Today,
I remembered something
I hadn’t thought of in fifteen years.
I can picture myself,
lying in bed,
staring out the window
hours past bedtime
a kid, frightened,
willing to make a deal with the devil.
Exchanging the liberty I grew up in
for a mirage of security,
for stories I told myself.
Trading attention, once abundant,
for crushing invisibility
like a child in a play
with no parents in the crowd.
Bartering for eternal solitude
when connection was all I ever craved.
I remember
giving away everything I was meant to be
for a life that made no difference.
And it’s almost cruel,
waking up now
knowing I chose this path myself.
It would be easier
to be the victim.
A thought hidden
in a buried drawer,
unearthed
after fifteen years of digging.
I think I’m alive again.
Jul 3, 2025
Jul 3, 2025 at 7:42 PM UTC
Today,
I remembered something
I hadn’t thought of in fifteen years.
I can picture myself,
lying in bed,
staring out the window
hours past bedtime
a kid, frightened,
willing to make a deal with the devil.
Exchanging the liberty I grew up in
for a mirage of security,
for stories I told myself.
Trading attention, once abundant,
for crushing invisibility
like a child in a play
with no parents in the crowd.
Bartering for eternal solitude
when connection was all I ever craved.
I remember
giving away everything I was meant to be
for a life that made no difference.
And it’s almost cruel,
waking up now
knowing I chose this path myself.
It would be easier
to be the victim.
A thought hidden
in a buried drawer,
unearthed
after fifteen years of digging.
I think I’m alive again.
Can I please go to bed now