I am cigarettes, chocolate & cotton
The things that melt, not what freezes,
I have no patience & I won’t spare your feelings,
My skin is a canvas, it’s never empty
Bruises in water color, blood in ink,
Grace in the day, destruction at night
Selfish, megalomaniac & narcissistic
Not a shred of sympathy but empathy that’s endless
I have spent my entire life trying to get out of my body
Live outside my mind at all times,
repression, displacement, denial : defense
my anger consumes me & i can't see why
I have spent the last decade puking
my sexuality is twisted & it’s always been about power
tug of war, to keep the upper hand & keep them down
In the mirror, I see myself at 2 years old,
singing & kissing my sister on the forehead
& then pushing her into Christmas trees
I am open, gentle, loving, creative & kind.
A picture of fragility & resilience
So blinded in the light of this life
Forgive but never forget
& such grudges kind of weigh me down
I’m just scared they’ll all do it again & I’ll be the Fool
My mother has only slept, ate, drank, spent her way through life
When I’m really strong, I’ll let her off for that but right now,
I just can’t
I have always wondered why I was not like the others
& then I decided I didn’t want to be
they are puddles & I am a lake:
I’d rather swim, & risk drowning
than never see the depths of my being
Apr 5, 2013
Apr 5, 2013 at 4:20 AM UTC
I am cigarettes, chocolate & cotton
The things that melt, not what freezes,
I have no patience & I won’t spare your feelings,
My skin is a canvas, it’s never empty
Bruises in water color, blood in ink,
Grace in the day, destruction at night
Selfish, megalomaniac & narcissistic
Not a shred of sympathy but empathy that’s endless
I have spent my entire life trying to get out of my body
Live outside my mind at all times,
repression, displacement, denial : defense
my anger consumes me & i can't see why
I have spent the last decade puking
my sexuality is twisted & it’s always been about power
tug of war, to keep the upper hand & keep them down
In the mirror, I see myself at 2 years old,
singing & kissing my sister on the forehead
& then pushing her into Christmas trees
I am open, gentle, loving, creative & kind.
A picture of fragility & resilience
So blinded in the light of this life
Forgive but never forget
& such grudges kind of weigh me down
I’m just scared they’ll all do it again & I’ll be the Fool
My mother has only slept, ate, drank, spent her way through life
When I’m really strong, I’ll let her off for that but right now,
I just can’t
I have always wondered why I was not like the others
& then I decided I didn’t want to be
they are puddles & I am a lake:
I’d rather swim, & risk drowning
than never see the depths of my being
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