it turns out i really am better off without you
i no longer wonder;
no wheres or hows,
no whoms or who’s
i set no alarms, i expect naught
everything is when it has to be
and i receive without offerings
i am filled with the abundance of me;
when i stopped loving
my heart stopped aching, you see
it also turns out i don’t miss you
i don’t grip on the past, i never have
i certainly don’t miss who i was while i was with you
it turns out i have always been better off without you
because when i am not with you
i am with me
and that is the place where i should be
i was once convinced that i would die of heartbreak
too bruised to touch, too scarred to heal
but dear god, i didn’t
surviving became my only instinct
i now know i could never go back to you
or anyone who remotely resembles you.
i will no longer eat crumbs
and dare to call myself full
in the end
i turned to forgiveness;
you’ve been forgiven
in the end
i turned to healing;
you have no debts
but in the end
the end.
Oct 29, 2020
Oct 29, 2020 at 8:16 PM UTC
it turns out i really am better off without you
i no longer wonder;
no wheres or hows,
no whoms or who’s
i set no alarms, i expect naught
everything is when it has to be
and i receive without offerings
i am filled with the abundance of me;
when i stopped loving
my heart stopped aching, you see
it also turns out i don’t miss you
i don’t grip on the past, i never have
i certainly don’t miss who i was while i was with you
it turns out i have always been better off without you
because when i am not with you
i am with me
and that is the place where i should be
i was once convinced that i would die of heartbreak
too bruised to touch, too scarred to heal
but dear god, i didn’t
surviving became my only instinct
i now know i could never go back to you
or anyone who remotely resembles you.
i will no longer eat crumbs
and dare to call myself full
in the end
i turned to forgiveness;
you’ve been forgiven
in the end
i turned to healing;
you have no debts
but in the end
the end.
i first wrote this poem in October last year. a full year later it feels reassuring to know that i was already on my way to healing. it is a lonely journey but it is so very worth it. thank you x
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