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Hey, I already told you that you were a little bit crazy. What did you think—that I was completely nuts? Come on, Cashew, and shake that walnut-sized brain of yours, and then we’ll try to put together a decent menu. Still, I ought to kick you in those itty-bitty sunflower seeds, those ones that you claim to be your source of protein. Hey, Macadamia Breath, accidentally lose the ******* hula dancer and then fire the impending search-and-rescue party! Your tropical trail mix was no good for each other. You need a vacation from this deserted island, Captain Crunch. Go down south and get yourself the businessman’s special. You know—some old-fashioned brazil nuts. Yeah, that’s the two-tickets-to-paradise, for sure. Fool, you really do need to buff up the old almond. Do I need to open up the **** aluminum lid for you? You’ve been stuck inside this assorted, mixed can that you try to refer to as an extra bedroom for nearly nine months. Get out and take in a little hike and bike right after you do the wake and bake. Maybe you should go slow roast yourself at the beach a little. Why don’t you go to the mountains and try to become one of those pine nuts that end up in all of those overpriced health cereals? Hey, Snickers, those dank trees really are beautiful, you know. Would you quit acting like a frikkin’ flax seed already? Just admit that it’s almost payday, for criminy sakes! You pathetic Mister Peanut, you. Please, Saint Chestnut, give this completely lost consumer strength from high above store aisle number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Listen to me, Nutt Sack, will you shake those tiny little beer nuts that no one can seem to stomach anyway? First of all, they are becoming way too stale just sitting around here, so if you continue to wait any longer, they will petrify—and then we will eventually be forced to call you teeth-breaking Corn Nuts!
0
Jul 26, 2014
Jul 26, 2014 at 5:04 PM UTC
Totally Nuts
Hey, I already told you that you were a little bit crazy. What did you think—that I was completely nuts? Come on, Cashew, and shake that walnut-sized brain of yours, and then we’ll try to put together a decent menu. Still, I ought to kick you in those itty-bitty sunflower seeds, those ones that you claim to be your source of protein. Hey, Macadamia Breath, accidentally lose the ******* hula dancer and then fire the impending search-and-rescue party! Your tropical trail mix was no good for each other. You need a vacation from this deserted island, Captain Crunch. Go down south and get yourself the businessman’s special. You know—some old-fashioned brazil nuts. Yeah, that’s the two-tickets-to-paradise, for sure. Fool, you really do need to buff up the old almond. Do I need to open up the **** aluminum lid for you? You’ve been stuck inside this assorted, mixed can that you try to refer to as an extra bedroom for nearly nine months. Get out and take in a little hike and bike right after you do the wake and bake. Maybe you should go slow roast yourself at the beach a little. Why don’t you go to the mountains and try to become one of those pine nuts that end up in all of those overpriced health cereals? Hey, Snickers, those dank trees really are beautiful, you know. Would you quit acting like a frikkin’ flax seed already? Just admit that it’s almost payday, for criminy sakes! You pathetic Mister Peanut, you. Please, Saint Chestnut, give this completely lost consumer strength from high above store aisle number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Listen to me, Nutt Sack, will you shake those tiny little beer nuts that no one can seem to stomach anyway? First of all, they are becoming way too stale just sitting around here, so if you continue to wait any longer, they will petrify—and then we will eventually be forced to call you teeth-breaking Corn Nuts!
From, The Transitive Nightfall Of Diamonds, due out 8/14 from iUniverse books
fred-schrott
Written by
Jul 26, 2014
Jul 26, 2014 at 5:04 PM UTC
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