what did you think would be enough?

batsoup Poems

what did you think would satisfy you, and did it even come close? i wake up hungry for something i can’t name. it’s not food. it’s not love. but i look for both anyway. i open my phone like a prayer. i scroll until the wanting quiets. it never does. i eat when i’m full. i speak when i’m tired. i buy things i forget right after opening. i keep thinking the next thing will be the thing. the final thing. the thing that sticks. but nothing holds. nothing stays. it all goes soft and slips through me. people tell me i’m lucky. but luck doesn’t fill whatever this is. i want more hours, but sleep makes me sick. i want quiet, but silence scratches at me. i touch someone and already want to be somewhere else. i love them, but my chest still feels too empty or too full. i ask myself why i’m like this and the question echoes back as laughter. i think maybe i want peace. or maybe just a reason. i keep trying to press pause on a life that won’t stop spinning. but i can’t stop reaching. can’t stop needing even when i have everything. is it always going to be like this? or will i wake up one day and finally feel like i’ve had enough?