Mother never had a chance with him,
a dry alcoholic, worse than wet.
His mind contrived to twist and convince
and manipulate her into submission
While his unrelenting oppression
resulted in her subsequent depression.
We would see snippets of who she used to be
or who she wanted to be but they were
constantly stomped upon by his pestering.
His ideas became hers,
but never sounded like hers.
In no way am I claiming
she was innocent in all of this.
She lacked the will to
stand up to him... Perhaps conditioned
by their 50 years together, rooted in a time
when women didn't object.
When I think back now
I can only feel sorry for her
even though she was far from a loving
and attentive mother.
She had many demons to fight
and little emotional energy left for children.
Any memory I hold of her,
especially ones of her smiling feel oddly fake.
As a young child I was attuned enough to
recognize her smiles as forced and unconvincing.
And now she is gone
And he sits alone
I do not speak to him very often
Because I have nothing to say.
His influence lingers deep
and I hate that part of me.
He used to call but thankfully no more.
He offers no apology for the way he is,
and I am smart enough to not trust him
with anything concerning the way things were.
I have no desire to encourage more abuse.
I only wish that for my mother’s sake
that he were the one to go first.
Perhaps allowing her a little freedom
from a lifetime of him.
On a recent and rare call he told me
he still speaks to her as if she’s there.
Even in death he will not leave her alone.
Feb 7, 2020
Feb 7, 2020 at 11:55 PM UTC
Mother never had a chance with him,
a dry alcoholic, worse than wet.
His mind contrived to twist and convince
and manipulate her into submission
While his unrelenting oppression
resulted in her subsequent depression.
We would see snippets of who she used to be
or who she wanted to be but they were
constantly stomped upon by his pestering.
His ideas became hers,
but never sounded like hers.
In no way am I claiming
she was innocent in all of this.
She lacked the will to
stand up to him... Perhaps conditioned
by their 50 years together, rooted in a time
when women didn't object.
When I think back now
I can only feel sorry for her
even though she was far from a loving
and attentive mother.
She had many demons to fight
and little emotional energy left for children.
Any memory I hold of her,
especially ones of her smiling feel oddly fake.
As a young child I was attuned enough to
recognize her smiles as forced and unconvincing.
And now she is gone
And he sits alone
I do not speak to him very often
Because I have nothing to say.
His influence lingers deep
and I hate that part of me.
He used to call but thankfully no more.
He offers no apology for the way he is,
and I am smart enough to not trust him
with anything concerning the way things were.
I have no desire to encourage more abuse.
I only wish that for my mother’s sake
that he were the one to go first.
Perhaps allowing her a little freedom
from a lifetime of him.
On a recent and rare call he told me
he still speaks to her as if she’s there.
Even in death he will not leave her alone.
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