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el-ignotoPoems
to the deer i mortally wounded at five o clock on saturday morning in maupin oregon, A horrifying sound tore sleep out of me that clear fall morning. it rang and rang and rang and rang and rang like the 5 o clock church bell in little empty nowhere town central oregon territory. the sounds of impending death came from somewhere, maybe they crawled from deep inside my psychotic insomniatic delusions; foreshadowing the coming  tragedy about five miles down the road about five minutes in the future. my plaquey teeth dug into stale French loaf and stinking tongue dug old butter from plastic cartridge. while your teeth tugged at tender grass tendrils beside mystic river warm tongue lapped up river’s crystal clean waters i longed to somehow cleanse myself of imaginative terror echoing sound around as i wound through sleepy town, 'no life moves this early,' i presupposed my thoughts found shelter amid a current obsession of mythic redside trout swiftly rising from riverbottom at my orange stimlator siz 8 elkhair fly, and the battle that may quite possibly follow. if i only attain this once in a lifetime i will be content i promise. car continues down hill i witness silverpink powerhungry **** of river flowing omnipotent sherars falls roaring below me. slit eyes fixated themselves on picturesque sunrise as temporary monument jumpstarting new life from those cold old bold nights too-nice car took potholes and washboard trail efficiently, it sped bumping onward upstream bleary eyed coffeelessness. heavy eyes, when not periodically closed, focused on roaring river to my right and pink sunrise to my up, canyon walls lit up pink limestone awakened each new day discovered. rude too-nice car kicked up pesky dust. i was mid-apologizing to any creature it bothered this early in the morning when my left eye captured you (adult black tail doe, perfect purity) rocketrun from the left bank spooked by unnatural sounds caused by machinery technology engine tires internal combustion radiator hammering cylinders my hands twitch left on wheel attempting to swerveavoid you(adult black tail doe, perfect purity) attempt to dash uproad away escape diamond hoofs dig but not enough car slams into your right front shoulder buckles, cracking your depthless black eyes glisten with surprise pain, doom courses through your sinewy perfect muscular body i gasp and drive off fifty feet low speed my rearview mirror reveals that you will not walk this one off. instead you suffer deeply, immensely, jumping wildly, falling into dust, getting up, flailing, falling striking pink sunrise behind you silhouettes your broken movement so very clearly. car inches onward i honestly know not the correct ethic “never approach a wounded animal” and “you ******* coward put it out of its misery its not dead it is suffering you half killed it it didn’t deserve it you half killed it you mother ****** you should die in its place you killed mother nature herself” i had no gun, only a hunting knife, fishing gear, old french bread if i had a gun i don’t know if i could have shot you dead my shaking hands and teared eyes would fare me poorly i drove off slowly, leaving you to die there in ****** pink sunrise alone, suffering crying out this terrible cry, stealing it from my previous nights dreams my too-nice car inches around corner until you are visually out of sight i am not crying externally but internally i am a tempest of emotion, i smash black dashboard with fists screaming at myself static noise i can hear nothing time stops “i killed it i killed her why didnt i see her” i try to convince myself it all didn’t happen and failed i try to convince myself you live and failed the guilt i bear is immense you were undeserving you are eternally etched now you are a deserved scar we are forever connected i now cradle your still warm carcass within eternal arms of my subconcous my metafingers lightly touch your left broken shoulder bones death stole you like it steals all, untimely, undeserving, brutal.
0
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
to the deer i mortally wounded at five o clock on saturday morning in maupin oregon,
to the deer i mortally wounded at five o clock on saturday morning in maupin oregon, A horrifying sound tore sleep out of me that clear fall morning. it rang and rang and rang and rang and rang like the 5 o clock church bell in little empty nowhere town central oregon territory. the sounds of impending death came from somewhere, maybe they crawled from deep inside my psychotic insomniatic delusions; foreshadowing the coming  tragedy about five miles down the road about five minutes in the future. my plaquey teeth dug into stale French loaf and stinking tongue dug old butter from plastic cartridge. while your teeth tugged at tender grass tendrils beside mystic river warm tongue lapped up river’s crystal clean waters i longed to somehow cleanse myself of imaginative terror echoing sound around as i wound through sleepy town, 'no life moves this early,' i presupposed my thoughts found shelter amid a current obsession of mythic redside trout swiftly rising from riverbottom at my orange stimlator siz 8 elkhair fly, and the battle that may quite possibly follow. if i only attain this once in a lifetime i will be content i promise. car continues down hill i witness silverpink powerhungry **** of river flowing omnipotent sherars falls roaring below me. slit eyes fixated themselves on picturesque sunrise as temporary monument jumpstarting new life from those cold old bold nights too-nice car took potholes and washboard trail efficiently, it sped bumping onward upstream bleary eyed coffeelessness. heavy eyes, when not periodically closed, focused on roaring river to my right and pink sunrise to my up, canyon walls lit up pink limestone awakened each new day discovered. rude too-nice car kicked up pesky dust. i was mid-apologizing to any creature it bothered this early in the morning when my left eye captured you (adult black tail doe, perfect purity) rocketrun from the left bank spooked by unnatural sounds caused by machinery technology engine tires internal combustion radiator hammering cylinders my hands twitch left on wheel attempting to swerveavoid you(adult black tail doe, perfect purity) attempt to dash uproad away escape diamond hoofs dig but not enough car slams into your right front shoulder buckles, cracking your depthless black eyes glisten with surprise pain, doom courses through your sinewy perfect muscular body i gasp and drive off fifty feet low speed my rearview mirror reveals that you will not walk this one off. instead you suffer deeply, immensely, jumping wildly, falling into dust, getting up, flailing, falling striking pink sunrise behind you silhouettes your broken movement so very clearly. car inches onward i honestly know not the correct ethic “never approach a wounded animal” and “you ******* coward put it out of its misery its not dead it is suffering you half killed it it didn’t deserve it you half killed it you mother ****** you should die in its place you killed mother nature herself” i had no gun, only a hunting knife, fishing gear, old french bread if i had a gun i don’t know if i could have shot you dead my shaking hands and teared eyes would fare me poorly i drove off slowly, leaving you to die there in ****** pink sunrise alone, suffering crying out this terrible cry, stealing it from my previous nights dreams my too-nice car inches around corner until you are visually out of sight i am not crying externally but internally i am a tempest of emotion, i smash black dashboard with fists screaming at myself static noise i can hear nothing time stops “i killed it i killed her why didnt i see her” i try to convince myself it all didn’t happen and failed i try to convince myself you live and failed the guilt i bear is immense you were undeserving you are eternally etched now you are a deserved scar we are forever connected i now cradle your still warm carcass within eternal arms of my subconcous my metafingers lightly touch your left broken shoulder bones death stole you like it steals all, untimely, undeserving, brutal.
#death#guilt#grief
el-ignoto
Written by
el-ignoto
Canadian
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
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