Staring at the minute hand,
Waiting for her drowsy marauder
A Roland for an Oliver
To wake in melting ice
Armless, legless,
A looming ellipsis
Echoes and slurs his howls; his speech
Doubts a towel's in reach
Hand-trembling certainty the air's too cold
She agrees simultaneously
Piling their shivering,
Knocking their knees together
Mar 12, 2013
Mar 12, 2013 at 2:01 AM UTC
Staring at the minute hand,
Waiting for her drowsy marauder
A Roland for an Oliver
To wake in melting ice
Armless, legless,
A looming ellipsis
Echoes and slurs his howls; his speech
Doubts a towel's in reach
Hand-trembling certainty the air's too cold
She agrees simultaneously
Piling their shivering,
Knocking their knees together
It needs some fine tuning. There should be one or two breaks in this poem but I am not sure where to put them and I am curious if the rhyming comes off cliché. I am considering changing the last line to "Knocking out their knees." I would like a little advice and, as always, criticism is always appreciated!
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