since i was a child
i felt like i didn't fit in
with all the other
children
i didn't understand
the way they worked
i couldn't wrap my mind
around the way
their minds
worked
and i'd hate to sound pretentious
or as if i'm better than them
because i spent my time reading
and lying about the boys
that didn't actually
throw my flip flops in
the water
i'm not sure
why i wanted their attention
or their approval
and i'm not sure
why i even wanted their friendship
since we never
had anything
in common
but this begs another question
that i can't answer either
which upsets me greatly
and constantly has me asking
"what if"
if i hadn't cared
what the others thought
in middle school
would i have
'gone steady'
with the boy everyone
made fun of
even though i thought
he was cute
but that's all right
because i am glad
with where things are
in my life right now
even if i sometimes
spend nights thinking
about all of those what ifs
because my brain somehow
can't shut off
with all of its
white noise
and troubling thoughts
Oct 30, 2012
Oct 30, 2012 at 6:08 PM UTC
since i was a child
i felt like i didn't fit in
with all the other
children
i didn't understand
the way they worked
i couldn't wrap my mind
around the way
their minds
worked
and i'd hate to sound pretentious
or as if i'm better than them
because i spent my time reading
and lying about the boys
that didn't actually
throw my flip flops in
the water
i'm not sure
why i wanted their attention
or their approval
and i'm not sure
why i even wanted their friendship
since we never
had anything
in common
but this begs another question
that i can't answer either
which upsets me greatly
and constantly has me asking
"what if"
if i hadn't cared
what the others thought
in middle school
would i have
'gone steady'
with the boy everyone
made fun of
even though i thought
he was cute
but that's all right
because i am glad
with where things are
in my life right now
even if i sometimes
spend nights thinking
about all of those what ifs
because my brain somehow
can't shut off
with all of its
white noise
and troubling thoughts
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