#aspd
I sit next to a girl
In my drama class
With hair darker than wood
And eyes like root beer glass
She smiles so sweetly
when she talks to us all
And her laugh is tinkly
Like a little glass marble
She looks like autumn
and is the kindest girl I know
it makes me sad
when she frowns like snow.
people make fun of her
for the way that she talks
for the bounce when she walks
or the way she tilts
it breaks my heart
to see the way she wilts
the comments don't affect her much
she is kind as they come
I wish we were better friends
I'm just glad she has some
the prettiest laugh
I have ever heard
I wish I could turn it into a word.
I would repeat it
over and over
until I complete it
and share it with her.
Jan 20
Jan 20, 2026 at 3:34 PM UTC
The watchman
What dark thoughts hold my gaze
That others feel joy without remorse
Long have I looked for loves embrace
To be free from such recourse
I was cursed at my birth - this skin is not my own
My spirit’s nerves are twisted
Justifying a condemned worth, from seeds poorly sown
And darkened hearts passion resisted
This is all I call my own
There is no mark for ship to sail
In this sea of ever dark clear waters
At night we keep awake, in hopes dark won't fail
to keep safe another, from senseless marauder
Held out to sink in stormy gale
Beyond all measure, there is recourse to collision
Nature for her worth, ameliorate provide
This in time, impossible seems revision
Can only push broken hearts aside
Long ago, I suspected improvement
But that mind was young and poorly tested
Such low directions seem better amusement
And bitter the blow, when I reality bested
Mistaken long ago; the fix be simple
Said so by those in words authority rare
Had me ready to try, eager and nimble
On this whim I bent, rejected the tear
A nobler man than me I resembled
For a time it seemed well, for a time it seemed right
Resilient in motion, and strong in day’s revel
But the illness it crept and shifted so slight
in its smooth spotless way, gashed by a devil
day was subdued by night
This; then I wish I had known, or told,
Other minds afflicted - but pity spared
Pathology spoken, and hands took hold
Dantalion awoken, engaged and declared
No pity for Dantalion’s stare
A baron of hell come forward to resist
No rest from his call, no shadows to hide
God made amends, in hope I subsisted
footsteps corrupted in unholy stride
Voices echoed hissed, and fallen beside
.
.
.
A higher purpose in this may gleam
For rules are unbroken, unbent
Such a hope without rend, is only a dream
In bleak barren isles, sows seeds of resent
Seen fleeting in wistful steam
I abided by your laws by force of will
No pride could be worth such change
Imposing rigid and shrill,
And gratifying others in sour blame
In darkness bring, now I live,
But smile in the sun
Play of dauntless, hardening
Embracing in me self-shun
To break free, and proclaim this face
No desire within is greater
To be shown to anyone for its sake
that my face to even a friend could
Be known
.
.
.
I wanted to feel then; when eyes met,
you smiled brightly at me
A Moment of joy in that grin,
But longer pain, for a moment of glee
How it turned out this way
Why joy feels so empty in passions free
Hearts echo in its screams, can not tell
Demanding lash out, for to feel anything
Enforced in miscounted play
My body is mute, deaf and pale
But all senses remain intact
Robbed at birth by a devilish wail
And my soul screams out from
a body cracked
.
.
.
Like a hero, purpose impassioned bore the slack
And long sustained a body starved
But much was stolen and wanted back
In tired time, resent in noble soul
Was carved
Here myself I find in fact
My fruition other’s pain would cause
But pain in self with great impact
Hides in bright day to save another's pause
Greatest Hurt dealt from time ago
And still I seek for moments rest
The cliffs on which destroyed the boat
That the remainder of my life is jest
to faces that will never know
In youth, the gait of joy had life and warm would flow
Entreating pleasant waters shore
Now years of weight since long ago
Moments once glad; warm no more
The Truer pain is yet to pass
For the years I’ve yet to live
Broken sadness, set to wrath
At my own soul bound
indeterminative
No smile was flashed without longing
For a person I can never touch
And no man can charge in wronging;
I am the perfection of a needless crutch
Nov 16, 2025
Nov 16, 2025 at 12:00 PM UTC
There was once a time;
A time when I believed.
I believed that there was something worth living for.
There was a time when I was not like this,
When it was an uphill battle to tear myself from my bed every morning.
When attending school was a notion so frightening;
I would lock myself away in my closet.
The sweet solitude of undisturbable darkness still yet sings to me,
Calling my name, every hour, of every day.
A time when I thought that my path must become better than this;
When I could see a light in the distance,
A light to fight for, to live for.
And now, I’ve found it;
Yes, I’ve found the light that once only I could dream of.
In my hands I held it, clutching it to my heart;
The happiest and most content I can recall ever being.
Yet, as soon as it was called my own,
It was gone.
For, after my whole life,
I progressed to the light, indulged in it, bathed in it.
And soon, the rest of my path was just as bright as my light;
Now my path is just as it once was,
A dark, cold, and dreadful place.
Except this time, there is no light to be seen.
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 1:00 PM UTC
I deserve the whole god **** world
and my circumstances leave me
in trees, waiting to jump
or already crumpled leaves
It is fall in my spring
my choices are always to sit, to sleep
to wait quietly for the opportunities I need
but what ever comes is quick to leave
I feign emotion, like I care
like any of that matters
I only crave excitement and opportunity, really
the reality of existence has me believing
in a fake life
Was anything ever interesting
after the wars or the dead bodies
after the piles of ****** hot beings
after I found myself to be lacking
I'd rather die
I'd rather exalt a dangerous ruler
I'd like to attach myself to danger
I'd like to cause some sort of tremor the heart
of man
Nothing is interesting anymore
Nothing holds my attention
How many times can I read the same story
How many times can I pretend I hold affection
that I am unaffected
that I am sociable
that I care
that I am
that I exist
that I am I
I am not
I am it
I am a fake
I desire change
Jun 29, 2015
Jun 29, 2015 at 3:15 AM UTC