Tonight I can't sleep because
I think I can feel my heartbeat in the bottoms of my socks
so I started a list on the back of my prescription because
a paper is just a paper, even one that documents my
unplanned mental tics and the fact that my body doesn't always
do what it's supposed to do to keep me functioning, but I don't really care about that anymore
I don't really care that much because I'm too busy looking after you and I know it's a long shot under terrible conditions and I know you were never looking for anything and that time isn't one of those neatly packaged things
tied together with a ribbon
but in the end, I hope that we don't spoil this
I want to see you happy I just want to see you bloom
and it's funny I'm pretty sure I've never
stayed up this late before for a reason that even remotely mattered but it's different now, it's different because you do
you're over there and you're keeping it going until the timer runs out
and I don't think you know but I'm not just high on caffeine
I'm having nightmares about finding you in your bedroom not breathing
and I really need to do something
I need to be there to make this less surreal, I need my brain
to work in whole pictures and not just doing shots of adrenaline pumping
cortisol into my system always upping my dose right after I leave you
but of course, everything kind of feels like that on this kind of a night
kind of like chewing on glass and pulling my skin off
everything kind of feels like that when I think of losing you.
Sep 29, 2018
Sep 29, 2018 at 2:19 AM UTC
Tonight I can't sleep because
I think I can feel my heartbeat in the bottoms of my socks
so I started a list on the back of my prescription because
a paper is just a paper, even one that documents my
unplanned mental tics and the fact that my body doesn't always
do what it's supposed to do to keep me functioning, but I don't really care about that anymore
I don't really care that much because I'm too busy looking after you and I know it's a long shot under terrible conditions and I know you were never looking for anything and that time isn't one of those neatly packaged things
tied together with a ribbon
but in the end, I hope that we don't spoil this
I want to see you happy I just want to see you bloom
and it's funny I'm pretty sure I've never
stayed up this late before for a reason that even remotely mattered but it's different now, it's different because you do
you're over there and you're keeping it going until the timer runs out
and I don't think you know but I'm not just high on caffeine
I'm having nightmares about finding you in your bedroom not breathing
and I really need to do something
I need to be there to make this less surreal, I need my brain
to work in whole pictures and not just doing shots of adrenaline pumping
cortisol into my system always upping my dose right after I leave you
but of course, everything kind of feels like that on this kind of a night
kind of like chewing on glass and pulling my skin off
everything kind of feels like that when I think of losing you.