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ash13yPoems
"if you count to ten, do you feel any lighter at all?" another night. another set of infinite numbers. every one that i count weighs down on me, pressure building behind my eyes, boulders on my shoulders and shackles to my wrists. another day. alienating everyone. pushing for the sake of pushing, kneading at pressure points - boom. pushing and pushing every button like a kid in an elevator. punching at raw material until it sags and self-destructs, until they whip back and attack me, make me feel the anger and hatred - oh, the hatred - that i feel for myself. because i want to feel this way. i want to be alone, because i deserve it. i deserve tears and blood and burning. i deserve isolation. i am terrible. i am not human. i am the monster, every form of it. i am the oozing jealousy and the sting of cruel wit. i am the slow burning loathing and the white hot rage at something so inconsequential. i am the deepest pit of black and the void that cannot be filled, that vacuums every living thing down into its belly. i cannot feel lighter when the whole of this world i've swallowed rests on my back. no, i'm not lighter. i'm weaker. the weakest, most wicked beast to roam these halls. it is all too much. all too much. i deserve the weight. let it drag me down into black oceans, because i won't fight it anymore.
0
Feb 11, 2014
Feb 11, 2014 at 12:12 AM UTC
any lighter
"if you count to ten, do you feel any lighter at all?" another night. another set of infinite numbers. every one that i count weighs down on me, pressure building behind my eyes, boulders on my shoulders and shackles to my wrists. another day. alienating everyone. pushing for the sake of pushing, kneading at pressure points - boom. pushing and pushing every button like a kid in an elevator. punching at raw material until it sags and self-destructs, until they whip back and attack me, make me feel the anger and hatred - oh, the hatred - that i feel for myself. because i want to feel this way. i want to be alone, because i deserve it. i deserve tears and blood and burning. i deserve isolation. i am terrible. i am not human. i am the monster, every form of it. i am the oozing jealousy and the sting of cruel wit. i am the slow burning loathing and the white hot rage at something so inconsequential. i am the deepest pit of black and the void that cannot be filled, that vacuums every living thing down into its belly. i cannot feel lighter when the whole of this world i've swallowed rests on my back. no, i'm not lighter. i'm weaker. the weakest, most wicked beast to roam these halls. it is all too much. all too much. i deserve the weight. let it drag me down into black oceans, because i won't fight it anymore.
ash13y
Written by
ash13y
21/F/American
Feb 11, 2014
Feb 11, 2014 at 12:12 AM UTC
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