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NesteaPoems
Send some rain, please God send some rain For the earth is dry and needs to drink again -- And I know not how to speak to You anymore I’ve run and run and run from You I have feared, disgraced, shunned, and longed for You All in single breaths, all in one gasp There is too much, Lord This wall is too thick Too high, too strong The gate is shut and I know not, remember not, the key Did I hold the palette knife, Lord? Was it I that mixed the concrete and placed the bricks? Who drew those plans? There is not a day I remember Where I decided to shut down and shut off and shut away The people on the outside Things are safer on the inside, this I know That this mind is a trap and this body is a bomb But at least it isn’t as frightening as the ones outside -- But no, that isn’t true I’ve seen how this mind will break and this body will fail How the counter keeps ticking down down down How I will run out of tape and glue to piece These cracked halves and splinters back again I’ve watched myself snap, teeth bared and nails out Primitive and carnal, ready to destroy and **** Sluggish, depleted, apathetic, incapable, laying on the floor Wheezing breath in and out, body crumpled to the ground He says he loves me God, isn’t that hysterical? I have fallen too far for people to love me, o God I have not quality Nor quantity to make up for it I don’t know how to feel safe with others How to trust and how to love Perpetually planning, there is a degree of calculation In every move I make, every word I speak, every breath I take The alarm bells will not stop -- stop! -- ringing Everyone is faulty, everyone is dangerous I cannot make them safe to me Or this odious warning system I write to feel I speak to find help But I am not better I am not alright God? God, are You out there? They spoke of You in church this morning. Every Sunday is another battlecry of you. The mere mortals moralize and maneuver They built their society on You, But lost You in their rules -- Hell is empty, all the devils are here -- The Sadducees live again in this century, o Lord I know His was only a single ticket But perhaps there is another plane He could take, God I was told this wall needed to descend for You, God “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” But I have never reached for You You know this, I know this I am looping round and round This reads more like a child’s diary entry than a poem A confused convoluted confession Not a profession, a solution, a heartfelt love My God, You have got to save me Medication might save or destroy my brain But it will touch not my soul I don’t know how to love You love me Could You teach me what it means? God I would serenade You for Your love David’s desperation and my muted, confused despair are one: Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, Where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, Where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying; My throat is dry; My eyes fail while I wait for my God.
0
Mar 13, 2017
Mar 13, 2017 at 11:26 PM UTC
A Prayer to God: Send Some Rain
Send some rain, please God send some rain For the earth is dry and needs to drink again -- And I know not how to speak to You anymore I’ve run and run and run from You I have feared, disgraced, shunned, and longed for You All in single breaths, all in one gasp There is too much, Lord This wall is too thick Too high, too strong The gate is shut and I know not, remember not, the key Did I hold the palette knife, Lord? Was it I that mixed the concrete and placed the bricks? Who drew those plans? There is not a day I remember Where I decided to shut down and shut off and shut away The people on the outside Things are safer on the inside, this I know That this mind is a trap and this body is a bomb But at least it isn’t as frightening as the ones outside -- But no, that isn’t true I’ve seen how this mind will break and this body will fail How the counter keeps ticking down down down How I will run out of tape and glue to piece These cracked halves and splinters back again I’ve watched myself snap, teeth bared and nails out Primitive and carnal, ready to destroy and **** Sluggish, depleted, apathetic, incapable, laying on the floor Wheezing breath in and out, body crumpled to the ground He says he loves me God, isn’t that hysterical? I have fallen too far for people to love me, o God I have not quality Nor quantity to make up for it I don’t know how to feel safe with others How to trust and how to love Perpetually planning, there is a degree of calculation In every move I make, every word I speak, every breath I take The alarm bells will not stop -- stop! -- ringing Everyone is faulty, everyone is dangerous I cannot make them safe to me Or this odious warning system I write to feel I speak to find help But I am not better I am not alright God? God, are You out there? They spoke of You in church this morning. Every Sunday is another battlecry of you. The mere mortals moralize and maneuver They built their society on You, But lost You in their rules -- Hell is empty, all the devils are here -- The Sadducees live again in this century, o Lord I know His was only a single ticket But perhaps there is another plane He could take, God I was told this wall needed to descend for You, God “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” But I have never reached for You You know this, I know this I am looping round and round This reads more like a child’s diary entry than a poem A confused convoluted confession Not a profession, a solution, a heartfelt love My God, You have got to save me Medication might save or destroy my brain But it will touch not my soul I don’t know how to love You love me Could You teach me what it means? God I would serenade You for Your love David’s desperation and my muted, confused despair are one: Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, Where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, Where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying; My throat is dry; My eyes fail while I wait for my God.
#depression#prayer#need#god#anxiety#a#to#despair
Nestea
Written by
Nestea
Mar 13, 2017
Mar 13, 2017 at 11:26 PM UTC
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