I became a shell of myself
and spent the rest of my life
finding makeshift homes
in everyone else.
Life as I knew it ended
When I turned 10
When the kids at school decided
I was too much for them
Always excluded, never invited
Always made to feel like the problem
But instead of waiting for them
To welcome me and open the door
I'd bust it down, stage a break-in
Because all I wanted was to feel cared for
But I'd get backed into corners
Shrinking myself for them to fit
I looked in a mirror and asked myself
Would I rather be unwanted
Or suffocated
Then I was 18 and in love
Rather, fighting to be loved
I remember all the hoops I'd jump
Days without his replies
Loud love for his friends
Near-silence about me online
It all piled up like attic boxes
Gathering dust, never to be pulled out
It's never fun being the afterthought
All the things we'd sweep
Under the rug
But fighting for his attention
Became my favorite drug
I'd watch him with his loved ones
How he'd make time for and dine with them
I'd lay the table, cook his favorite
He'd show up, but it was never consistent
I observed his close girl friends
I'd look in the mirror, furnish myself, redecorate
Thinking I'd lose him
To something they had, that I didn't
I overstayed my welcome before I knew it
I packed my things, gathered my courage
We called it quits, I found the keys and bolted
Then I turned 23
Lost someone I thought
would be a forever friend
But then I'd remember
The days I'd spend
walking on eggshells
whenever we disagreed
I'd polish plates and clean corners
To keep them appeased
That whenever tensions eased
And shouting hushed to silence
I'd pray that it'd last for more than a week
But all resentment did was breed distance
I was obsessed with winning their favor
Time spent dusting surfaces, fixing chairs
I'd look in the mirror
It wasn't my face staring back, but theirs
Coming out of it I realized
How much life have I spent
Shrinking myself
To fit someone's mold
Making space for them
Without holding my own?
I'm 26 now
I've spent my whole life
making homes out of everyone else
Today, I chose to come home to myself
Am I crawling into my own shell
Or finally coming out of it?
I unlock the door
I dust off the mirror
There's a girl staring back
But I don't recognize her
Not anymore
Welcome home
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 11:51 AM UTC
I became a shell of myself
and spent the rest of my life
finding makeshift homes
in everyone else.
Life as I knew it ended
When I turned 10
When the kids at school decided
I was too much for them
Always excluded, never invited
Always made to feel like the problem
But instead of waiting for them
To welcome me and open the door
I'd bust it down, stage a break-in
Because all I wanted was to feel cared for
But I'd get backed into corners
Shrinking myself for them to fit
I looked in a mirror and asked myself
Would I rather be unwanted
Or suffocated
Then I was 18 and in love
Rather, fighting to be loved
I remember all the hoops I'd jump
Days without his replies
Loud love for his friends
Near-silence about me online
It all piled up like attic boxes
Gathering dust, never to be pulled out
It's never fun being the afterthought
All the things we'd sweep
Under the rug
But fighting for his attention
Became my favorite drug
I'd watch him with his loved ones
How he'd make time for and dine with them
I'd lay the table, cook his favorite
He'd show up, but it was never consistent
I observed his close girl friends
I'd look in the mirror, furnish myself, redecorate
Thinking I'd lose him
To something they had, that I didn't
I overstayed my welcome before I knew it
I packed my things, gathered my courage
We called it quits, I found the keys and bolted
Then I turned 23
Lost someone I thought
would be a forever friend
But then I'd remember
The days I'd spend
walking on eggshells
whenever we disagreed
I'd polish plates and clean corners
To keep them appeased
That whenever tensions eased
And shouting hushed to silence
I'd pray that it'd last for more than a week
But all resentment did was breed distance
I was obsessed with winning their favor
Time spent dusting surfaces, fixing chairs
I'd look in the mirror
It wasn't my face staring back, but theirs
Coming out of it I realized
How much life have I spent
Shrinking myself
To fit someone's mold
Making space for them
Without holding my own?
I'm 26 now
I've spent my whole life
making homes out of everyone else
Today, I chose to come home to myself
Am I crawling into my own shell
Or finally coming out of it?
I unlock the door
I dust off the mirror
There's a girl staring back
But I don't recognize her
Not anymore
Welcome home
continuation of something i wrote towards the end of 2023. taking ownership for my self-inflicted wounds from not knowing who i was and adjusting my personality to whoever i put on a pedestal in my life
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