Step 1: Take a breather. Don't start going insane and terrorizing the city with chainsaws. That is in a later step. Go have a cup of tea. Calm. If you're cold go get a blanket. Think warm thoughts. Imagine you are on fire. Okay, actually never mind, don't do that.
Step 2: Go back to your computer and hold down the off button until it completely shuts off.
Step 3: Scream obscenities at your laptop, kick it and drop it off the roof.
Step 4: Wonder why it isn't turning on.
Step 5: Call your second cousin twice removed's best friend's dogsitter's guitar teacher's Polish-speaking doctor who lives in Germany. Ask him for help. Apologize for thinking she was a man and explain the ****** hair in the pictures and her extremely deep voice were misleading. Say hello a couple times into the receiver before accepting she has hung up on you.
Step 6: Send your second cousin twice removed's best friend's dogsitter's guitar teacher's Polish-speaking doctor who lives in Germany a basket of muffins with a heartfelt apology note written in Korean, to prove you are multi-cultural.
Step 7: Hug your computer and stroke it creepily whispering: Awwww who’s a good laptop?
Step 8: Dump a bucket of water on your computer when it STILL doesn’t turn on. That’ll teach it.
Step 9: Cry about your hair not being shiny enough. Get distracted by a butterfly. Wonder why there is a butterfly in the middle of the arctic. Wonder why you are in the arctic and how you got there.
Step 10: Feed your stupid meany-pants laptop to a polar bear.
Step 11: RUN in terror from the hungry polar bear with indigestion that you have just ****** off.
Step 12: Get your chainsaw and go terrorize the nearest village.
Step 13: Send that village a basket of muffins and a heart-felt apology note written in gibberish so they are impressed by the fact that you are fluent in Gibberish.
(OPTIONAL STEP 14: Send that polar bear a basket of muffins. Just to be nice.)
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 12:24 PM UTC
Step 1: Take a breather. Don't start going insane and terrorizing the city with chainsaws. That is in a later step. Go have a cup of tea. Calm. If you're cold go get a blanket. Think warm thoughts. Imagine you are on fire. Okay, actually never mind, don't do that.
Step 2: Go back to your computer and hold down the off button until it completely shuts off.
Step 3: Scream obscenities at your laptop, kick it and drop it off the roof.
Step 4: Wonder why it isn't turning on.
Step 5: Call your second cousin twice removed's best friend's dogsitter's guitar teacher's Polish-speaking doctor who lives in Germany. Ask him for help. Apologize for thinking she was a man and explain the ****** hair in the pictures and her extremely deep voice were misleading. Say hello a couple times into the receiver before accepting she has hung up on you.
Step 6: Send your second cousin twice removed's best friend's dogsitter's guitar teacher's Polish-speaking doctor who lives in Germany a basket of muffins with a heartfelt apology note written in Korean, to prove you are multi-cultural.
Step 7: Hug your computer and stroke it creepily whispering: Awwww who’s a good laptop?
Step 8: Dump a bucket of water on your computer when it STILL doesn’t turn on. That’ll teach it.
Step 9: Cry about your hair not being shiny enough. Get distracted by a butterfly. Wonder why there is a butterfly in the middle of the arctic. Wonder why you are in the arctic and how you got there.
Step 10: Feed your stupid meany-pants laptop to a polar bear.
Step 11: RUN in terror from the hungry polar bear with indigestion that you have just ****** off.
Step 12: Get your chainsaw and go terrorize the nearest village.
Step 13: Send that village a basket of muffins and a heart-felt apology note written in gibberish so they are impressed by the fact that you are fluent in Gibberish.
(OPTIONAL STEP 14: Send that polar bear a basket of muffins. Just to be nice.)
Stay tuned for more HOW TO posts :D
Hope this was helpful. If this offended you in any way, I apologize. I will send you a basket of muffins.
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