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It was New Years Eve I messaged you Saying my depression was rearing its ugly head once more And then you messaged me You said you were sad too Your family was telling you to move out again Saying you're a worthless 13-year-old That you're nothing And no help I told you that I wanted to take you away from there And you said that you'd like that And we continued talking about our feelings How we felt How you are wanted Even if you don't believe it You wished you could restart Reset your life, you said Do everything over again I tried consoling you But you kept contradicting me Said that you didn't want to hurt anyone You said you felt empty I said that I feel the same You said you felt nothing I suppose I should have understood then You said you felt nothing I should have realized that included me too You wanted to ask me something I said go ahead You said it would hurt me Hurt Me Huh It should have been obvious I said I didn't care I said if it meant you feeling better You should hurt me You started backing out I kept telling you to ask me I kept pushing you You first asked if my feelings were different towards you I said of course My feelings only grew stronger You told me That that was a problem I didn't understand You told me you felt different I said I'd help you You told me that I wouldn't understand I said I'd try, learn, support you You became unsure Said it was destroying you But it would hurt me You didn't want to hurt me But I kept pushing I said that I had been hurt many times That I'd get over it quickly I was so wrong You said it would take me a really long time Years, even You were so right You asked me to guess I wasn't correct You kept saying it would hurt me That you didn't want to You didn't want to hurt me But I begged you Pleaded Telling you to hurt me, demanding it You said you didn't want to I gave in Saying that I wouldn't push you anymore You said that you didn't know I tried making a joke Because that's what I do And you finally told me the thing You said you just wanted to be friends That you needed to be alone for a while I remember tears I remember shaking hands typing calm words Trying to be as composed as possible Said okay I kept my word Supported this decision I guess you bought my act I told our friends They were all calm Said okay Moved on So did you But I didn't Haven't Can't You were right I am hurting But I am not going to say anything I remember crying Going downstairs to eat Seeing my aunt with her boyfriend Jealousy Putting on a smile Laughing when I was supposed to Watching the New Years kisses Messaging my cousin Facetiming for a bit Messaging my mom Talking to my sister Getting in bed Not sleeping Opting for crying instead Spending the rest of the break losing sleep Crying Crying some more Seeing you on my birthday to see a movie As friends Popcorn, hands meeting As friends Walking you to your front door afterwards Awkwardly hugging Leaving not even pretending to smile Pity from my mom Until she grew tired of it Started telling me to be happier So I keep pretending Even now Although I talked about it a bit with our friends I remember the feeling I get when someone mentions you A sort of longing A tugging in my gut, reaching for something Reaching for you Not getting you Watching you from across the cafeteria Wanting to force you back into my life But never being able to I remember a dream I had I was on a date And you were playing the piano at the back of the restaraunt And you were jealous And I was happy Because finally After all these months you finally show signs of caring But it was just a dream And I just want you even more But I'll never have you And it's my fault
0
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 5:09 AM UTC
A vent of bottled up emotions
It was New Years Eve I messaged you Saying my depression was rearing its ugly head once more And then you messaged me You said you were sad too Your family was telling you to move out again Saying you're a worthless 13-year-old That you're nothing And no help I told you that I wanted to take you away from there And you said that you'd like that And we continued talking about our feelings How we felt How you are wanted Even if you don't believe it You wished you could restart Reset your life, you said Do everything over again I tried consoling you But you kept contradicting me Said that you didn't want to hurt anyone You said you felt empty I said that I feel the same You said you felt nothing I suppose I should have understood then You said you felt nothing I should have realized that included me too You wanted to ask me something I said go ahead You said it would hurt me Hurt Me Huh It should have been obvious I said I didn't care I said if it meant you feeling better You should hurt me You started backing out I kept telling you to ask me I kept pushing you You first asked if my feelings were different towards you I said of course My feelings only grew stronger You told me That that was a problem I didn't understand You told me you felt different I said I'd help you You told me that I wouldn't understand I said I'd try, learn, support you You became unsure Said it was destroying you But it would hurt me You didn't want to hurt me But I kept pushing I said that I had been hurt many times That I'd get over it quickly I was so wrong You said it would take me a really long time Years, even You were so right You asked me to guess I wasn't correct You kept saying it would hurt me That you didn't want to You didn't want to hurt me But I begged you Pleaded Telling you to hurt me, demanding it You said you didn't want to I gave in Saying that I wouldn't push you anymore You said that you didn't know I tried making a joke Because that's what I do And you finally told me the thing You said you just wanted to be friends That you needed to be alone for a while I remember tears I remember shaking hands typing calm words Trying to be as composed as possible Said okay I kept my word Supported this decision I guess you bought my act I told our friends They were all calm Said okay Moved on So did you But I didn't Haven't Can't You were right I am hurting But I am not going to say anything I remember crying Going downstairs to eat Seeing my aunt with her boyfriend Jealousy Putting on a smile Laughing when I was supposed to Watching the New Years kisses Messaging my cousin Facetiming for a bit Messaging my mom Talking to my sister Getting in bed Not sleeping Opting for crying instead Spending the rest of the break losing sleep Crying Crying some more Seeing you on my birthday to see a movie As friends Popcorn, hands meeting As friends Walking you to your front door afterwards Awkwardly hugging Leaving not even pretending to smile Pity from my mom Until she grew tired of it Started telling me to be happier So I keep pretending Even now Although I talked about it a bit with our friends I remember the feeling I get when someone mentions you A sort of longing A tugging in my gut, reaching for something Reaching for you Not getting you Watching you from across the cafeteria Wanting to force you back into my life But never being able to I remember a dream I had I was on a date And you were playing the piano at the back of the restaraunt And you were jealous And I was happy Because finally After all these months you finally show signs of caring But it was just a dream And I just want you even more But I'll never have you And it's my fault
This person broke up with me around 5 months ago. I haven't figured out how to deal with my emotions. Nor how to talk to people about them.
#breakup#heartbreak#story#fault#justfriends#vent
Written by
HiPeople
May 20, 2018
May 20, 2018 at 5:09 AM UTC
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