As I've grown, a certain allergy has begun to plague me
In the wintertime, a worm finds a way inside my body
She crawls around in the warmth
and finds shelter from the cold
I mark her arrival as the onset of the Christmas season
Not by wreaths nailed to doors
Not by the radio coughing up bells
But by hearing her squirm around behind my eyes
And under my face
-
When I was a child, these images carried something different
The blinking Christmas lights that cut the dusk to ribbons
The electric smell of sap in my living room
It brought many gifts into my honeyed hands
Keep, hold, possess
Precious time spent at home
Precious time past
Now it means sickness
It means the loss of sleep
The coughing
But most of all
-
When I was a child
I would sneak out of bed
And I would hold a gift to my ear
Like a seashell, to hear the ocean
And I would gently shake it
To hear what lay inside
As of the current season
I rose from bed
to collect a glass of water
to ease my weary throat
On Christmas Eve
-
I pine for the intimacy
The anticipation
-
I hate Christmas music
That much has not changed
The sweetness
The bells, slick with honey
The intangibility of it all
The ability to remain the same
I envy it
-
Christmas dinner carries a different scent
Something sickly sweet
Due to my seasonal affection
My nose thick with oblivion all winter
But then I smell it all
Drifting from empty chairs
Drifting from how my family carves their words around them
Like the empty space in your mouth that a tooth was lost from
That I trace over with my tongue
That I am told not to
It bends my teeth around it
-
I remember a Christmas where sickness plagued me for the first time
I remember the words spilled over my shriveled form
You poor thing
Get some rest
You'll get better
And I believed it
Not because it made sense
But because belief was automatic then
-
Apathy does not arrive violently
She takes an empty seat
She shares dinner
She carries a sweet smell
She makes pleasantries
She squirms behind the eyes
And she teaches the heart to ration
Dec 24, 2025
Dec 24, 2025 at 10:13 PM UTC
As I've grown, a certain allergy has begun to plague me
In the wintertime, a worm finds a way inside my body
She crawls around in the warmth
and finds shelter from the cold
I mark her arrival as the onset of the Christmas season
Not by wreaths nailed to doors
Not by the radio coughing up bells
But by hearing her squirm around behind my eyes
And under my face
-
When I was a child, these images carried something different
The blinking Christmas lights that cut the dusk to ribbons
The electric smell of sap in my living room
It brought many gifts into my honeyed hands
Keep, hold, possess
Precious time spent at home
Precious time past
Now it means sickness
It means the loss of sleep
The coughing
But most of all
-
When I was a child
I would sneak out of bed
And I would hold a gift to my ear
Like a seashell, to hear the ocean
And I would gently shake it
To hear what lay inside
As of the current season
I rose from bed
to collect a glass of water
to ease my weary throat
On Christmas Eve
-
I pine for the intimacy
The anticipation
-
I hate Christmas music
That much has not changed
The sweetness
The bells, slick with honey
The intangibility of it all
The ability to remain the same
I envy it
-
Christmas dinner carries a different scent
Something sickly sweet
Due to my seasonal affection
My nose thick with oblivion all winter
But then I smell it all
Drifting from empty chairs
Drifting from how my family carves their words around them
Like the empty space in your mouth that a tooth was lost from
That I trace over with my tongue
That I am told not to
It bends my teeth around it
-
I remember a Christmas where sickness plagued me for the first time
I remember the words spilled over my shriveled form
You poor thing
Get some rest
You'll get better
And I believed it
Not because it made sense
But because belief was automatic then
-
Apathy does not arrive violently
She takes an empty seat
She shares dinner
She carries a sweet smell
She makes pleasantries
She squirms behind the eyes
And she teaches the heart to ration
Happy Holidays!
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