there were times
when I filled my lonely cracks
with whatever sort of fit
though I knew
it wasn't really capable of
meeting me on all my levels -
intensity, emotion, intellect,
oddity, creativity, curiosity,
carnal abandon
I've found matches
but those compounds
burn out quickly
sparklestarts
fading
it's terrible how lonely I am
yet, resist being appeased
with (con)temporaries
it always ends up making me
more lonely
after crave subsides
and short-lived chems exit
the self-loathings start chanting
*we ******* told you so*
when my heart says nope
which it almost always does,
at some percentage,
my body knows -
I'm there, but not fully
in it:
walled distrustful protection mode
no wide open uninhibited throes
it's aspects of yes, meshed with no
it's why
a majority of my encounters
have involved substances
my addiction is afflicted
with knowing
it won't be
the thing I crave
so I numbed
my persnickety heart
in order to keep
fever down
I can't just
open up for anyone -
unfurl rose spectrum
of precise art and language
that comes from heart
and dictates skeleton
to dance in ecstatic
primal possession
I am flint
crafted for
reciprocal ignition
upon inherent nature
of symmetric material
and you know, my heart
has never been blasted off hinges
with body in tandem, 100%
but I know that it
can and will
heal all the things
burn up the pain,
the unbelonging
wipe the slate free
of tormented cravings
replacing with gratitudinal awe
Aug 10, 2017
Aug 10, 2017 at 12:34 PM UTC
there were times
when I filled my lonely cracks
with whatever sort of fit
though I knew
it wasn't really capable of
meeting me on all my levels -
intensity, emotion, intellect,
oddity, creativity, curiosity,
carnal abandon
I've found matches
but those compounds
burn out quickly
sparklestarts
fading
it's terrible how lonely I am
yet, resist being appeased
with (con)temporaries
it always ends up making me
more lonely
after crave subsides
and short-lived chems exit
the self-loathings start chanting
*we ******* told you so*
when my heart says nope
which it almost always does,
at some percentage,
my body knows -
I'm there, but not fully
in it:
walled distrustful protection mode
no wide open uninhibited throes
it's aspects of yes, meshed with no
it's why
a majority of my encounters
have involved substances
my addiction is afflicted
with knowing
it won't be
the thing I crave
so I numbed
my persnickety heart
in order to keep
fever down
I can't just
open up for anyone -
unfurl rose spectrum
of precise art and language
that comes from heart
and dictates skeleton
to dance in ecstatic
primal possession
I am flint
crafted for
reciprocal ignition
upon inherent nature
of symmetric material
and you know, my heart
has never been blasted off hinges
with body in tandem, 100%
but I know that it
can and will
heal all the things
burn up the pain,
the unbelonging
wipe the slate free
of tormented cravings
replacing with gratitudinal awe
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