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alapina_Poems
i tend to blame my mother for everything that is wrong with me. the insanity and insecurity and addiction to temporarily filling a void meant for her love. My heart beats to the rhythm of her footsteps, counting how many strides i have left to wipe away my tears before she reaches my door. there is no margin for error in her unspoken expectations. i used to blame anything but myself for my actions. i was a compulsive liar for 4 years, a narcotic addict for 5. i layered lies like pills scattered throughout my room, each finding their way into my mouth at the wrong time. i am the only thing that is wrong with myself. i'm haunted by reflections in the mirror, echoes of the girl i couldn't save. i tried to scrub her off my skin, carve around the edges and crawl out of this body. i became too familiar with the salty taste of bleakness, a bittersweet over dose. if only the child-locks on medicine bottles worked even after the child-like innocence was lost. i think i want to be saved a little more than i want to be loved.
0
Oct 15, 2024
Oct 15, 2024 at 2:54 PM UTC
mommy issues
i tend to blame my mother for everything that is wrong with me. the insanity and insecurity and addiction to temporarily filling a void meant for her love. My heart beats to the rhythm of her footsteps, counting how many strides i have left to wipe away my tears before she reaches my door. there is no margin for error in her unspoken expectations. i used to blame anything but myself for my actions. i was a compulsive liar for 4 years, a narcotic addict for 5. i layered lies like pills scattered throughout my room, each finding their way into my mouth at the wrong time. i am the only thing that is wrong with myself. i'm haunted by reflections in the mirror, echoes of the girl i couldn't save. i tried to scrub her off my skin, carve around the edges and crawl out of this body. i became too familiar with the salty taste of bleakness, a bittersweet over dose. if only the child-locks on medicine bottles worked even after the child-like innocence was lost. i think i want to be saved a little more than i want to be loved.
only i am responsible for my actions
#sadness#addiction#mother#pain#hurt
alapina_
Written by
alapina_
21/F
Oct 15, 2024
Oct 15, 2024 at 2:54 PM UTC
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