I was hoping you would stay.
Waiting for your open arms to shelter my fragile heart.
Calling out for love.
Calling out for life.
Stretch along the canvas coated in neglect.
Draw over every faded tear with black and gauze.
That it all faded away.
Everyone fades away.
My tears fled this media coded life.
Dregs of soul dripping on broken ground.
I tried to save my time.
I failed to save our time.
I was hoping you would say.
Kind and loving words shatter my selfish heart.
My dreams that felt so far.
My dreams I had held so dear.
I drew and they drew lucent words on my passage.
Scripture that fell away from adhesion lost in rain.
Where there was hope.
Where there was faith.
This body that warped, curled and waned.
My mind whining, echoing and warring.
The end that I had feared.
The end that spoke my name.
I was hoping you could stay.
Be mindful of the mildew falling from the stars.
The bridge that we built.
The bridge you needed buried.
I scar and I bruise every mistake marks me a fool.
Alone in anxiety in a room of unfinished transcripts.
Cut from dye and bark.
Bled from skin and bone.
Dead on a bed to rise again the next day.
Minded, mellowed, marked.
Every word brokers difference.
Every space brokers distance.
I was hoping you would say the quiet part out loud.
Catch the fallen star as it smiles back at you.
I tried so hard to love.
I tried so hard to fight.
Making minded morose words fill the guise of my heart.
Candid caring caressing coldness lining every stroke.
Distance defines their destinies.
Endings earn their epitaphs.
Flailing, fighting and burning through freak outs.
Gaze glowering into my guilt ridden gesture.
Hampering, holding your hand.
Immobilizing, icing your input.
There was nothing.
There was nothing beyond this place, or before it.
Our home and life is no longer alive and warm.
It exists only in my memory now.
In every joke, a thread of agony.
I followed my heart that was rotten.
I lived by instinct that was sabotaged.
I moved by dreams that weren't my own.
I believed in tenants from memories I'd hid away.
So no. I don't think I'm wrong. I don't blame myself for my poor choices when my player card was rigged from the jump.
I felt love that healed my rot.
I loved stories that corrected my beliefs.
I disowned hope that could not build a life I wanted.
I unlocked and survived my hellish past.
But it took time.
It took a lot of time and pain and misery.
I wish you could have stayed to see me now as you are one of the best parts of me and you always will be that part in me.
You are a key in my heart and I love you so much for that.
I wish you could have said the quiet part out loud.
That you felt I was already lost.
That nothing would change that belief.
But even saying that, did not want to be the thing that pushed me over your imagined edge.
Abstained from the responsibility of associating with me.
I'll see you when its all over I guess.
Even if you wouldn't see me then.
Maybe I'll die of old age.
But I live through tomorrow, placing your absence at the back of my mind.
Where it sits knowing the simple fact.
I miss you and it still hurts that you want nothing to do with me.
Because words on my page are your nickname.
And my words on your page are the same.
And I can't change that you don't want me to talk to you.
That another unhinged poem about you crumples into existence.
Another paper of pain.
Mar 24
Mar 24, 2026 at 5:44 AM UTC
I was hoping you would stay.
Waiting for your open arms to shelter my fragile heart.
Calling out for love.
Calling out for life.
Stretch along the canvas coated in neglect.
Draw over every faded tear with black and gauze.
That it all faded away.
Everyone fades away.
My tears fled this media coded life.
Dregs of soul dripping on broken ground.
I tried to save my time.
I failed to save our time.
I was hoping you would say.
Kind and loving words shatter my selfish heart.
My dreams that felt so far.
My dreams I had held so dear.
I drew and they drew lucent words on my passage.
Scripture that fell away from adhesion lost in rain.
Where there was hope.
Where there was faith.
This body that warped, curled and waned.
My mind whining, echoing and warring.
The end that I had feared.
The end that spoke my name.
I was hoping you could stay.
Be mindful of the mildew falling from the stars.
The bridge that we built.
The bridge you needed buried.
I scar and I bruise every mistake marks me a fool.
Alone in anxiety in a room of unfinished transcripts.
Cut from dye and bark.
Bled from skin and bone.
Dead on a bed to rise again the next day.
Minded, mellowed, marked.
Every word brokers difference.
Every space brokers distance.
I was hoping you would say the quiet part out loud.
Catch the fallen star as it smiles back at you.
I tried so hard to love.
I tried so hard to fight.
Making minded morose words fill the guise of my heart.
Candid caring caressing coldness lining every stroke.
Distance defines their destinies.
Endings earn their epitaphs.
Flailing, fighting and burning through freak outs.
Gaze glowering into my guilt ridden gesture.
Hampering, holding your hand.
Immobilizing, icing your input.
There was nothing.
There was nothing beyond this place, or before it.
Our home and life is no longer alive and warm.
It exists only in my memory now.
In every joke, a thread of agony.
I followed my heart that was rotten.
I lived by instinct that was sabotaged.
I moved by dreams that weren't my own.
I believed in tenants from memories I'd hid away.
So no. I don't think I'm wrong. I don't blame myself for my poor choices when my player card was rigged from the jump.
I felt love that healed my rot.
I loved stories that corrected my beliefs.
I disowned hope that could not build a life I wanted.
I unlocked and survived my hellish past.
But it took time.
It took a lot of time and pain and misery.
I wish you could have stayed to see me now as you are one of the best parts of me and you always will be that part in me.
You are a key in my heart and I love you so much for that.
I wish you could have said the quiet part out loud.
That you felt I was already lost.
That nothing would change that belief.
But even saying that, did not want to be the thing that pushed me over your imagined edge.
Abstained from the responsibility of associating with me.
I'll see you when its all over I guess.
Even if you wouldn't see me then.
Maybe I'll die of old age.
But I live through tomorrow, placing your absence at the back of my mind.
Where it sits knowing the simple fact.
I miss you and it still hurts that you want nothing to do with me.
Because words on my page are your nickname.
And my words on your page are the same.
And I can't change that you don't want me to talk to you.
That another unhinged poem about you crumples into existence.
Another paper of pain.
