like a dog who doesn't know human touch i bite because it feels comfortable
i try to pretend i don't know what fear is but when my back is against the wall,
at the end of the night under my covers,
i'm that same cornered animal with nowhere to run.
except back to myself a place i've been known to avoid and neglect.
dogs run away when they know its there time to die and so do i
from everyone and everything that threatens intimacy, any form of closeness, anything that resembles love.
the girl you once met, that version of me, so happy and unafraid, died clenching her fists
angry
at every chance she gave you
to be a better man.
do you know what you took from her while she waited
do you understand how much strength it took to get up off that floor
how's it feel to be a murderer?
i wish i could shed you like a hare sheds its summer coat for winter
and you could just fall off of me into little pieces on the floor
that way i can put my emotions into something physical, as i watch you melt off of me, someway to release all these feelings i will never say that pang painfully in the glass bottle that is my chest
there is an unbearable heaviness that comes with remembering
every detail
that was you.
my brain is like a broken record of every bad thing that's ever happened to me, the melody, a constant reminder to things i wish i could forget.
i wish i had a brain like yours, how it's so fascinated with the next warm body that exchanges air between you, so forgetful of the air all those nights ago that hung between us. ignorance is bliss and it truly would be a blessing to be so easily distracted, to be a man, a man who takes and forgets so easily
the very person who built him, with nothing but love.
too pretend not to remember the betrayal, is to be sane
so i guess that is just another one of those things ill never be
instead i am numb, i suppose that's the side effect from feeling too much for too many years
like a used towel wrung out of emotion,
today, tomorrow and everyday after that
my hands and feet are frostbitten and piled under mountains of snow
my face maintains the same cold and lifeless expression
tears don't fall like they use to anymore, they pool and itch the back of my eyeballs but hardly grace my cheeks
icicles grow in and around my eyelashes, like metal bars caging my tear ducts, as if to protect the oceans from pouring out of them.
i wish for summer to warm me like it once did,
the sun to kiss my face, gently
to feel like me again
but i'm not sure i know who that is anymore.
Jun 20, 2024
Jun 20, 2024 at 12:13 AM UTC
like a dog who doesn't know human touch i bite because it feels comfortable
i try to pretend i don't know what fear is but when my back is against the wall,
at the end of the night under my covers,
i'm that same cornered animal with nowhere to run.
except back to myself a place i've been known to avoid and neglect.
dogs run away when they know its there time to die and so do i
from everyone and everything that threatens intimacy, any form of closeness, anything that resembles love.
the girl you once met, that version of me, so happy and unafraid, died clenching her fists
angry
at every chance she gave you
to be a better man.
do you know what you took from her while she waited
do you understand how much strength it took to get up off that floor
how's it feel to be a murderer?
i wish i could shed you like a hare sheds its summer coat for winter
and you could just fall off of me into little pieces on the floor
that way i can put my emotions into something physical, as i watch you melt off of me, someway to release all these feelings i will never say that pang painfully in the glass bottle that is my chest
there is an unbearable heaviness that comes with remembering
every detail
that was you.
my brain is like a broken record of every bad thing that's ever happened to me, the melody, a constant reminder to things i wish i could forget.
i wish i had a brain like yours, how it's so fascinated with the next warm body that exchanges air between you, so forgetful of the air all those nights ago that hung between us. ignorance is bliss and it truly would be a blessing to be so easily distracted, to be a man, a man who takes and forgets so easily
the very person who built him, with nothing but love.
too pretend not to remember the betrayal, is to be sane
so i guess that is just another one of those things ill never be
instead i am numb, i suppose that's the side effect from feeling too much for too many years
like a used towel wrung out of emotion,
today, tomorrow and everyday after that
my hands and feet are frostbitten and piled under mountains of snow
my face maintains the same cold and lifeless expression
tears don't fall like they use to anymore, they pool and itch the back of my eyeballs but hardly grace my cheeks
icicles grow in and around my eyelashes, like metal bars caging my tear ducts, as if to protect the oceans from pouring out of them.
i wish for summer to warm me like it once did,
the sun to kiss my face, gently
to feel like me again
but i'm not sure i know who that is anymore.
its not love i'm afraid of but of losing myself