There is an independence I have not yet achieved.
A yearning for that edge, the tip of the iceberg of humanness that I am unable to grasp.
That I don’t know how to grasp.
There’s a song by Brittany Spears, that adequately describes the experience,
“I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine
While I’m in between.”
I’ve never resonated with Brittany more.
Will I ever get to this moment?
And how do I get there?
I’m not a girl,
But still,
not yet a woman.
No one tells you about the pressures that come from inheriting a generation of strong women.
Not women that carry a legacy of wealth or privilege according to the values of the world,
but women who grappled, fought, worked and pushed until they escaped the mould they’d been cast into, for better.
Working from their weakest points to give their children something more, food on the table, shoes for school, books to carry, an education that they didn’t know.
This is my women.
Yet, I’m in between.
How can I measure up to achieve a portion of such lineage?
In comparison, I have come up empty, yearning to stretch out my hands to touch the sun, but too afraid to fly.
Yes, I am afraid.
Afraid and unaware of how to become this woman.
Unaware of how to achieve this independence.
God, help me, I pray, that I should be brave enough to be afraid.
brave enough to be uncomfortable, that I may honour the sacrifices that were made for me.
“I’m just trying to find the woman in me.”
Jan 6
Jan 6, 2026 at 10:27 AM UTC
There is an independence I have not yet achieved.
A yearning for that edge, the tip of the iceberg of humanness that I am unable to grasp.
That I don’t know how to grasp.
There’s a song by Brittany Spears, that adequately describes the experience,
“I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine
While I’m in between.”
I’ve never resonated with Brittany more.
Will I ever get to this moment?
And how do I get there?
I’m not a girl,
But still,
not yet a woman.
No one tells you about the pressures that come from inheriting a generation of strong women.
Not women that carry a legacy of wealth or privilege according to the values of the world,
but women who grappled, fought, worked and pushed until they escaped the mould they’d been cast into, for better.
Working from their weakest points to give their children something more, food on the table, shoes for school, books to carry, an education that they didn’t know.
This is my women.
Yet, I’m in between.
How can I measure up to achieve a portion of such lineage?
In comparison, I have come up empty, yearning to stretch out my hands to touch the sun, but too afraid to fly.
Yes, I am afraid.
Afraid and unaware of how to become this woman.
Unaware of how to achieve this independence.
God, help me, I pray, that I should be brave enough to be afraid.
brave enough to be uncomfortable, that I may honour the sacrifices that were made for me.
“I’m just trying to find the woman in me.”
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