i can barely put this feeling
into words.
it is awkward, it is uncannily
difficult to deal with, and i am desperate
to let it out but there is nothing
i can do.
there is a war in my mind,
and both sides
are losing.
it is not silent, it is
a low buzz, a muted
whisper, not really there
but still so real.
it makes its way into every
thought, every action, an invader
and intruder, an insatiable,
feral desire that you never
really know
i am trying to go both
ways at once, leave and enter,
exist yet be nothing at all
right and wrong are
never too far apart, and
i am getting tired of choosing.
Aug 9, 2022
Aug 9, 2022 at 12:24 PM UTC
i can barely put this feeling
into words.
it is awkward, it is uncannily
difficult to deal with, and i am desperate
to let it out but there is nothing
i can do.
there is a war in my mind,
and both sides
are losing.
it is not silent, it is
a low buzz, a muted
whisper, not really there
but still so real.
it makes its way into every
thought, every action, an invader
and intruder, an insatiable,
feral desire that you never
really know
i am trying to go both
ways at once, leave and enter,
exist yet be nothing at all
right and wrong are
never too far apart, and
i am getting tired of choosing.
the desperation for human connection is ironically so hampered by not being able to trust yourself and trust anyone else - it almost hurts.
how can they tell me to believe when I've done that all my life and every single time it's ended up the same way?
I will not willingly place myself in a position of disappointment. And yet...