#alienated
There's nothing weirder
than trying to act normal
when you're too far gone
to be like everyone.
The simpler words
turn to tonguetwisters
when you want to let them out
at the most random times.
May 5, 2021
May 5, 2021 at 12:42 PM UTC
I come from bumpy roads,
The soft melody of Korean indie music playing on repeat in the car,
Droplets of water dripping down the window matching the lazy beat of the songs
We hopelessly drove around this merry go round of a globe
My family and I moved so much to the point of me not knowing what the word "home" meant.
When people ask me where i'm from,
I hesitate and grow anxious. What if they tell me that I don't belong ? 7 years in Malaysia
And I still don't feel like i'm in the right place.
"I want to go home"
I say when i'm hanging out with my mates in school.
But truly,
I don't have a home.
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020 at 11:54 PM UTC
My demons and shadows are placing bets against me,
black is heartbreak and red is destruction.
They watch the wheel spin so intensely,
holding their breath so strongly that it’s creating suction.
The winner of the jackpot round
will play Russian Roulette with my life,
it’s inevitable, fated, destined and bound,
‘cause I brought a pen to a knife fight.
I’m winning in a debate,
on a topic for which I don’t care,
it won’t change the structure or state,
for a system that will always be there.
Who are we alone? Who are we together?
Drink the marrow straight from the bone,
so you can savour my blood forever.
I lost all faith in my last name,
as a MacKenzie- “I shine; not burn.”
But I feel the heat from the blame,
and the scarred mark I was born to earn.
The funeral pyre is already lit,
the flames flicker and engulf my strife,
I’m too stupid to halt and call forfeit,
‘cause I brought a pen to a knife fight.
Empty hands, and broken fingers,
hanging strands, clings and lingers.
Sunken shoulders, and lifeless eyes,
a name in my folders, alphabetically organized.
You can’t decipher a word’s meaning,
if the word is never actually spoken.
The tree never fell but it’s slightly leaning,
surprisingly roots just can’t be broken.
And sometimes I’m scared to blink,
even though I’m unimpressed with this sight,
I’ll be bleeding out in colourful ink
as I brought a pen to a knife fight.
You know sharks don’t sleep
and sadly neither do I.
But now I’m in too deep,
“you’re gonna need a bigger boat”
just to get by.
You told me to put on my dancing shoes,
and I strapped on two concrete blocks.
You asked me to relay the news
but I went for the thrills and shocks.
Now my oxygen is running low;
my heavy head is finally feeling light.
I’ll still try to give you a good show
but I brought a pen to a knife fight.
Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 9:00 AM UTC
there's a warmness to pain
like a sprout in an arid land
almost forbidden but yet welcomed
like a familiar enemy
a cushion in these thorns
the holes they pierce
a stab to the scabs
the reward is to feel
there are truths i can't tell
they can't be made words
not even in the presence of God
its the essence of my thoughts
there are enemies i can't un-love
mysteries i can't un-solve
lips i can't un-kiss
lips i can't resist
i saw my mother's boy
i saw my father's man
it took my mother's joy
it took my father's smile
here lies the man i refuse to be
in captivity i refuse to yield
in a skin that isn't me
in a place that is killing me
Dec 25, 2018
Dec 25, 2018 at 10:31 PM UTC
My life’s a show
I’m holding back things
You don’t know
Mind’s inside out
My social anxiety’s got me
I ain’t too loud
Keep close my pride
I try to hide
My alter ego is an alien
I aim to be superhuman
Distance, I create
Help, I cannot wait
Taking myself into isolation
Need some insulation
My heart’s cold
Can’t stand the heat
Pressure’s too heavy
Expectations got me beat
I’m going down
I don’t know if I can take this
(Now read from bottom to top)
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 10:39 PM UTC
When i am in silence
I feel alienated in crowd
Explore the inner world
May 8, 2017
May 8, 2017 at 2:24 PM UTC
When i am in silence
I feel alienated in crowd
Explore the inner world
May 8, 2017
May 8, 2017 at 2:24 PM UTC
when you have the feeling
the world is going on without you
no matter what you think or say
or write
it’s better that you take
backward a step or two or three
look at yourself and what you’re doing
and simply cool it
you may agree with it or not
the world keeps turning
life is going on
unless you seriously want a change
and start a revolution
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 7:15 PM UTC
I can't entirely express this feeling.
It's very oblique in itself.
Eloquent and introspective.
It bends me in ways I don't feel comfortable in front of you.
I needed to tell you.
A small gift to the reader.
So we made this series.
The ****** and the emotional.
Do I wait upon the summers eve.
When the light is spread out among the trees.
I can feel my other half encroach.
But that's not the point.
She swore to me fealty and love.
She's gone among the whispers of the wind.
I still hear her through the vine.
But that's not the point.
I have lost the ones I cared about.
I have purged those not worth caring about.
We are one without equal.
But that's not the point.
I am alone. Always have been.
Always will be.
Alone.
But that's not the point.
I am this way for now.
Broken, condemned, alienated
Unique, interesting, alive.
But that's not the point.
The point is to hurt you.
The point is to heal you.
I want you to feel.
My ignorant friend.
This is not a story I wanted to tel.
Never a feeling I wanted to share.
But to get through to you required this.
My heart bore in the words of poetry.
Because I am god in his glory.
I am a freak marking his territory.
No one more murderous as I.
There is no savior who wanted more to die.
End? There is no end. No conclusion for this cursed.
For this blessed
In his mind.
In his heart.
Without love.
Without fear.
Please. Walk with me, I would like to imprint myself on you.
Would you let me walk on your road?
In your life?
Or am I just crumbling.
Together at last.
Bringing me down.
Momentarily at union.
Only for a moment, then disappear into the blackness.
The blackness that so many now inhabit.
Dec 25, 2015
Dec 25, 2015 at 6:34 PM UTC
How quiet the night is
I say as I loudly tap
On my phone
Erasing and rewriting
Statuses
Only to realize
You can't be profound on facebook
Society has made sure of that.
This handy dandy
Mini pocket computer
Connects me to the world,
It assures that never will I
Never can I
Be alone.
Yet as I scroll
Through the friends list,
The contacts,
The snapchat stories,
Endless feeds,
Its clear I am only one person
Out of billions.
Barely noticeable.
Its hard to be unique
When all the clever usernames
Have been taken
And you don't know
How to use emojis.
I do not compute,
Nor do I really want to.
Aug 6, 2015
Aug 6, 2015 at 2:15 AM UTC
Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder
if I’m a manifestation
of someone’s imagination.
Or dreamt by one in deep slumber
Trapped by a spell they are under.
Often I feel invisible;
There are few who really see
who I am when they look at me.
Though far from being miserable,
I find my world more mystical.
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 10:43 AM UTC
I've become
Everything
I despise in a person
Oct 12, 2014
Oct 12, 2014 at 12:32 PM UTC