i use to think blue was my favorite color because of the sky
i never thought it was because of your eyes
but once i saw them i understood
and you replaced the sky and everything in your path
i fell, fell harder than i ever have
and although my life has been full of problems
the biggest one is you
every flaw, every single thing you hated about yourself, i loved about you
every nagging, every put down, every curse, i banished, i stopped you from letting them out
and though you let my words fly south
i stayed. i listened. i felt your pain as if it was my own
one day i hoped you would have noticed
one day i hoped that instead of telling your guys that i was just a friend,
you wished i was more.
i wished your feelings would pour
pour through your chest as my tears did down the drain
that every memory of me was hidden away in a special box, sealed and marked fragile do not touch
but they weren't
my feelings aren't reciprocated because of one simple reason
i'm fat
my weight doesn't correspond with my height
my body doesn't look right
my heart is big but so are my thighs
and even when i try
it's not enough
you've never straight out said this but i can read between lines you have so easily drawn
like the strings to my heart tugged like a puppet master
starving yourself is wrong, that's what they teach you in health class
but when you are fat heads turn the other way and suddenly it becomes okay
on day five i felt like i wanted to cry because i stepped on the scale and didn't lose an ounce
and yet i drank my weight in water and pushed myself farther than i ever have before only to sink to the floor
i went to the kitchen to consume my doom but only a salad because i hadn't given up so soon and it was okay
it didn't make my day like ice cream on apple pie or chocolate cake
instead it ruined it when i got on the scale and gained a pound
i could starve myself for days outweight the amount of calories burned to the ones taken in and not lose anything
but the second i eat even if it's healthy the scale tips like it tips my whole world upside down
i am told i just need to eat healthy and exercise but if that was the case why do the people who eat nothing but trash have flatter abs than me
and then they are the ones to tell me i am unhealthy
i go to bed late so i can get up even later, sleeping past breakfast and lunch
i then force myself to go swimming and put on a two piece to remind myself why i'm even doing this in the first place
in a haste i swim around my pool and do workouts for hours until i completely lose feeling in my legs
you're not suppose to eat after seven but that's when mom gets home and we have dinner
i pretend i'm feeling sick so i don't have to eat and although she sees through my lies
beauty is more important than being healthy
Aug 3, 2017
Aug 3, 2017 at 8:38 PM UTC
i use to think blue was my favorite color because of the sky
i never thought it was because of your eyes
but once i saw them i understood
and you replaced the sky and everything in your path
i fell, fell harder than i ever have
and although my life has been full of problems
the biggest one is you
every flaw, every single thing you hated about yourself, i loved about you
every nagging, every put down, every curse, i banished, i stopped you from letting them out
and though you let my words fly south
i stayed. i listened. i felt your pain as if it was my own
one day i hoped you would have noticed
one day i hoped that instead of telling your guys that i was just a friend,
you wished i was more.
i wished your feelings would pour
pour through your chest as my tears did down the drain
that every memory of me was hidden away in a special box, sealed and marked fragile do not touch
but they weren't
my feelings aren't reciprocated because of one simple reason
i'm fat
my weight doesn't correspond with my height
my body doesn't look right
my heart is big but so are my thighs
and even when i try
it's not enough
you've never straight out said this but i can read between lines you have so easily drawn
like the strings to my heart tugged like a puppet master
starving yourself is wrong, that's what they teach you in health class
but when you are fat heads turn the other way and suddenly it becomes okay
on day five i felt like i wanted to cry because i stepped on the scale and didn't lose an ounce
and yet i drank my weight in water and pushed myself farther than i ever have before only to sink to the floor
i went to the kitchen to consume my doom but only a salad because i hadn't given up so soon and it was okay
it didn't make my day like ice cream on apple pie or chocolate cake
instead it ruined it when i got on the scale and gained a pound
i could starve myself for days outweight the amount of calories burned to the ones taken in and not lose anything
but the second i eat even if it's healthy the scale tips like it tips my whole world upside down
i am told i just need to eat healthy and exercise but if that was the case why do the people who eat nothing but trash have flatter abs than me
and then they are the ones to tell me i am unhealthy
i go to bed late so i can get up even later, sleeping past breakfast and lunch
i then force myself to go swimming and put on a two piece to remind myself why i'm even doing this in the first place
in a haste i swim around my pool and do workouts for hours until i completely lose feeling in my legs
you're not suppose to eat after seven but that's when mom gets home and we have dinner
i pretend i'm feeling sick so i don't have to eat and although she sees through my lies
beauty is more important than being healthy