#abusing
I can feel myself fading away
I've never been something special
But it's like I'm turning grey while the whole world is full of color
It's like I'm being pushed off
It's weird to explain
But I just feel like I am nothing
Like I can dissappear in a second and no one will notice
I want to end it myself before life does it for me
I'm so scared of living
The few years I had on this earth were **** to say the least
I'm nothing special
I'm nothing
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 12:53 PM UTC
'You're not good enough!' he said while he placed his hands around my neck
'you'll never be!'
I cried, he lied, I almost died that day
Full of bruises I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I fell off my bike the day before that
They believed it, they still think that's the truth
'You ***** never talk to another boy again or I'll **** you! ' he said while he slapped his hand against my cheek
I reacted mild, he got wild, I still was a child that day
Full of red marks I walked home
Smiled to my parents and told them I got in a playful fight with a friend
They believed it, they still think it's the truth
And this went on for a few months
I finally found the strength to get out
But it haunts me every day
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 9:25 AM UTC
Her parents are drowning in heroine
While she is taking the Ritalin
To calm her mind from all the stress
Because her parents made a mess
So she takes the pills one by one
Until the bottle is completely gone
And closes her eyes one last time
And looks at it as her parents crime
Now she is in a different place
Somewhere between time and space
Her parents are drowning in sadness and hate
While she is walking to heaven's gate
Jul 18, 2019
Jul 18, 2019 at 9:11 AM UTC
The urge is getting in my head again
I want to take away the pain
I am the pain
My life is pain
I want to take my life
The voices are getting bad again, the depression is taking over
The urge is bigger and stronger than ever
I'm so ******* scared
I want to let people close to me
I want to tell them
I want it, but the memories and flashbacks are holding me pinned against the floor
I can't tell them
I have to do this alone
I'm not brave enough to keep this fight going
I'm done
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 1:12 PM UTC
For every night spent wide awake
Crying, tossing, and turning because of you
For every time you decieved me
Tore my heart in two.
For making me participate in your game
And stringing my innocent self along
Until I was certain that lonely place
Was exactly where I belonged.
For every "I love you" I believed
Every other sweet word you said
For each compliment you truly meant
Every night spent in your bed.
For every last broken promise
For abusing my heart day after day
I am writing this to you for the love I wasted
For ******* me up in so many irreversible ways.
Sep 10, 2018
Sep 10, 2018 at 7:04 PM UTC
Deep into that darkness indulging
In there stepped a lickerous 'longing'
And the feeling was prolonging
Back into my memories despising
All my soul within me revising
Deep into that darkness consuming
It was myself I was abusing
It is me I am refusing
Mar 8, 2018
Mar 8, 2018 at 6:34 PM UTC
Photos beyond photos.
Pictures of my heart.
Exposing my insides.
Everything I live for.
You left me rose.
I take pictures and make sure to smile.
I'm popular, now.
Is it because you're not around?
It's colder without you.
It was stupid to fall for someone I can't have.
You don't like me like that, I know.
But I still can't let you go.
I water that rose, every single night.
Did I tell you? I got a boyfriend.
He's popular, and I don't really like him.
It's okay, I guess.
He likes my photos.
He plays with my hair and makes me smile.
He smiles in the photos I take.
Okay, so it might be good.
But I still miss you.
I don't know about the scandal between your parents.
Your personality.
I'm sorry you had to go through it all.
I would've helped if I could've.
My photos start to blur.
The rose is wilting.
This guilt is eating me up.
But my boyfriend is here, right?
Hey, today he hit me.
It hurt y'know!
If you were here you could've helped.
I'm sorry.
He started smoking.
I don't really like the smoke.
It's not good for the rose, either.
Still missing you.
He burnt my photos today.
I'm getting a bit scared.
But he loves me, it's okay.
The rose is looking better.
Where did you even get this rose?
Why did you give it to me?
Is it really important?
Thank you, I suppose.
He put his cigarette out on me.
I cried today.
He loves me.
Why is he hurting me?
He won't stop.
The rose is getting sicker.
No matter how much I water it.
Help me.
The rose looks like ash.
I'm not too much better, to be fair.
All my photos are gone.
I leave you these notes.
I stilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Dec 16, 2017
Dec 16, 2017 at 3:04 PM UTC
I hate you.
I hate everything that you do.
I hate your smile and your starry eyes.
I hate when I'm with you, time just flies.
I hate how you're never here.
I hate how you always seem to disappear.
I hate your toothy grin.
I hate when I'm with you my head starts to spin.
I hate how you yell and smash bottles all night.
I hate when I wake up covered in love-bites.
I hate how you tease me and tell me you love me.
I hate when you can't calm down and it takes more than just a plea.
I hate how you're violent and stay up for hours.
I hate when you kiss me and cuddle me during showers.
I hate when we play board games and I'd always win.
I hate how you're covered head-to-toe in sin.
I hate when you touch me and my heart starts to pound.
I hate when we dance and you spin me right round.
I hate when you laugh and tickle my ears.
I hate the fact that it's been like this for years.
I hate when you hit me and tell me you're sorry.
I hate when you do it the next day without a single worry.
I hate when we kiss and it makes me feel alive.
I hate when our love dies and it suddenly revives.
I hate you with every fibre of my being.
I hate when you pretend to care about my wellbeing.
But most of all I hate myself.
I hate how I take your love right off of the shelf.
I hate how I love kissing you.
I hate how I love everything you do.
I hate when you hit me and choke me and bruise me.
But I hate the fact that I can't even flee.
I love you, I do.
I really, really love you.
I know I'm dying, slowly but surely.
But I promise, 'till my last dying breath, that I will love you purely.
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 11:45 AM UTC
he used other human capital
to achieve his own ends
what kind of person would
be involved with these lends
beneath his exterior
a brain-washer lay
exploiting everyone else
to bring him handsome pay
credit in his dodgy account
came at a considerable fee
abusing and misusing
Bob and Mary's kindly spree
they had no understanding
of his predator plan
working them over so he'd
be the number one man
Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 7:20 PM UTC
Right now I don’t know what to think other than the fact that I am surrounded by such a negative energy it takes everything in me to find the tiny speck of positive energy in a day. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. I have this constant negative energy filling me up and deflating me like a balloon that someone lets go in the sky to float away until it travels to space, or pops halfway there.
It follows me around everywhere I go and I cannot escape and my oh my, what I would do to finally be free and be able to breathe without blinking tears away from my eyes, trying to tell myself that crying doesn’t do anything but make you weak. You’re not weak. You’re a strong light of energy who finds the best in everything and everyone and always gets what you want. Maybe it’s all caught up to you. Maybe that’s why. You sit and think, whywhywhywhywhywhy.
The negative energy is taunting you like it knows what it’s doing. Hell, it knows what it’s doing. It’s putting all of its negative energy into you. Everywhere near you. It just doesn’t get it, leave me alone. But everyone has a little negative energy. This one happens to be a piece that everyone loves, but the only thing it loves is destroying you.
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 9:31 PM UTC
moments of darkness that turned into hours
hours would turn days
days would turn into months
using would bring darkness
while numbing the light
even in light there would be more darkness
not seeing what was ahead
but only seeing what it didn't have for me
a future that was my past
more darker time with regrets
loosing money, time, and a place called mines
I crumbled!
then I cracked
the pillars that held my world up came tumbling down on me
turning to the bottle would be the answer
drinking every last drop
and drinking even more
until I stumbled
I could no longer hold myself up
I crashed and burned
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 4:47 PM UTC