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mikailaPoems
I wonder if you're in his arms right now And it makes me Sick. It's been nearly a year And it hasn't gotten easier. It hasn't gotten easier. It hasn't gotten easier. It always did wreck me, that I could wake up in the middle of the night And wonder if you were in bed with him Right then. It always destroyed me Because I never got that. I never shared that with you. You... You were the only person I ever wanted to sleep with. And yet You weren't the first. You weren't the first. You weren't the first. Because you left. The night it happened I never told you I cried Because you weren't the first. (I wonder if I will cry Every time.) I wanted you to think That I didn't care, that I could do what you did. But inside I never felt a thing but empty And I will always be devastated that You weren't the first. And maybe Maybe you won't be anything At all, Maybe I will never be that close to you Ever. And that's why nights like this When I sit alone and wonder If you are with him Right Now Crush me just like always. And inside I can feel my bones crack and splinter Until I'm a pile of twigs and dust And I change the channel on the television instead Of splinting them back together. Because I sort of want to stay crushed. Because you are still The only person I want to be that close to, The only person I want to have All of me. My skin belongs to you And to this day whenever anyone else touches me Part of me secretly wants to push them away. And I know I will have to live with that Through your love affairs Your marriages Your children Your divorces Your choices Your life. I will have to live somehow With that beating right next to my heart Knocking it out of time, hitting it like a punching bag. Tomorrow I will notch my chin higher. Tomorrow I will smile. Tomorrow I will be strong. But tonight? Tonight I don't want to pretend I'm okay with it. And no matter how high I turn the volume on the tv, No matter what I read or listen to or draw or write, I know that I will not be able to drive from my mind The skewering thought That maybe tonight You are in bed With him.
0
Nov 29, 2013
Nov 29, 2013 at 12:04 AM UTC
My Skin Belongs To You
I wonder if you're in his arms right now And it makes me Sick. It's been nearly a year And it hasn't gotten easier. It hasn't gotten easier. It hasn't gotten easier. It always did wreck me, that I could wake up in the middle of the night And wonder if you were in bed with him Right then. It always destroyed me Because I never got that. I never shared that with you. You... You were the only person I ever wanted to sleep with. And yet You weren't the first. You weren't the first. You weren't the first. Because you left. The night it happened I never told you I cried Because you weren't the first. (I wonder if I will cry Every time.) I wanted you to think That I didn't care, that I could do what you did. But inside I never felt a thing but empty And I will always be devastated that You weren't the first. And maybe Maybe you won't be anything At all, Maybe I will never be that close to you Ever. And that's why nights like this When I sit alone and wonder If you are with him Right Now Crush me just like always. And inside I can feel my bones crack and splinter Until I'm a pile of twigs and dust And I change the channel on the television instead Of splinting them back together. Because I sort of want to stay crushed. Because you are still The only person I want to be that close to, The only person I want to have All of me. My skin belongs to you And to this day whenever anyone else touches me Part of me secretly wants to push them away. And I know I will have to live with that Through your love affairs Your marriages Your children Your divorces Your choices Your life. I will have to live somehow With that beating right next to my heart Knocking it out of time, hitting it like a punching bag. Tomorrow I will notch my chin higher. Tomorrow I will smile. Tomorrow I will be strong. But tonight? Tonight I don't want to pretend I'm okay with it. And no matter how high I turn the volume on the tv, No matter what I read or listen to or draw or write, I know that I will not be able to drive from my mind The skewering thought That maybe tonight You are in bed With him.
mikaila
Written by
mikaila
Nov 29, 2013
Nov 29, 2013 at 12:04 AM UTC
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