me? But what of your writings? What will they be? A dumpster fire! I bet your *** we will see! And when that happens Ill be filled with glee.
Its over Debby downer because I'll learn new techniques. I'll lay down my heart and all that it speaks. Ill write highs and lows, Ill write valleys and peaks. Ill write with the blood that my bleeding heart leaks. Now change your attitude because your attitude reaks!
I understand and submit. I lay out the red carpet for you. I see you speak from the heart and your heart does speak true. But nevertheless, I'll stick just like glue. When you worry and doubt I'll be pouncing on you. When you're pondering ideas and out for something that's new. The writings you write without me will be few.
Tousche, that's fine, but you've run out of time. Now let go of the pen because the pen is mine. I'm free to write my writings and the feelings sublime. When I master my craft my writings will be so divine. You're despicable, a decrepit rat! Ill be successful.
You can bet your *** on that!
Oct 23, 2020
Oct 23, 2020 at 4:32 PM UTC
Frustrations of the Sad Sack.
From the blows of a feisty distress I ache ,
An insane spin of pain,
Inflated of a pungent vapour
my lungs turn a mouldy grey
In the repugnant heats of my anger and regrets.
Burning agony
In the most tender patches,
Though my voice makes no sound,
My noisy countenance tells it all in a disturbing loudness,
I call up the innermost parts from their ease ,
Call to the deepness of subconscious ponder,
If there be any superliminal faculty to see out my salvation
From this piling debris of dead ends.
I sleep and wake
To lend late night gazes on the mirror only to ask,
Should I have done it in the blinding blackness of the breezy shadows?
Or better in the perching heat of the brightness of a million suns?
O Whatever! , would it have mattered anyway?
Who cares?
For every motive of mine is ripped in cold blood.
The struggle with self is ******
My flesh faints, my muscles slacken
I can't stand more of this losing debate.
I'm running out of steam
I've lost control,
My ego comes tumbling in an ugly splatter.
My fumbling reasoning has become ill-fated,
I think in wrong directions,
Mileages that clip me off into pits of no return.
I regret that I always have had to regret it all,
Perhaps someday not so far,
Heavens will care for my ever fresh tears,
To curse and toss my frustration to the basements of hell,
For mischief calls me by name,
But in that day I will cease from his memory
To be called by a new name ,
Jul 15, 2019
Jul 15, 2019 at 3:57 AM UTC
Life is a lot like a river
The tides either help raise you up
Or lower tides can drag you under.
One false move
as you swim these emotionally
sensitive energy currents....
Constantly keep the emotions in a balancing science..
Which helps the waters from turning "tsunami" into wonder..
"How to Keep your head above the waters"
and "away from the gravels below?"
Strength and strict compliance to this ritual are always a skill..
A ritual..
A battle which always must be won..
Moods and unchecked thoughts are similar to a loaded six shooter.
You twirl the bullet wheel and point the barrel to the head
Providing an answer on to the scene to where this "play" shall take you
or the rough waters shall take you through.
Memories of the past turning to obsessive weight
Kicking the stress of life's load to weigh one metric ton.
You must become like an Olympic swimmer and Albert Einstein rolled up into one character.
Smarts help you figure out a better equation instead of "Russian roulette"
and becoming a strong and skilled athlete can help one wrestle
their control over the tides wishing to
overthrow "this alpha male."
You become the victor through all of it.
Becoming a controller instead of being "controlled"
Energies kept in check.
Don't give in.
For one moment of allowing one's self to be overwhelmed or give in to
the energy effect of exhaustion
Can make your reactor
Powering your life's force
Blow as the Chernobyl Reactor blasted into lifelessness
You do not have to revisit history to know what and who such energy took down with it
So stay with the times
and never neglect yourself,
Never throw up your hands, and act out the phrase "forget it!"
The future is a brighter light than in the past.
Chose the right role in your life
and you shall win your Oscar
Thanks are due to the character in which you are bright to life
and as a director
you are a true actor.
in which you cast.
Jun 13, 2019
Jun 13, 2019 at 4:47 AM UTC
Now a teenager,
battling against the world,
fighting 'til the end
Mar 5, 2019
Mar 5, 2019 at 8:00 PM UTC
God has cursed me.
Going insane, slowly.
Getting paranoid,
giving up.
God cursed me,
when I was born.
Where did he go?
Why did he leave humanity to rot away?
God have cursed me.
The devil won the battles and the war.
Demons follow; survants to him
I follow as a survant to them all.
The Devil cursed me.
He cursed me to obey.
Today I break,
I’m breaking out of his trance.
Today I no longer follow him.
He will follow me.
The Gods cursed me, and I cursed them back.
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018 at 10:26 AM UTC
Gotta go all out,
Gotta go all in,
No time to stall out now,
Gotta go all in,
Gotta go all out,
Can not let the demons win,
Gotta go all out,
Gotta go all in,
Every day is another day I gotta win,
Gotta go all in,
Gotta go all out,
Every moves gotta be precise,
Gotta go all out,
Gotta go all in,
No room for a single mistake,
Gotta go all in,
Gotta go all out,
For today could be my final day,
Gotta go all out,
Gotta go all in,
No time to stall out now,
Gotta go all in,
Gotta go all out,
The demons are coming full force,
Gotta go all out,
Gotta go all in,
The darkness is coming for me,
Gotta go all in,
Gotta go all out,
Tho my light shall shine on thru,
Gotta go all out ,
Gotta go all in,
I will stand victorious!
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 7:13 PM UTC
A smile replaced with a frown
A laughter replaced with tears
A happy thought replaced with a sad one
The day that my birth is celebrated
Is the day that I worry
It's the day that I never thought would come
16 years alive
5 years of battling my own mind
My body stands here
scarred
damaged
struggling
..
but still functioning
5 years down, many more to come
Cheers to me and cheers to you all
Happy Birthday to me
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 11:25 AM UTC
I took a shower
I put on jeans
I got off campus
I ate two meals
I spent a few hours in a public place
I talked to someone with my voice and not over text
I wrote
I studied
I feel okay
Today was a victory
A small victory
Dec 9, 2017
Dec 9, 2017 at 8:24 PM UTC
There once was a small girl
She always had a smile on her face
No matter what happened nothing seemed to phase her
Then one day that smile faltered
She had a monster in her brain
No one knew that something was wrong
Then one day it turned to hell
People noticed her weight loss
People noticed her flighty look during lunch
No one knew she was going through pain
All because of one day
They forced her to eat
They forced her sit
They didn’t realize all this was a monster’s doing
People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face
Fast forward that Little girls life
She’s a 7th grader now
School is fine
She likes her classes and her teachers are great
But there is a voice in her head saying she will never be good
People telling her that wasn’t true
Her best friend turning on her
Her brain confused
What did she do?
How can she fix this
Then terrible news comes upon her ears
Her best friend’s mother and step father are gone
Two people who she loved so much
Two people who had a special place in her heart are now gone
Now she must deal with Grief at 13 years old
Life felt empty felt meaningless for that girl
People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face
A few years later she’s now a freshman
Life has become weird without them in her life
She now has a new best friend one that treats her right
Yet there is this feeling that she can’t shake
Why must the world hate
She hears the rumors the things they say
Her brain agreeing with them
She know she’ll never be perfect
Soon she begins to feel hate towards her
She can do nothing right
Her sun is now dark
Covered by clouds
She thought that she might never feel the light again
That monster was now back but in a different form
People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face
As the Years go on That little girl learns how to deal
That monster never letting her escape
Whispering sweet nothings into her ear
To keep her in his Grasp
She keeps silent to protect those around her
Stress is always with in her
It’s surprising she hasn’t been hospitalized yet
The Strongest of Hearts are always the Most Broken
The Saddest of people always cheer others up
But No one ever notices that she falls in love with this monster
Her life would be meaningless without him
Just like Romeo and Juliet this is a Tragedy from the Beginning
Lost in her world no one can shake her awake
Soon she will disappear into the Darkness with her new found Lover
The only person to know the real her
People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face
Now this little girl is almost all grown up
Almost 17 starting to drive
She’s been on an uphill battle
But she won’t fail
That monster still lives with in her
Not letting her escape
But She knows how to control him
But sometimes he becomes powerful again
And takes over her mind
It’s a rocky path from here on out
But she won’t lose to someone who is so shallow
That he doesn’t have the guts to come out
Cause That Little girl is me
I have the wounds from all my battles
And I’m trying to win this battle
In a war I never asked to join
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 2:20 PM UTC
Embers burn in a flash of light
Flying through the night
Flamboyant flames dancing
Dancing, it's the demon
The demon who follows me
Stares at me with its intense eyes
Flailing it's arms, taunting me
Taunting me in a provoking manner
Provoking me
Shoving me reaching
Holding me up by my shirt
My chest, infecting my lungs
Gripping me so tightly in its arms
Escape, I must escape I must
I must fight it
Silently
Quietly, without a word nor cry
Glaring intensely, infuriating
Fighting a battle that will go unsaid
Untold, unheard of, a tale with no writing
Battling and scarring each other
Determined to win, to defeat
To ****
We are determined to ****
One must die for the other to live
To live and grow, for our beauty to show
We must fight.
We must fight without sound
Without word of mouth nor page
Fight till one is gone
**** so one can leave
Aug 12, 2017
Aug 12, 2017 at 10:37 PM UTC
Amiss am I, awry I be, with thought's not of this sphere, O' how I thinkest of the real me. The real me with none dermis, the reality of none colored blood. I'm katharí psychí;
Of the empyrean love.
Wherein the substance and materials aren't bought, nor sold; I'm sick of the greed, the wantonness, that makes monsters out of men.
I've experienced wantonness, though verily it doesn't please me, I've tasted Lust's, and lust conceives sin;
Sin leadeth to death.
Lord Almighty, protect me from the demon's that never rest, nor do they sleep;
They art witty, unforgiving, they make men's heart's their places to eat and invest.
Renew me Yahweh in this mortal stress, keep mine eye's on thee; O'
Mighty king.
Free me of mine burdens;
And mine restlessness.
Let thine light,
Overshadow me.
© Brandon nagley
© Lonesome poet's poetry
Dec 22, 2016
Dec 22, 2016 at 6:30 PM UTC
Like a white bird in a blizzard
I'm invisible
In middle is where I'm delivered
Battling the freezing storms
No one notices, but that's the norm
The battles I wage are as silent
As the first feathery snows at night
This world is cold and cruel
There is no golden rule
One of these days when you finally look, I'll be found
Lying frozen to the ground
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 7:58 PM UTC
Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.
But what if the secret affects someone else?
What if the secret negatively impacts yourself?
Secrets, secrets
I try to clear my mind,
But it keeps popping up
Time after time.
Are no fun
I want to yell, I want to scream,
I want the whole world to know
What's eating me alive
And why I'm bursting at the seams.
Unless you share with everyone
I have been sworn to secrecy,
And I cannot tell,
I've sworn myself in,
And with this I dwell.
The past is heavy,
But secrets weigh more,
And with no one to tell,
My heart and brain begin a War.
I'm battling myself,
At every given instance.
And oh, how I wish
I could return to my days of innocence.
But I have been sworn to secrecy,
And now I cannot speak of it,
Such an invasion of privacy,
And a secret I can't admit.
But maybe, just maybe,
One day I will.
I'll get it off my chest
And will no longer feel mentally ill.
Secrecy does weird things
To a person,
And the longer it goes on,
The more their mental health will worsen.
Secrets, secrets, are no fun, unless you share with everyone.
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 10:02 PM UTC
Spinning in darkness
Battling to gain her senses
Sips down her coffee.
-Zainab Attari
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 7:18 AM UTC
My head and my heart
will never surrender
or back down
They are forever battling
between what I want
and what I need
By Chloe Elizabeth
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 9:48 PM UTC