I saw you again last night
You were in my house
In this dream, I lived on the first floor
Of some elaborate vintage hotel
The opulence that surrounded us
Juxtaposed the dissonance
Of our internal dispositions
The true feelings we never shared
You were in my room
You kissed me and I knew
Something wasn't right
Really, something wasn't right
Even in real life
So I started to project
My true and honest feelings
Like I felt I never totally could
Wanting what I wanted
Seemed to be the opposite of yours
And I never wanted to let you down
Always the opposite, never the same
Constant clashing of ideals
Never peace, torn in between
What I wanted and what you said you needed
So I finally told you, I needed to be done
If not for my own sake, then for yours
So we didn't self destruct
And completely tear each other apart
As I said those words
You said some in return
About how you thought something
Had always been wrong
That hit deep in my soul because I knew it too
I didn't want to admit that
I wasn't ready to love you
I was emotionally closed off
But thought I could squeeze you in there
Along with all the other feelings
I was too ashamed to tell you about
So I let it go
I let us build up the hope
Of something permanent
When I didn't feel ready
I felt like I was partly participating
And partly spectating
Only half committed
Because you only had half my heart
And I can't help how I felt
I just did a ****** job
Of handling it and not being honest
I couldn't tell you
That the reason I couldn't tell you
That I wanted to be with you forever
Was because I didn't see it like you did
You said I was your world
And I can't help that I didn't feel it
There was nothing you could have done
To make yourself my entire world
You knew you weren't and you tried hard
You really tried to make me love you more
I wasn't ready, I was so preoccupied
With still loving a boy that was never mine
He wasnt ready for me like I wasn't ready for you
Constantly wanting the inaccessible
It was my fault I said yes when I didn't know
I loved you yes, but I could have loved you more
So, for that, I'm sorry
I can't fix the things I did
And my heart hurts that I hurt yours
I'm sorry for not being honest
But I'm not sorry
For being myself
And for chasing my dreams
For leaving home
Even though you were left alone
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 3:53 PM UTC
I saw you again last night
You were in my house
In this dream, I lived on the first floor
Of some elaborate vintage hotel
The opulence that surrounded us
Juxtaposed the dissonance
Of our internal dispositions
The true feelings we never shared
You were in my room
You kissed me and I knew
Something wasn't right
Really, something wasn't right
Even in real life
So I started to project
My true and honest feelings
Like I felt I never totally could
Wanting what I wanted
Seemed to be the opposite of yours
And I never wanted to let you down
Always the opposite, never the same
Constant clashing of ideals
Never peace, torn in between
What I wanted and what you said you needed
So I finally told you, I needed to be done
If not for my own sake, then for yours
So we didn't self destruct
And completely tear each other apart
As I said those words
You said some in return
About how you thought something
Had always been wrong
That hit deep in my soul because I knew it too
I didn't want to admit that
I wasn't ready to love you
I was emotionally closed off
But thought I could squeeze you in there
Along with all the other feelings
I was too ashamed to tell you about
So I let it go
I let us build up the hope
Of something permanent
When I didn't feel ready
I felt like I was partly participating
And partly spectating
Only half committed
Because you only had half my heart
And I can't help how I felt
I just did a ****** job
Of handling it and not being honest
I couldn't tell you
That the reason I couldn't tell you
That I wanted to be with you forever
Was because I didn't see it like you did
You said I was your world
And I can't help that I didn't feel it
There was nothing you could have done
To make yourself my entire world
You knew you weren't and you tried hard
You really tried to make me love you more
I wasn't ready, I was so preoccupied
With still loving a boy that was never mine
He wasnt ready for me like I wasn't ready for you
Constantly wanting the inaccessible
It was my fault I said yes when I didn't know
I loved you yes, but I could have loved you more
So, for that, I'm sorry
I can't fix the things I did
And my heart hurts that I hurt yours
I'm sorry for not being honest
But I'm not sorry
For being myself
And for chasing my dreams
For leaving home
Even though you were left alone
I'm sorry this is harsh, but I'm trying this new thing where I'm totally honest about my emotions and it's been kind of rough. I never wanted to hurt you, of all people
