i know what my problem is,
what my problem has always been.
i hate myself
in every way possible.
i hate the way i look
but thats just the surface.
i hate the way i think
and feel the most.
my mind twists everything
into an unrecognizable image
and tells me that this is the way
things are and have to be.
and i feel with such despair
that my heart renders
my mind useless
in the face of fear.
i can't talk myself
out of a panic
because my heart is so loud
that reason is lost in the sound.
so i hide my heart
and my mind
and i do what i can
about the way i look.
but it's not as easy
when my heart
and mind demand to be heard
when my composure
wears off at night.
then i turn into
the pathetic disaster
i've always been.
the mess of a person
that i've kept hidden.
and believe me,
i want to change.
because i know
that asking someone to love me
the way i am
is far too great a task.
who could look at a person
that screams curses
at the mirror with such relentless
sadness and hate
and decide to love them?
well i was hoping you could.
i don't know if that's
too much to ask,
for someone so beautiful
to love such a mess.
am i way
out of line
to wish that you
would hold me and tell me
that everything is fine?
should i leave such desires
for daydreams and poetry?
because my stupid heart
wants me to beg you
to stay and love me.
Nov 7, 2016
Nov 7, 2016 at 3:07 PM UTC
i know what my problem is,
what my problem has always been.
i hate myself
in every way possible.
i hate the way i look
but thats just the surface.
i hate the way i think
and feel the most.
my mind twists everything
into an unrecognizable image
and tells me that this is the way
things are and have to be.
and i feel with such despair
that my heart renders
my mind useless
in the face of fear.
i can't talk myself
out of a panic
because my heart is so loud
that reason is lost in the sound.
so i hide my heart
and my mind
and i do what i can
about the way i look.
but it's not as easy
when my heart
and mind demand to be heard
when my composure
wears off at night.
then i turn into
the pathetic disaster
i've always been.
the mess of a person
that i've kept hidden.
and believe me,
i want to change.
because i know
that asking someone to love me
the way i am
is far too great a task.
who could look at a person
that screams curses
at the mirror with such relentless
sadness and hate
and decide to love them?
well i was hoping you could.
i don't know if that's
too much to ask,
for someone so beautiful
to love such a mess.
am i way
out of line
to wish that you
would hold me and tell me
that everything is fine?
should i leave such desires
for daydreams and poetry?
because my stupid heart
wants me to beg you
to stay and love me.
