You are all the good in me.
Perhaps this prompts my distance.
The Fear of falling in love,
Then falling apart,
Insures a comfortable indifference.
While hearts slip further into absistence.
You always kept me away, 
While slowly drawing me in.
I've heard all you have to say,
Now I beg, "Please tell me once again."
Your voice,
Our touch,
Your joy,
Our lust.
If you must know,
Why it is I dance so much,
The future is in question and only few I still trust..

joseph-a-belli

Nicole

Jun 5, 2026

June 2026

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cory-childs

"Maybe prompts my distance" is a bit confusing.  Beyond the artistic liberties taken with sentence structure (which is totally legitimate, meter and structure can be a bitch when you try to wed them with meaning!), the meaning itself is confusing when following the first line.  Your distance is possibly prompted by the fact that she is all that is good in you?  The word all is pretty intense, meaning that you are good-less without her.  Good has many different directions of meaning, but a large portion of them are associated with subjective assessments of worth and morality (which kind of fall under the umbrella of the subjective assessment thing).  Are you evil without her, bad without her?  Furthermore, distancing yourself from the only thing that makes you not awful/unpleasing/morally reprehensible/whatever leaves my mind wandering in a direction that seems to not have anything to do with what the poem ends up being about.  Keep in mind, this is how I read poems.  Some of this may be taste.  How did you approach writing this piece?  Did you make an outline beforehand or sit down and start thinking from the first line you wrote?  I have found that planning the entire piece's content, general aim and structure before I even start writing helps me write in the context of the big picture.  This way, every word and line can contribute to the overall goal of the work in tandem with every other word and line.
The following couplet makes more sense when related to the previous line, though the poem does not communicate a relationship between the ideas.  However, up to this point I feel I have a good idea of the emotional state of the narrator...  Longing to have something but being too worried of losing it to even get close.  Pensive, hesitant... this secret lover has my sympathy.  Though the information so far doesn't lock together as well as it could, I think you've chosen the right points to introduce to establish the mood successfully.
Your use of commas occasionally confuses me.  Why did you put one after "Although your aura"?  If it was for pause, do you feel a line break is not enough to satisfy that?  I often feel awkward leaving a line without a piece of punctuation, but the comma introduces a new sense of flow that doesn't add to the meaning and also makes the line hiccup in an odd way.  The "comfortable indifference" bit is really great in where it takes my understanding...  I get the feeling that the narrator is only making assumptions and conjecture from afar.  Also, the addition of "comfortable indifference" really puts the beginning into a new light via its contrast.  We see how much he doesn't want to be where he is.  Finding out that the admired doesn't give a shit about the admirer would, at this point, be a relief.  However, if distance was kept with the narrator communicating his feelings to (can I call her Nicole?  I'll call her Nicole.) Nicole, then this shows that he is sure the other person doesn't care, though he can't actually be sure...  He is full of doubt and perhaps a touch of self-loathing?  But now I am extra confused!  How in the hell did Nicole become all that is good in him if he thinks she wants nothing to do with him?  He fears "falling in love" and I'm not sure if once can fall in love with someone they've already fallen in love with once.
Hearts is pluralized and there are only two characters being spoken about, so I can only assume you are speaking about his and Nicole's hearts that are refusing to indulge in love or sex or whatever.  I think abstinence was a good word here; it quickly compares to our societies pressure on kids to keep from having sex at an early age, as well as religious figures having to abstain from sex (though the latter is not relevant at all so I forgot about it).  You have hooked a new idea to the main point in a clever way.  However, since he is sitting there assuming things about Nicole in the first place, I can only assume he thinks her heart is refraining from giving into itself?  He either thinks that what she truly wants is to fall into desire with him but isn't (which is totally incongruous with the rest of story so far, that is the thought of a person who is confidant in who they are and their love-ability which ain't this dude) or that she is the kind of person who is abstaining across the board.  Hehe, is he trying to say that's the only reason she'd be indifferent is because she won't love anybody?  Yes yes, it isn't him, it is her that is to blame!
He says she is keeping him away while slowly drawing him in, but if she's as out of the loop as I feel I've gathered then this seems like he's imbuing her with qualities that may or may not be true... and also blaming her again.  Actually, he is not only blaming her for keeping him away but also for alluring him!
Now it seems they talk regularly.  At least he isn't a stalker, eh?  Not only do they talk, but he begs her to say everything she has to say over again.  Does this mean that he doesn't care what she's talking about and only wants to hear her voice or that even after she's talked about everything he would listen to it all again (just to hear her voice)?  Sorta charming, it sort of shows his obsession with her.  I wonder how she reacted to the pleading to repeat herself.
The following list could just be the narrator naming some especially alluring qualities, but when I relate it to the previous line it almost seems like her joy and lust would be something he wants to hear again.  I have to assume the former.  What did you want to achieve with this list?
Apparently she realllly wants to know why he dances so much.  My first thought was of someone dancing away from or around a topic.  I'm having a hard time thinking of another relevant and sensible definition.  Does this mean she can tell he is avoiding talking about his feelings and wants him to open up?  This seems a little out of character with the relationship that I thought had been established between the two...  We go from distance to talking to eager questioning.  If this was an intentional change in the relationship over time, that would be incredibly sweet, but I honestly feel like I'm turning it into something it wasn't intended to be.
The last couplet is also vague in some ways.  Is he questioning whether he should go on living, his current "life path", or something else?  I can see him questioning himself not opening up (especially after she has done all this prodding [maybe later they can switch and she can open up so he can do some proddin'! {i am so sorry about the inappropriate outburst but so hilarious}]).  Whatever it is, it is half the reason he dances as much as he does.  I feel like you could have explained this a little better.  The last line makes me think that he has been screwed in the past (haha the jokes keep coming) and that it is experience that keeps him from moving forward with his feelings.

I tried to give my play-by-play analysis here.  I'm very interested to see if I strayed too far or missed some point entirely.
The topic, line structure, meter and rhyme schemes all kind of jump around.  The form of the whole piece isn't very with-itself.
In the end, I feel I understand that the poor narrator wants to love but doesn't want to get fucked (ahaha) over, but I am left really confused about the particulars.  What was your goal with this piece?  What motivated you to write it?
Thanks for putting up with this rambling critique.  I hope I didn't offend.