I try to get a grip,
but It's loud,
and my ears ring with something violent.
My heart races to a song too fast to hear.
Sweat drips off my palms as they press against my ears,
trying to block out the sound,
trying to block myself out.
A million thoughts blur into nothing.
My mind’s background switches violently between a blank slate for miles,
white noise and echos,
endless winding halls that all look alike,
and three dimensional neon graffiti,
and screaming people
trying desperately to read it.
My breaths come shallow and quick.
I can’t think of anything,
can’t piece together a single thought,
but at the same time, I can think everything,
it’s just
too bright,
too loud,
too incoherent
to comprehend.
I feel numb,
a blaring and defining sort of numb,
like tinnitus in a silent room.
Time is distorted,
minutes become hours,
and hours become seconds.
Everything is shrouded in a thick haze.
It’s too quiet now.
I almost long for the noise because there's a guilty sense of absence now.
My eyes are too tired to dart around.
I step into the shower fully clothed,
lacking the energy to undress.
I turn the *** as far right as it will go,
I sit down,
trying to control my breath.
My chest feels heavy.
My hands are weak,
they tremble against each other as I hold them,
as if to pray to a god that has let me down.
As if to beg for mercy.
I need to cry,
but the racking sobs that flood my brain
fail to communicate with my tear ducts.
I sit until the water goes icy,
still curled in a ball.
I take a long, deep breath,
shove every feeling down,
and keep walking.
Because if I don’t,
what purpose would I have?
Apr 1
Apr 1, 2026 at 11:57 AM UTC
I try to get a grip,
but It's loud,
and my ears ring with something violent.
My heart races to a song too fast to hear.
Sweat drips off my palms as they press against my ears,
trying to block out the sound,
trying to block myself out.
A million thoughts blur into nothing.
My mind’s background switches violently between a blank slate for miles,
white noise and echos,
endless winding halls that all look alike,
and three dimensional neon graffiti,
and screaming people
trying desperately to read it.
My breaths come shallow and quick.
I can’t think of anything,
can’t piece together a single thought,
but at the same time, I can think everything,
it’s just
too bright,
too loud,
too incoherent
to comprehend.
I feel numb,
a blaring and defining sort of numb,
like tinnitus in a silent room.
Time is distorted,
minutes become hours,
and hours become seconds.
Everything is shrouded in a thick haze.
It’s too quiet now.
I almost long for the noise because there's a guilty sense of absence now.
My eyes are too tired to dart around.
I step into the shower fully clothed,
lacking the energy to undress.
I turn the *** as far right as it will go,
I sit down,
trying to control my breath.
My chest feels heavy.
My hands are weak,
they tremble against each other as I hold them,
as if to pray to a god that has let me down.
As if to beg for mercy.
I need to cry,
but the racking sobs that flood my brain
fail to communicate with my tear ducts.
I sit until the water goes icy,
still curled in a ball.
I take a long, deep breath,
shove every feeling down,
and keep walking.
Because if I don’t,
what purpose would I have?
everything will be okay, I promise
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