Hey Dad
you’ve been gone for almost forever now,
and of course I miss you.
I miss you in the quiet moments,
in the moments I don’t even realize
I’m reaching for you.
Sometimes I wonder
if you were still here,
would I have ever healed?
Would I have ever escaped?
Or would I still be shrinking myself
to survive rooms that never loved me?
You knew, didn’t you?
You had to.
You played it cool,
laughed with everyone else,
wore strength like it was effortless.
But you were my dad
how did you not see
your little Jay bug hurting?
Maybe you did.
Maybe that’s why you left
the way you did.
I think your passing came
with a purpose.
Not because I wanted it
God knows I didn’t
but because it opened my eyes.
It showed me people
for who they really were.
It gave me permission to leave.
To run.
To finally be free.
Your death carried
so much pain,
so much regret,
so many unanswered questions.
And still
somehow
it carried peace too.
Self love.
A beginning.
It feels wrong to say
that something good came from losing you.
I wasn’t happy you died.
I was shattered.
I still am some days.
But I learned to look for the rainbow
instead of drowning in the storm.
Because after you,
came people sent by God.
Came healing.
Came safety.
Came me
the version of me
who survived.
Losing you never gets easier.
Time doesn’t soften it,
it just teaches me how to carry it.
But even on the days I ache for you,
I feel the warmth you left behind.
So yes
there was sunshine after.
And maybe, Dad,
that sunshine
was the way you saved me.
Feb 2
Feb 2, 2026 at 12:40 PM UTC
Hey Dad
you’ve been gone for almost forever now,
and of course I miss you.
I miss you in the quiet moments,
in the moments I don’t even realize
I’m reaching for you.
Sometimes I wonder
if you were still here,
would I have ever healed?
Would I have ever escaped?
Or would I still be shrinking myself
to survive rooms that never loved me?
You knew, didn’t you?
You had to.
You played it cool,
laughed with everyone else,
wore strength like it was effortless.
But you were my dad
how did you not see
your little Jay bug hurting?
Maybe you did.
Maybe that’s why you left
the way you did.
I think your passing came
with a purpose.
Not because I wanted it
God knows I didn’t
but because it opened my eyes.
It showed me people
for who they really were.
It gave me permission to leave.
To run.
To finally be free.
Your death carried
so much pain,
so much regret,
so many unanswered questions.
And still
somehow
it carried peace too.
Self love.
A beginning.
It feels wrong to say
that something good came from losing you.
I wasn’t happy you died.
I was shattered.
I still am some days.
But I learned to look for the rainbow
instead of drowning in the storm.
Because after you,
came people sent by God.
Came healing.
Came safety.
Came me
the version of me
who survived.
Losing you never gets easier.
Time doesn’t soften it,
it just teaches me how to carry it.
But even on the days I ache for you,
I feel the warmth you left behind.
So yes
there was sunshine after.
And maybe, Dad,
that sunshine
was the way you saved me.