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jim-fryPoems
the shadow works, 2005-2006 might as well keep them all together ... a journey through the shadowz ... through the possessions ... through the hell ... through me ... through! whew! during this time, i sought support from an indian medicine man, a shaman, past life regression therapist, and a variety of other spiritual healers ... some of those, narrated in depth, elsewhere ... the enclosed is probably not of interest to many, understood, yet offered up, as a journey, narrated through times, via rhymes Heavy May 6, 2005 I feel knee deep in a bog Tackling responsibility for emotions Are these weights a lesson Projections reflected I want things smooth Light and carefree I don’t seek control But expect absence of impact I can’t buy, reason or work My way out of this challenge Each time faced head on I give up ground and accommodate To point of compromise No side is right here What is, just is I have my perceptions And filters And the weight intensifies I want to dissolve it Haven’t figured out how Depression, heavy Rooted inside How do I break free I feel alone Even within myself I don’t know The reflection In the mirror There is a longing to be free Unchained Unbound To live To sleep To find balance Chasm I want to be What I feel I’m not I don’t celebrate What I perceive Myself to be I seek void Death Rebirth Ha Do this again Easier To take flight Black Grey White Tears Rip across my chest Seeking To release my heart Bound and chained I want them to flow Pent emotions Seek exorcism I haven’t surrendered I don’t accept Open I bleed Closed I store pain I want to feel flow Nothing aligned Empty I know Torn Shredded Fragments and shards Differentially Scattered Ungrounded Not whole I want to go home Here come the tears Smiles Dark Envelop July 9, 2005 Feeling my way through the illusion Finding no solace in delusion Have my angels found another to watch over Are my whispers no longer heard and contemplated As I believe I do my best I don’t convince even myself So much struggle and challenge Why do I even travel Away from my bed Prodded along Voices and dialogs In my head I could start again tomorrow Wait, I have done that before Somewhere within, my shadow sneers Chaotic and off balance, I’m fodder Material for my shadow’s jeers ****** ***** and stripped bare Seeking a single reason to care Am I victim to want it all fair Now I recognize this place Hell etched in my face I could so easily quit Leave the game’s race Always another will replace Scripts each written on ****** mace Not yet ready Lessons to learn Though I yearn Tis not my time to rest Not until this unconscious With which I wrest Is balanced and addressed Then, only, will it be my turn I’ll find some sun Seek beauty and joy Transcend this marathon run I’m not the universe’s toy Reflections from the Void August 21, 2005 So, this is death! all distractions departed leaving emptiness, not loneliness gnawing absence of purpose, manifests in tears Purgatory, between somethings that felt to have mattered without logical linkage between then, now and the next then Transitions require momentum energy is here, but failing direction what pursuit of new experience calls none … these moments Sleep comes easy, frequently no dreams revealed in the aftermode void … passionless … lethargic … empty … void emotionless? Looking for some elixir to heal, to know, to feel … the game continues / with tears of the void the potential unknown I guess I do feel alone … why … what the **** is the point … anyways … does this rub … offend … ???? this, my creation, my expression of infinite potential, capacity, too bad that I have no TV to distract … guess I need to process through … ps … if you receive this – love you … for what it is worth ... I guess I am ‘OK’, just feeling my way through ……….. Heart of Sadness November 6, 2005 Incredible, my heart screams of sadness as I accept and surrender Surrender to what I have wrought, what I did from my state of pain Our pain breeds more pain, often, and feeds back upon itself Amplifying toward a crescendo of intensity felt viscerally As our hearts ache In deepening depression, I feel spoiled that I want more than I have I feel I should harden up and move forward, towards, what … If I harden up, I harden my heart and it feels now is the moment to dive into this pain, to learn from this pain, to grow from this pain, to understand from this pain, to rebuild my heart in an open way Experience the pain in full color experience the loneliness, experience the emptiness, experience my void, experience my sorrow, experience my defeat, experience yet another death, experience my drama, experience my immaturity, experience my dysfunctional self, experience the consequences, experience the responsibility, experience the resentment of myself, experience the anger at myself, experience the pain, experience the bleeding, experience the desolation, experience the emotions raw, experience the tears, experience the shredding in my heart grow in compassion, grow in empathy, grow in unconditional love, grow in reverence, grow in acceptance, grow in maturity, grow in awareness I don’t need to sacrifice, I need to celebrate I don’t need to enable, I need to empower I don’t need to think, I need to feel I don’t need to protect, I need to love I don’t need to speak, I need to listen I don’t need to hurt or project, I need to heal Returning Home, Changed November 8, 2005 a lover scampered off then returned past time after everything shifted in another’s heart and mind old windows shuttered no quarter taken or given thus tears held reign from processed pain now at an advanced arc on the circle of love lessons in alchemy seem sent from above this journey now vectored with independent trajectories finding different connection within renewed reflection the cat broke the home the archer wandered on now on new paths each does roam the cat is changing experiencing nature anew with life rearranging deeply ranging in love with you Shadow Teachings November 14, 2005 We have known all along yet didn’t trust those feelings As our subconscious takes charge when we fall asleep at the wheel Just as we continue to breathe within each moment of slumber Some segment within us will always surface to chart our courses With each emotion left unexpressed in the moment another is drawn forth and purged Cycling Withhold, Withdraw, Project The truth will set us free If we have courage to reveal And the truth clears out emotions, two by two one new, one buried Creating space allowing Love, Courage, Creativity, Understanding, Joy, Celebration, Illumination, Growth, LIFE Express or Suppress a Choice of Voice Opportunity found in stormy weather repairing the roof in the rain We may heal together With whomever NOW, then or never It commences via loving thy self Reinforced in experience beyond words from books on the shelf WE WRITE OUR SCRIPTS WE CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE WE ARE RESPONSIBLE WE ARE CREATORS CREATING HOLD REVERENCE IN OUR POWER FOR TRANSMUTING ENERGY WITH LOVE Be Impeccable of Word (seasons of silence and truth to be expressed), Don’t Take It Personal (while observing the internal CHARGE!), Don’t Make Assumptions (they are mostly our projections!), Do Your Best (while ready for universal fireworks!) Reflections Forward November 30, 2005 Where am I going with what I feel today finding pure simplicity laughter, being, love and play Wisdom’s foundation built on wisps of reflections past absorbed experience never allowed to wilt My soul has been heard that incessant screaming now finally ceased still raw yet healing moment by moment with each regression new levels encountered it was always my lessons cycling for conclusion the tool is divine yet a challenge to master wanting to be there faster just where right here presence in now Tao honor in flow faith in it all no withdraw from my call Crumbles Whelp, that was intense Wrong words Wrong tone Wrong subject How fast creation changes dissolves and begins Anew Suddenly all the discussion all the plans all the harmony evaporated reminding me to look back within I didn’t know we were that fragile without enough foundation relation What does this circumstance reflect about me never independent at least I remained calm and found compassion without projection I honored the four agreements as I watched you cry as I absorbed the barbs flung and chose not to deflect mostly silent as I elected to simply reflect on your pain your sorrow that I couldn’t prevent heal or soften The dream has faded the future now foggy I know depression I know sadness I know empathy and love I choose life I choose growth I choose to heal I choose to love Paths feel divergent with new adventure just around the corner I gave my love my attention affection and soul Angels!!!!! support me now as I shed these tears listen as I call I won’t stagger much I won’t fall but face unknown years unknown fears Nobody Knew Me 2006.01.31 No other soul Experienced me Fully authentic As I lay hiding From myself Doubting I could survive Naked When my Mother Declared My friend And Lover Was EVIL My delusion Fractured Within moments Over days Illusions crumbled Imploded In fragments Then shards Of recognition Crept Then flooded in I found myself In darkness Exposed and bare I had strove With my unique intensity To be Validated Nurtured Wanted Touched And Loved To obtain these desires I Compromised I Manipulated I Projected I Overwhelmed I would then Withdraw I closed my eyes Then my ears Then my touch Then my mind And finally my heart I wove stories And swam, immersed In my lies My truth and core Thus illuminated In both peace And tears of sorrow I have been alone I belong alone I shall be alone While I meet Myself, now Innocent Again I release Mom’s rejection Transmuting her reflection And transfiguring Her projection Thank you, Mother You missed just one aspect The EVIL was MINE I created my experience To break my own chains Script complete Curtain falls No applause No audience Now Silence Nobody knew me Not Even Me Tears Joy to follow Unwelcome Back 2006.03.17 The dark visitors have arrived and tears stream down my checks are these demons another component of ‘me’? I call, sincerely on angels and help yet remain feeling disconnected Tonight was supposed to be about sharing, growth and healing yet why, again am I left reeling Am I paying for karmic bonds both instant and past is it time, yet again, to merely fast to turn off these emotions suppress yet another round I have again found the deep pain why is it so hard to love and transcend my pain There are keys I haven’t yet found there are messages silent in sound I don’t know myself though I look with intensity I apologize here and now for exposing myself projecting myself dragging anyone down to my despair felt beyond repair Harr! this IS the trap feeling alone feeling the sorrow missing the balance reveling in another tomorrow This game is ****** up get over it now bring forth the light shine in true essence become in presence it is easy to quit resign and give up Hail beyond!!!!!!!!! Creators transcend right up from the muck
0
Nov 13, 2010
Nov 13, 2010 at 7:34 PM UTC
the shadow works (lonnnnnng)
the shadow works, 2005-2006 might as well keep them all together ... a journey through the shadowz ... through the possessions ... through the hell ... through me ... through! whew! during this time, i sought support from an indian medicine man, a shaman, past life regression therapist, and a variety of other spiritual healers ... some of those, narrated in depth, elsewhere ... the enclosed is probably not of interest to many, understood, yet offered up, as a journey, narrated through times, via rhymes Heavy May 6, 2005 I feel knee deep in a bog Tackling responsibility for emotions Are these weights a lesson Projections reflected I want things smooth Light and carefree I don’t seek control But expect absence of impact I can’t buy, reason or work My way out of this challenge Each time faced head on I give up ground and accommodate To point of compromise No side is right here What is, just is I have my perceptions And filters And the weight intensifies I want to dissolve it Haven’t figured out how Depression, heavy Rooted inside How do I break free I feel alone Even within myself I don’t know The reflection In the mirror There is a longing to be free Unchained Unbound To live To sleep To find balance Chasm I want to be What I feel I’m not I don’t celebrate What I perceive Myself to be I seek void Death Rebirth Ha Do this again Easier To take flight Black Grey White Tears Rip across my chest Seeking To release my heart Bound and chained I want them to flow Pent emotions Seek exorcism I haven’t surrendered I don’t accept Open I bleed Closed I store pain I want to feel flow Nothing aligned Empty I know Torn Shredded Fragments and shards Differentially Scattered Ungrounded Not whole I want to go home Here come the tears Smiles Dark Envelop July 9, 2005 Feeling my way through the illusion Finding no solace in delusion Have my angels found another to watch over Are my whispers no longer heard and contemplated As I believe I do my best I don’t convince even myself So much struggle and challenge Why do I even travel Away from my bed Prodded along Voices and dialogs In my head I could start again tomorrow Wait, I have done that before Somewhere within, my shadow sneers Chaotic and off balance, I’m fodder Material for my shadow’s jeers ****** ***** and stripped bare Seeking a single reason to care Am I victim to want it all fair Now I recognize this place Hell etched in my face I could so easily quit Leave the game’s race Always another will replace Scripts each written on ****** mace Not yet ready Lessons to learn Though I yearn Tis not my time to rest Not until this unconscious With which I wrest Is balanced and addressed Then, only, will it be my turn I’ll find some sun Seek beauty and joy Transcend this marathon run I’m not the universe’s toy Reflections from the Void August 21, 2005 So, this is death! all distractions departed leaving emptiness, not loneliness gnawing absence of purpose, manifests in tears Purgatory, between somethings that felt to have mattered without logical linkage between then, now and the next then Transitions require momentum energy is here, but failing direction what pursuit of new experience calls none … these moments Sleep comes easy, frequently no dreams revealed in the aftermode void … passionless … lethargic … empty … void emotionless? Looking for some elixir to heal, to know, to feel … the game continues / with tears of the void the potential unknown I guess I do feel alone … why … what the **** is the point … anyways … does this rub … offend … ???? this, my creation, my expression of infinite potential, capacity, too bad that I have no TV to distract … guess I need to process through … ps … if you receive this – love you … for what it is worth ... I guess I am ‘OK’, just feeling my way through ……….. Heart of Sadness November 6, 2005 Incredible, my heart screams of sadness as I accept and surrender Surrender to what I have wrought, what I did from my state of pain Our pain breeds more pain, often, and feeds back upon itself Amplifying toward a crescendo of intensity felt viscerally As our hearts ache In deepening depression, I feel spoiled that I want more than I have I feel I should harden up and move forward, towards, what … If I harden up, I harden my heart and it feels now is the moment to dive into this pain, to learn from this pain, to grow from this pain, to understand from this pain, to rebuild my heart in an open way Experience the pain in full color experience the loneliness, experience the emptiness, experience my void, experience my sorrow, experience my defeat, experience yet another death, experience my drama, experience my immaturity, experience my dysfunctional self, experience the consequences, experience the responsibility, experience the resentment of myself, experience the anger at myself, experience the pain, experience the bleeding, experience the desolation, experience the emotions raw, experience the tears, experience the shredding in my heart grow in compassion, grow in empathy, grow in unconditional love, grow in reverence, grow in acceptance, grow in maturity, grow in awareness I don’t need to sacrifice, I need to celebrate I don’t need to enable, I need to empower I don’t need to think, I need to feel I don’t need to protect, I need to love I don’t need to speak, I need to listen I don’t need to hurt or project, I need to heal Returning Home, Changed November 8, 2005 a lover scampered off then returned past time after everything shifted in another’s heart and mind old windows shuttered no quarter taken or given thus tears held reign from processed pain now at an advanced arc on the circle of love lessons in alchemy seem sent from above this journey now vectored with independent trajectories finding different connection within renewed reflection the cat broke the home the archer wandered on now on new paths each does roam the cat is changing experiencing nature anew with life rearranging deeply ranging in love with you Shadow Teachings November 14, 2005 We have known all along yet didn’t trust those feelings As our subconscious takes charge when we fall asleep at the wheel Just as we continue to breathe within each moment of slumber Some segment within us will always surface to chart our courses With each emotion left unexpressed in the moment another is drawn forth and purged Cycling Withhold, Withdraw, Project The truth will set us free If we have courage to reveal And the truth clears out emotions, two by two one new, one buried Creating space allowing Love, Courage, Creativity, Understanding, Joy, Celebration, Illumination, Growth, LIFE Express or Suppress a Choice of Voice Opportunity found in stormy weather repairing the roof in the rain We may heal together With whomever NOW, then or never It commences via loving thy self Reinforced in experience beyond words from books on the shelf WE WRITE OUR SCRIPTS WE CREATE OUR EXPERIENCE WE ARE RESPONSIBLE WE ARE CREATORS CREATING HOLD REVERENCE IN OUR POWER FOR TRANSMUTING ENERGY WITH LOVE Be Impeccable of Word (seasons of silence and truth to be expressed), Don’t Take It Personal (while observing the internal CHARGE!), Don’t Make Assumptions (they are mostly our projections!), Do Your Best (while ready for universal fireworks!) Reflections Forward November 30, 2005 Where am I going with what I feel today finding pure simplicity laughter, being, love and play Wisdom’s foundation built on wisps of reflections past absorbed experience never allowed to wilt My soul has been heard that incessant screaming now finally ceased still raw yet healing moment by moment with each regression new levels encountered it was always my lessons cycling for conclusion the tool is divine yet a challenge to master wanting to be there faster just where right here presence in now Tao honor in flow faith in it all no withdraw from my call Crumbles Whelp, that was intense Wrong words Wrong tone Wrong subject How fast creation changes dissolves and begins Anew Suddenly all the discussion all the plans all the harmony evaporated reminding me to look back within I didn’t know we were that fragile without enough foundation relation What does this circumstance reflect about me never independent at least I remained calm and found compassion without projection I honored the four agreements as I watched you cry as I absorbed the barbs flung and chose not to deflect mostly silent as I elected to simply reflect on your pain your sorrow that I couldn’t prevent heal or soften The dream has faded the future now foggy I know depression I know sadness I know empathy and love I choose life I choose growth I choose to heal I choose to love Paths feel divergent with new adventure just around the corner I gave my love my attention affection and soul Angels!!!!! support me now as I shed these tears listen as I call I won’t stagger much I won’t fall but face unknown years unknown fears Nobody Knew Me 2006.01.31 No other soul Experienced me Fully authentic As I lay hiding From myself Doubting I could survive Naked When my Mother Declared My friend And Lover Was EVIL My delusion Fractured Within moments Over days Illusions crumbled Imploded In fragments Then shards Of recognition Crept Then flooded in I found myself In darkness Exposed and bare I had strove With my unique intensity To be Validated Nurtured Wanted Touched And Loved To obtain these desires I Compromised I Manipulated I Projected I Overwhelmed I would then Withdraw I closed my eyes Then my ears Then my touch Then my mind And finally my heart I wove stories And swam, immersed In my lies My truth and core Thus illuminated In both peace And tears of sorrow I have been alone I belong alone I shall be alone While I meet Myself, now Innocent Again I release Mom’s rejection Transmuting her reflection And transfiguring Her projection Thank you, Mother You missed just one aspect The EVIL was MINE I created my experience To break my own chains Script complete Curtain falls No applause No audience Now Silence Nobody knew me Not Even Me Tears Joy to follow Unwelcome Back 2006.03.17 The dark visitors have arrived and tears stream down my checks are these demons another component of ‘me’? I call, sincerely on angels and help yet remain feeling disconnected Tonight was supposed to be about sharing, growth and healing yet why, again am I left reeling Am I paying for karmic bonds both instant and past is it time, yet again, to merely fast to turn off these emotions suppress yet another round I have again found the deep pain why is it so hard to love and transcend my pain There are keys I haven’t yet found there are messages silent in sound I don’t know myself though I look with intensity I apologize here and now for exposing myself projecting myself dragging anyone down to my despair felt beyond repair Harr! this IS the trap feeling alone feeling the sorrow missing the balance reveling in another tomorrow This game is ****** up get over it now bring forth the light shine in true essence become in presence it is easy to quit resign and give up Hail beyond!!!!!!!!! Creators transcend right up from the muck
Written by
jim-fry
Nov 13, 2010
Nov 13, 2010 at 7:34 PM UTC
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