I don't know what to call you—
this arresting of breath, this sudden
stillness in the scroll of days.
Sun-kissed and smiling, you exist
in a warmth I cannot enter,
freckled constellations mapping
a face I'll never touch.
Your eyes shift between grey and blue
like weather I can only watch approach,
never feel against my skin.
That copper hair catches light
the way hope catches in the throat—
beautiful and burning,
just beyond my reach.
In darker hours, I return to this—
the curve of your smile, the tilt
of your head, the way you seem to offer
something I don't have a name for.
Not quite comfort. Not quite promise.
Just the knowledge that somewhere,
beauty like this exists.
But God, I want more than seeing.
I want the sound of you—
laughter rising warm and unguarded,
your voice shaping words I'd memorize
like prayers. I want the weight
of your presence, not this shimmer
of almost-knowing.
Instead, I have this: freckles and sunlight,
eyes that won't meet mine,
a smile offered to someone else's lens.
A picture in my mind that grows
more vivid the longer I look,
more distant the closer I lean,
more necessary the more it aches.
Nov 8, 2025
Nov 8, 2025 at 12:35 PM UTC
I don't know what to call you—
this arresting of breath, this sudden
stillness in the scroll of days.
Sun-kissed and smiling, you exist
in a warmth I cannot enter,
freckled constellations mapping
a face I'll never touch.
Your eyes shift between grey and blue
like weather I can only watch approach,
never feel against my skin.
That copper hair catches light
the way hope catches in the throat—
beautiful and burning,
just beyond my reach.
In darker hours, I return to this—
the curve of your smile, the tilt
of your head, the way you seem to offer
something I don't have a name for.
Not quite comfort. Not quite promise.
Just the knowledge that somewhere,
beauty like this exists.
But God, I want more than seeing.
I want the sound of you—
laughter rising warm and unguarded,
your voice shaping words I'd memorize
like prayers. I want the weight
of your presence, not this shimmer
of almost-knowing.
Instead, I have this: freckles and sunlight,
eyes that won't meet mine,
a smile offered to someone else's lens.
A picture in my mind that grows
more vivid the longer I look,
more distant the closer I lean,
more necessary the more it aches.