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There are nights where I sit with silence like an unpaid debt, counting every word they threw at me as if they were prophets and I was born to fail. “Loser.” Such a small word for something that can hollow out a man from the inside. They said it when I loved too hard. Said it when I stayed too long. Said it when life bent my knees and I couldn’t hide the shaking. And after enough people call you broken, you start introducing yourself that way to your own reflection. So I walked through life with my head lowered, like the sky itself had something against me. I watched other men move with certainty, with money in their pockets, with confidence in their smiles, while I carried storms inside my chest and called it weakness. No one tells you how exhausting it is to be a man who is still trying to believe he deserves softness too. I became familiar with self-hatred. It sat beside me during long drives home, slept beside me at night, followed me into mirrors and whispered: “You will never be enough.” But still somehow I woke up every morning. Still tied my shoes. Still carried my scars through another day. Still searched for light with tired eyes. Maybe strength is not loud after all. Maybe strength is a man who has been called worthless so many times yet still chooses not to disappear. And maybe healing starts the moment he realizes he was never a loser just human, just hurt, just trying to survive a world that taught him to measure his worth through the eyes of people who never truly saw him.
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May 19
May 19, 2026 at 3:16 PM UTC
The Names They Gave Me
There are nights where I sit with silence like an unpaid debt, counting every word they threw at me as if they were prophets and I was born to fail. “Loser.” Such a small word for something that can hollow out a man from the inside. They said it when I loved too hard. Said it when I stayed too long. Said it when life bent my knees and I couldn’t hide the shaking. And after enough people call you broken, you start introducing yourself that way to your own reflection. So I walked through life with my head lowered, like the sky itself had something against me. I watched other men move with certainty, with money in their pockets, with confidence in their smiles, while I carried storms inside my chest and called it weakness. No one tells you how exhausting it is to be a man who is still trying to believe he deserves softness too. I became familiar with self-hatred. It sat beside me during long drives home, slept beside me at night, followed me into mirrors and whispered: “You will never be enough.” But still somehow I woke up every morning. Still tied my shoes. Still carried my scars through another day. Still searched for light with tired eyes. Maybe strength is not loud after all. Maybe strength is a man who has been called worthless so many times yet still chooses not to disappear. And maybe healing starts the moment he realizes he was never a loser just human, just hurt, just trying to survive a world that taught him to measure his worth through the eyes of people who never truly saw him.
siphelele-mbatha
Written by
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 3:16 PM UTC
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