if only I was dead in some other place,
not here, not now, not stuck in this space.
somewhere my name never meant a thing,
where no one asks what I'm feeling within.
if only I stopped bending backwards,
tied my worth to something that mattered.
but I bled for hands that let me fall,
I screamed in rooms with no one at all.
I love too hard, it's always a crime,
give them forever, they give me time.
I carve myself into pieces so small,
hoping someone might want them all.
why can't I be good at anything real?
I fake a smile, I fake how I feel.
I try and I try till I tear apart,
still no one sees the bones of my heart.
maybe out there, I'm a real boy
not this hollowed-out, disposable toy.
maybe I laugh, maybe I breathe,
maybe I don’t want to ******* leave.
but here I rot in plain sight,
the sun don’t warm, the stars ain't right.
I hate people, hate their lies,
the way they look with empty eyes.
I want to perish, just dissolve,
no mysteries left to solve.
no more trying, no more "fine,"
no more pretending this hurt ain’t mine.
I don’t feel joy, don’t feel the pain,
just static thoughts inside my brain.
why am I always the one who tries?
why do I fall for every disguise?
why do I chase what runs away?
why do I beg for them to stay?
why do I whisper in rooms gone cold,
hoping love will take hold?
no one ever stays.
no one ever sees.
I give until there's nothing left of me.
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 12:08 PM UTC
if only I was dead in some other place,
not here, not now, not stuck in this space.
somewhere my name never meant a thing,
where no one asks what I'm feeling within.
if only I stopped bending backwards,
tied my worth to something that mattered.
but I bled for hands that let me fall,
I screamed in rooms with no one at all.
I love too hard, it's always a crime,
give them forever, they give me time.
I carve myself into pieces so small,
hoping someone might want them all.
why can't I be good at anything real?
I fake a smile, I fake how I feel.
I try and I try till I tear apart,
still no one sees the bones of my heart.
maybe out there, I'm a real boy
not this hollowed-out, disposable toy.
maybe I laugh, maybe I breathe,
maybe I don’t want to ******* leave.
but here I rot in plain sight,
the sun don’t warm, the stars ain't right.
I hate people, hate their lies,
the way they look with empty eyes.
I want to perish, just dissolve,
no mysteries left to solve.
no more trying, no more "fine,"
no more pretending this hurt ain’t mine.
I don’t feel joy, don’t feel the pain,
just static thoughts inside my brain.
why am I always the one who tries?
why do I fall for every disguise?
why do I chase what runs away?
why do I beg for them to stay?
why do I whisper in rooms gone cold,
hoping love will take hold?
no one ever stays.
no one ever sees.
I give until there's nothing left of me.
maybe in another universe, we'll be together.
