“If and if and if.”
I’m returning your white flag. I think you misunderstood. Maybe you grew too accustomed to the version of me who shrank to fit, maybe you never really saw the whole of me and honestly, that’s on me.
What you missed is the fortress that stood before you. With the blinders it seems you still wear, you could not see it, even as you laid your white flag at the gate. Construction began well before you entered this story and never stopped, just narrowly out of sight. You were too enveloped in your own narrative, your own plot, to take in the surroundings. I understand, I understood. I know you now know better.
Mine is not the most majestic fortress, but it is mine and its foundation is resolute. I am resolute. I built this fortress over time, decades, through lessons, healing, resiliency. Its defenses are not as lethal as they once were; I’ve learned it is often more productive to defend through alliances, kindness, intention, love. Lessons I tried to share, even when I faltered in my grace. It proudly wears the scars of prior battles - some won, some lost. Each battle a lesson of its own accord, an opportunity for growth once shrouded in pain and fear.
Something you misunderstood, maybe because you never tried to understand - this is not a place for white flags. This is not a home for surrender - not to me. I don’t accept it. I don’t want your fealty. I told you to aim true. My alliances are not built on white flags; they’re built with banners held high. Courageous, brave intention. Vulnerability in the face of fear. Honesty and compassion in the face of the immeasurable conflicts and loss we’ve all faced.
I told you plainly what I seek: enthusiastic participation, bravery, loyalty, kindness, compassion. The bar truly is not set high, but there is a threshold that must be met. For far too long, I gave grace and accepted less than I should have. It was a disservice to us both. I lost the thread of who I am and what I built. That won’t happen again.
I hope you understand that while you feel may have learned some things about me, there is much left for both of us to learn and appreciate. My lessons are innumerable and rightfully will continue. I accept this with humility.
When you find yourself at my gate again - because I know it is not if but when - you ought to be readily armed with honesty, intention, compassion, kindness, care. Not mired in secrecy, apprehension, or fear.
Come with your banner raised proudly, bravely, and enthusiastically - or don’t come at all.
I accept and deserve nothing less.
Dec 8, 2025
Dec 8, 2025 at 11:50 PM UTC
“If and if and if.”
I’m returning your white flag. I think you misunderstood. Maybe you grew too accustomed to the version of me who shrank to fit, maybe you never really saw the whole of me and honestly, that’s on me.
What you missed is the fortress that stood before you. With the blinders it seems you still wear, you could not see it, even as you laid your white flag at the gate. Construction began well before you entered this story and never stopped, just narrowly out of sight. You were too enveloped in your own narrative, your own plot, to take in the surroundings. I understand, I understood. I know you now know better.
Mine is not the most majestic fortress, but it is mine and its foundation is resolute. I am resolute. I built this fortress over time, decades, through lessons, healing, resiliency. Its defenses are not as lethal as they once were; I’ve learned it is often more productive to defend through alliances, kindness, intention, love. Lessons I tried to share, even when I faltered in my grace. It proudly wears the scars of prior battles - some won, some lost. Each battle a lesson of its own accord, an opportunity for growth once shrouded in pain and fear.
Something you misunderstood, maybe because you never tried to understand - this is not a place for white flags. This is not a home for surrender - not to me. I don’t accept it. I don’t want your fealty. I told you to aim true. My alliances are not built on white flags; they’re built with banners held high. Courageous, brave intention. Vulnerability in the face of fear. Honesty and compassion in the face of the immeasurable conflicts and loss we’ve all faced.
I told you plainly what I seek: enthusiastic participation, bravery, loyalty, kindness, compassion. The bar truly is not set high, but there is a threshold that must be met. For far too long, I gave grace and accepted less than I should have. It was a disservice to us both. I lost the thread of who I am and what I built. That won’t happen again.
I hope you understand that while you feel may have learned some things about me, there is much left for both of us to learn and appreciate. My lessons are innumerable and rightfully will continue. I accept this with humility.
When you find yourself at my gate again - because I know it is not if but when - you ought to be readily armed with honesty, intention, compassion, kindness, care. Not mired in secrecy, apprehension, or fear.
Come with your banner raised proudly, bravely, and enthusiastically - or don’t come at all.
I accept and deserve nothing less.