You remember green, but you don't know if
it was present in the trees, or maybe the color
of her eyes? (it's been so long...)
You remember hoping for
something to drown your fears on, but you don't know if you found it, or if
the time apart just killed your perception of anxiety because
when you stare at the wall and bite your fingernails 24/7,
you begin to habituate, it becomes
routine to feel
like your hands should be holding something they're not and your eyes
shouldn't be so bloodshot from crying.
You remember the words "I love you", but you don't know
if you ever really wanted to hear them
from her lips in the first place,
because she feels
so muted and distant now
that you wonder if it ever mattered
whether she stayed or left; it feels a little
like your heart has been etched into a slab of
***** concrete,
glossed over with a fresh coat of
graffiti and **** yous" , because maybe
she didn't ever belong there to begin with, and you were just trying
to make up for the void left by the changing seasons, or
the fact that your self esteem was running
a little low and you just wanted
a warm body when the nights got cold.
It was never really about her, it was
the thought of what
she could have been
if she'd been the right somebody.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 11:37 PM UTC
You remember green, but you don't know if
it was present in the trees, or maybe the color
of her eyes? (it's been so long...)
You remember hoping for
something to drown your fears on, but you don't know if you found it, or if
the time apart just killed your perception of anxiety because
when you stare at the wall and bite your fingernails 24/7,
you begin to habituate, it becomes
routine to feel
like your hands should be holding something they're not and your eyes
shouldn't be so bloodshot from crying.
You remember the words "I love you", but you don't know
if you ever really wanted to hear them
from her lips in the first place,
because she feels
so muted and distant now
that you wonder if it ever mattered
whether she stayed or left; it feels a little
like your heart has been etched into a slab of
***** concrete,
glossed over with a fresh coat of
graffiti and **** yous" , because maybe
she didn't ever belong there to begin with, and you were just trying
to make up for the void left by the changing seasons, or
the fact that your self esteem was running
a little low and you just wanted
a warm body when the nights got cold.
It was never really about her, it was
the thought of what
she could have been
if she'd been the right somebody.