Mother had lectured you
on the state
of your room
as soon as you got in
from school;
you stood there
nodding and clutching
your satchel,
wishing she’d finish
so you could go
to your room
and be away
from her yak.
Friday and the end
of school
for a few days;
you hoped to cycle out
to Benny’s parents’ cottage
in the morning
and maybe get him
in the hay barn
on the farm
or some such place.
Make sure you tidy
that room up,
Mother said.
You said you would
and climbed the stairs
to your bedroom,
which looked out
on the cherry trees
and gooseberry bushes.
Once in your room
you looked around:
your bed had been made
and most items on the floor
had been put away,
except for the record player
and LPs.
The window was open
and fresh air entering
and chilling the room.
You closed the window
and stared out.
The old girl next door
was throwing bread
to the birds on her lawn.
A tabby cat
sat behind
the gooseberry bushes,
waiting.
You turned
and slipping of your shoes,
you lay on your bed.
You had seen Benny
briefly at school;
he was walking
along the corridor
to another lesson,
and he smiled
and you smiled back.
You wanted to grab him
and kiss him,
but a teacher was passing by
and shooed you on.
You turned on your bed
and imagined he was there
lying next to you.
You closed your eyes,
and touched your thigh,
pretending it was him,
not you,
his hand touching you.
You hugged yourself,
placing a hand
along your back,
moving the fingers,
imagining Benny’s hand
doing it.
But you weren’t good
at pretending;
you wanted
the real thing.
You looked forward
to Saturday morning
and what
it might bring.
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 2:59 AM UTC
Mother had lectured you
on the state
of your room
as soon as you got in
from school;
you stood there
nodding and clutching
your satchel,
wishing she’d finish
so you could go
to your room
and be away
from her yak.
Friday and the end
of school
for a few days;
you hoped to cycle out
to Benny’s parents’ cottage
in the morning
and maybe get him
in the hay barn
on the farm
or some such place.
Make sure you tidy
that room up,
Mother said.
You said you would
and climbed the stairs
to your bedroom,
which looked out
on the cherry trees
and gooseberry bushes.
Once in your room
you looked around:
your bed had been made
and most items on the floor
had been put away,
except for the record player
and LPs.
The window was open
and fresh air entering
and chilling the room.
You closed the window
and stared out.
The old girl next door
was throwing bread
to the birds on her lawn.
A tabby cat
sat behind
the gooseberry bushes,
waiting.
You turned
and slipping of your shoes,
you lay on your bed.
You had seen Benny
briefly at school;
he was walking
along the corridor
to another lesson,
and he smiled
and you smiled back.
You wanted to grab him
and kiss him,
but a teacher was passing by
and shooed you on.
You turned on your bed
and imagined he was there
lying next to you.
You closed your eyes,
and touched your thigh,
pretending it was him,
not you,
his hand touching you.
You hugged yourself,
placing a hand
along your back,
moving the fingers,
imagining Benny’s hand
doing it.
But you weren’t good
at pretending;
you wanted
the real thing.
You looked forward
to Saturday morning
and what
it might bring.
Lizbeth one Friday after school 1961
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