Panning in on the last four years, I remember
the times I was jealous of each of you
the things you’ve done that I’ll never do
the wishes I’ve made that have yet to come true
and as I take those times, those things and those wishes
and compare them to all that I’ve done and had,
I remember, too, that what you do is what you do
and that your lives are yours to lead
and that your time is yours to use as you please.
So I’ve pleaded with myself to let go
of the restrictions
that used to control my depiction of my self worth.
I remember when you made the better grade
when you would flaunt how much you paid
when you were not scared to parade around
and prove to everyone just how proud you were to be you,
but not because of what you’d do
or what you knew,
but because you could beat the others through-and-through,
no matter the circumstances.
I remember believing there was no space
for someone like me to take in a place of so much
"style and grace"… such as that which surrounds you…
And I remember how dumb I’d feel
how weak I’d feel
how small I’d feel
and just how **** unreal it was
to know that in no way, shape or form did I belong here
'cause some of this place inflated my fear
that I simply wasn’t good enough.
I had not stayed at the Ritz,
I had not been to ten countries,
I had not gotten a new Beamer at 16, crashed it, and then received an
even newer, nicer Beamer the following week.
(I mean really?)
But then I remember that I’m not you —
any of you —
that I’ll never do what any of you do
because your experiences are your own to keep
and I don’t want them for myself.
I’ve had my own thoughts and not been afraid to share them.
I’ve fallen, ripped my jeans and been proud to wear them.
I’ve got bad memories but I’ll always be glad to bare them,
because my experiences are my own and I want you all to know
that I’m not ashamed of my life,
and this poem isn’t about strife and how to avoid it.
All I’m trying to say is that I’ve cared what you think
but I’ve learned how to clear my mind and make sure it’s devoid of
comparisons to all the things you’ve done
'cause our time in this world has a limit
and I’m running my race, I aim to finish
and if I only care about me, I know I’ll win it.
And the same goes for this whole group
'cause if you never get the clue that
you’re only real competition will always be you,
then you’ll miss out on all of life’s true value.
But I didn’t realize this all on my own;
I’ve had people to guide me toward a path
that allowed me to hone in
on what’s real and what to disregard so I never feel
unworthy of or lesser than
those around me, so I’m able to stand
up on my two feet,
to not worry about defeat
and here’s my shout out to you
(you know who you are)
who fought my battles with me
and helped me stand my guard.
But this is for everyone in the room —
Just don’t forget your mistakes
and I won’t forget mine, ‘cause they’re the things that made me
what and who I’ll always be and
even though I’ve lied and I’ve cheated,
had my name typed as head prefect but then had it deleted,
I’m still in the lead ‘cause I’m thinking of me today.
What you need already lies in you,
no matter how much you hope and pray.
But here comes the baton and I’ve got to hand it to myself —
I’m kickin’ (chapel edit) at this relay.
Mar 1, 2014
Mar 1, 2014 at 3:59 PM UTC
Panning in on the last four years, I remember
the times I was jealous of each of you
the things you’ve done that I’ll never do
the wishes I’ve made that have yet to come true
and as I take those times, those things and those wishes
and compare them to all that I’ve done and had,
I remember, too, that what you do is what you do
and that your lives are yours to lead
and that your time is yours to use as you please.
So I’ve pleaded with myself to let go
of the restrictions
that used to control my depiction of my self worth.
I remember when you made the better grade
when you would flaunt how much you paid
when you were not scared to parade around
and prove to everyone just how proud you were to be you,
but not because of what you’d do
or what you knew,
but because you could beat the others through-and-through,
no matter the circumstances.
I remember believing there was no space
for someone like me to take in a place of so much
"style and grace"… such as that which surrounds you…
And I remember how dumb I’d feel
how weak I’d feel
how small I’d feel
and just how **** unreal it was
to know that in no way, shape or form did I belong here
'cause some of this place inflated my fear
that I simply wasn’t good enough.
I had not stayed at the Ritz,
I had not been to ten countries,
I had not gotten a new Beamer at 16, crashed it, and then received an
even newer, nicer Beamer the following week.
(I mean really?)
But then I remember that I’m not you —
any of you —
that I’ll never do what any of you do
because your experiences are your own to keep
and I don’t want them for myself.
I’ve had my own thoughts and not been afraid to share them.
I’ve fallen, ripped my jeans and been proud to wear them.
I’ve got bad memories but I’ll always be glad to bare them,
because my experiences are my own and I want you all to know
that I’m not ashamed of my life,
and this poem isn’t about strife and how to avoid it.
All I’m trying to say is that I’ve cared what you think
but I’ve learned how to clear my mind and make sure it’s devoid of
comparisons to all the things you’ve done
'cause our time in this world has a limit
and I’m running my race, I aim to finish
and if I only care about me, I know I’ll win it.
And the same goes for this whole group
'cause if you never get the clue that
you’re only real competition will always be you,
then you’ll miss out on all of life’s true value.
But I didn’t realize this all on my own;
I’ve had people to guide me toward a path
that allowed me to hone in
on what’s real and what to disregard so I never feel
unworthy of or lesser than
those around me, so I’m able to stand
up on my two feet,
to not worry about defeat
and here’s my shout out to you
(you know who you are)
who fought my battles with me
and helped me stand my guard.
But this is for everyone in the room —
Just don’t forget your mistakes
and I won’t forget mine, ‘cause they’re the things that made me
what and who I’ll always be and
even though I’ve lied and I’ve cheated,
had my name typed as head prefect but then had it deleted,
I’m still in the lead ‘cause I’m thinking of me today.
What you need already lies in you,
no matter how much you hope and pray.
But here comes the baton and I’ve got to hand it to myself —
I’m kickin’ (chapel edit) at this relay.