I gave my heart away when I was 15.
Innocent and naïve, I gave it away
Not even realizing until now.
Not to 1, but 2 boys.
Brothers, not in blood, but in friendship.
I fell in what can be called love with both.
One, a musician, the notes flowing as amazing as the way he saw the world.
The way I saw him.
The other, a dancer, spinning hypnotically, that it left you up and down at the same time.
Just like my mind.
Both beautiful, strong, incredible and soon enough we were all best friends.
Sharing happy memories all together
But individual secrets among one another.
One, playing me sweet love songs, feeling special, I played my own versions back.
The other, seducing me with twirling and fluidity, an affection I had never experienced, lust filled I followed in his footsteps.
One sweet.
One bitter.
A mix of ultimate perfection.
The best of both worlds.
My little game.
Spending the night on the phone singing John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland" away, promises of forever, with one.
And texting ***** dancing moves to the other at the same time.
I was pulling off what I thought was the greatest scheme of all.
But eventually,
Ice and fire collide.
And everything falls apart.
The musician found a girl who would actually commit to matching his rhythm instead of dealing with an occasional drummer.
The dancer found someone who wouldn't step on his toes and hold him back.
Caring wasn't enough anymore and resentment filled it's place.
The pieces fell apart around me.
Not even able to listen to a song
Or
Dance around my room in my underwear
Both my nice and naughty sides were given away.
I lost my way.
With no part of myself left how am I supposed to find a middle ground?
Between wanting
Romance
Or
Passion?
Attempting to let another man into my life, only to not be able to love him
Attempting to let another man into my bed, only to not be able to create a spark.
Hopeless.
Empty.
Alone.
That's what I am.
When you give something away, you should expect not to get it back.
That much is obvious.
But being too young
Being too stupid
To selfish
To happy
To ******* trusting
And to willing to give myself for both,
I have nothing left.
And when you have nothing left
And when you go from having everything to nothing...
You don't just bounce right back up.
I haven't been up since I was 15.
I haven't felt complete
Full
Perfect.
Since I was 15.
But everyone changes, and my 18 year old broken heart knows that now.
We all lose our ways.
We all want someone to play along with
We all want someone to dance with
And we all want what we can't have.
But I don't believe I'll be alone like this forever.
That would be irrational.
But for now it's my life.
The 2 pieces of my original heart are history now.
Tucked away in an old guitar case, and choreography.
Waiting to be re-discovered.
An old muse lost and hopefully to be found.
Because that's what I am.
Notes on an old scale to faded to read
And
An out dated dance number.
But I guess that's what I get for giving away everything I had so soon.
I gave my heart away when I was 15.
I still haven't got it back.
Dec 9, 2012
Dec 9, 2012 at 7:49 PM UTC
I gave my heart away when I was 15.
Innocent and naïve, I gave it away
Not even realizing until now.
Not to 1, but 2 boys.
Brothers, not in blood, but in friendship.
I fell in what can be called love with both.
One, a musician, the notes flowing as amazing as the way he saw the world.
The way I saw him.
The other, a dancer, spinning hypnotically, that it left you up and down at the same time.
Just like my mind.
Both beautiful, strong, incredible and soon enough we were all best friends.
Sharing happy memories all together
But individual secrets among one another.
One, playing me sweet love songs, feeling special, I played my own versions back.
The other, seducing me with twirling and fluidity, an affection I had never experienced, lust filled I followed in his footsteps.
One sweet.
One bitter.
A mix of ultimate perfection.
The best of both worlds.
My little game.
Spending the night on the phone singing John Mayer's "Your Body is a Wonderland" away, promises of forever, with one.
And texting ***** dancing moves to the other at the same time.
I was pulling off what I thought was the greatest scheme of all.
But eventually,
Ice and fire collide.
And everything falls apart.
The musician found a girl who would actually commit to matching his rhythm instead of dealing with an occasional drummer.
The dancer found someone who wouldn't step on his toes and hold him back.
Caring wasn't enough anymore and resentment filled it's place.
The pieces fell apart around me.
Not even able to listen to a song
Or
Dance around my room in my underwear
Both my nice and naughty sides were given away.
I lost my way.
With no part of myself left how am I supposed to find a middle ground?
Between wanting
Romance
Or
Passion?
Attempting to let another man into my life, only to not be able to love him
Attempting to let another man into my bed, only to not be able to create a spark.
Hopeless.
Empty.
Alone.
That's what I am.
When you give something away, you should expect not to get it back.
That much is obvious.
But being too young
Being too stupid
To selfish
To happy
To ******* trusting
And to willing to give myself for both,
I have nothing left.
And when you have nothing left
And when you go from having everything to nothing...
You don't just bounce right back up.
I haven't been up since I was 15.
I haven't felt complete
Full
Perfect.
Since I was 15.
But everyone changes, and my 18 year old broken heart knows that now.
We all lose our ways.
We all want someone to play along with
We all want someone to dance with
And we all want what we can't have.
But I don't believe I'll be alone like this forever.
That would be irrational.
But for now it's my life.
The 2 pieces of my original heart are history now.
Tucked away in an old guitar case, and choreography.
Waiting to be re-discovered.
An old muse lost and hopefully to be found.
Because that's what I am.
Notes on an old scale to faded to read
And
An out dated dance number.
But I guess that's what I get for giving away everything I had so soon.
I gave my heart away when I was 15.
I still haven't got it back.
