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R3NNZZPoems
You shove me aside like I’m static, like trash on the curb, You walk away slow, look at me like I’m something disturbed. When I reach for your space, for the air that you guard, You shrink me to nothing, make my breathing feel hard. You make me feel small, like I never had worth, Like the blood and the sweat and the tears on this earth Were a dream I imagined, a lie I rehearsed, Something I chased, but you buried it first. And I look at your face, see the dark underneath, See the rot in the quiet, the lies in your teeth. See the damage you carry, you never confess, Still I memorized versions of you at your best. I learned all your storms, every mood, every sign, Learned when to stay quiet, learned when to decline My own needs, my own voice, my own right to exist, Just to keep you from leaving, just to keep what we had fixed. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, I still hold you in pieces I carry each day. No matter who you choose, who replaces my place, Even the ones who knew you in your years gone astray. I would still make sure you’re smiling, I swear it’s true, Even if smiling means living without me and you. Even if loving you costs me my name, Even if I’m the sacrifice nobody claims. I’d walk myself out, watch your joy from afar, Stand quiet in shadows so you never see scars. I’d learn how to vanish, how to take up less space, Just to keep you from feeling an ounce of my pain. No matter how hard you shove me away, No matter how long your words choose to stay. They stick to my bones, they rattle, they bruise, They echo at night when I’ve nothing to lose. Still I show up gentle. Still I don’t choose To let you freeze when the nights turn old. I’d pull blankets to your chin when your hands shake cold, I’d be there in silence, I’d be there unseen, I’d stay even knowing I never would win. Because love taught me patience that bordered on grief, Taught me how to bleed quiet, how to beg underneath Every apology I never received, Every promise I swallowed so you could breathe. No matter the nights when I cry till I ache, If the call came at midnight and said you were gone, I would break. I would still fall apart. I would still lose my breath. If your name turned to silence, if you slipped into past tense, I would wish I could rewind to you hating my face, To you walking away, to abandonment’s taste. I’d wish for the days when you didn’t pretend, When you never stayed long enough to defend The version of you that I wanted to save, The lie that I loved, not the truth that you gave. Because even when you hurt me, even when you never cared, That softness I needed was never quite there. Still I’d cry through the anger, the fire, the spite, If the world kept on spinning without you in sight. The tears would still burn, carve the truth in my skin, Because I miss the future I pictured us in. The dream where you laughed, where you stayed just for me, Where you smiled instead of teaching me grief. That’s the ghost that I mourn, and I hate it, it’s true. Because I wouldn’t cry for the damage you do. I would cry for the person who made life feel light, But that wasn’t you. Not once. Not that night. Still, if one day a voice said you’re not here anymore, I’d still slam my door, still collapse on the floor. And I don’t know the reason, I don’t know the why, Why love outlives harm, why the wound won’t run dry. No matter how many tears fall and stay, No matter how much of me wastes away, I cling to the part that was never real, The softness I held though it cut me to feel. If you died, I would still cry.
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Feb 6
Feb 6, 2026 at 4:12 PM UTC
I Would Still Cry If You Died
You shove me aside like I’m static, like trash on the curb, You walk away slow, look at me like I’m something disturbed. When I reach for your space, for the air that you guard, You shrink me to nothing, make my breathing feel hard. You make me feel small, like I never had worth, Like the blood and the sweat and the tears on this earth Were a dream I imagined, a lie I rehearsed, Something I chased, but you buried it first. And I look at your face, see the dark underneath, See the rot in the quiet, the lies in your teeth. See the damage you carry, you never confess, Still I memorized versions of you at your best. I learned all your storms, every mood, every sign, Learned when to stay quiet, learned when to decline My own needs, my own voice, my own right to exist, Just to keep you from leaving, just to keep what we had fixed. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, I still hold you in pieces I carry each day. No matter who you choose, who replaces my place, Even the ones who knew you in your years gone astray. I would still make sure you’re smiling, I swear it’s true, Even if smiling means living without me and you. Even if loving you costs me my name, Even if I’m the sacrifice nobody claims. I’d walk myself out, watch your joy from afar, Stand quiet in shadows so you never see scars. I’d learn how to vanish, how to take up less space, Just to keep you from feeling an ounce of my pain. No matter how hard you shove me away, No matter how long your words choose to stay. They stick to my bones, they rattle, they bruise, They echo at night when I’ve nothing to lose. Still I show up gentle. Still I don’t choose To let you freeze when the nights turn old. I’d pull blankets to your chin when your hands shake cold, I’d be there in silence, I’d be there unseen, I’d stay even knowing I never would win. Because love taught me patience that bordered on grief, Taught me how to bleed quiet, how to beg underneath Every apology I never received, Every promise I swallowed so you could breathe. No matter the nights when I cry till I ache, If the call came at midnight and said you were gone, I would break. I would still fall apart. I would still lose my breath. If your name turned to silence, if you slipped into past tense, I would wish I could rewind to you hating my face, To you walking away, to abandonment’s taste. I’d wish for the days when you didn’t pretend, When you never stayed long enough to defend The version of you that I wanted to save, The lie that I loved, not the truth that you gave. Because even when you hurt me, even when you never cared, That softness I needed was never quite there. Still I’d cry through the anger, the fire, the spite, If the world kept on spinning without you in sight. The tears would still burn, carve the truth in my skin, Because I miss the future I pictured us in. The dream where you laughed, where you stayed just for me, Where you smiled instead of teaching me grief. That’s the ghost that I mourn, and I hate it, it’s true. Because I wouldn’t cry for the damage you do. I would cry for the person who made life feel light, But that wasn’t you. Not once. Not that night. Still, if one day a voice said you’re not here anymore, I’d still slam my door, still collapse on the floor. And I don’t know the reason, I don’t know the why, Why love outlives harm, why the wound won’t run dry. No matter how many tears fall and stay, No matter how much of me wastes away, I cling to the part that was never real, The softness I held though it cut me to feel. If you died, I would still cry.
this is about my dad(not romanized love)
R3NNZZ
Written by
R3NNZZ
13/F/New York
Feb 6
Feb 6, 2026 at 4:12 PM UTC
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