Will you still love me?

cassandra-forte Poems

Will you still love me when my makeup’s black smudges across my face? Will you still love me when I drink too much and bile’s lurking in my mouth? Will you still love me when I’m chain-smoking on the porch and my teeth are all stained? Will you still love me when I don’t know what to say and I can’t make you feel better? Will you still love me when I go for long walks and don’t come back for days? Will you still love me when we wake up and I can’t bare to look at you? Will you still love me when I won’t budge and have stopped making sense? Will you still love me When I tell you I just don’t know anymore and am not sure I ever did? Will you still love me when I’m completely reckless and choose a drug-induced haze? Will you still love me when I scream obscenities and say how much I hate you? Will you still love me when I’m restless and impulsive and decide to drive from Chicago to L.A.? Will you still love me when I can’t tell you everything and need to be alone? Will you still love me when I don’t call for days and then fall in love with you again? Will you still love me when I make mistakes and feel I don’t deserve forgiveness? Will you still love me when I question all that I am and yell that I was never good enough? Will you still love me when the music stops and we can’t think of what to say? Will you still love me when I need to write and sktech and question the value of what I made? Will you still love me when my mind is melting and I act like the shell of who I was? Will you still love me when I make stupid jokes and criticize myself? Will you still love me when I don’t want to eat anymore and survive only on coffee and water? Will you still love me when I beg you to sing and your voice is fading and harsh? Will you still love me when I think about my past and can’t get out of bed? Will you still love me when I’m cynical and despondent and everything’s unreal? Will you still love me when I hurt myself and still feel numb? Will you still love me when I don’t make sense and I need to destroy **** Will you still love me when I admit how isolated I am and you can’t convince me to open up? Will you still love me when I push you away and need you to stay? Will you still love me when I can’t see straight and I’m okay with dying? Will you still love me when I’m awkward and shy and do anything to avoid your eyes? Will you still love me when I think I want to leave and know I can’t? Will you still love me when I run to the city and I’m sick of seeing these stars? Will you still love me when I’m picky and annoyed and just need to scream? Will you still love me when I tell you what I am and how you just can’t fix the shattered bits? Will you still love me when I need all the blankets and it’s winter outside? Will you still love me when I spend all our money on ***** and cigarettes and pills? Will you still love me when I’m losing control and the only thing spinning is my head? Will you still love me when I’ve gone crazy and won’t listen to a thing you say? Will you still love me when I write my world in ink and eat the pages so you can’t read them? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and it’s not even good? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and won’t ever let you see it? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and will never mention it? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and I’ve lost sleep over you? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and I’ve decided it’s all impossible? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and you couldn’t ever see me “that way”? Will you still love me when I’ve written this all for you and you never even loved me at all? Could you ever love me when I’m insane and too scared to try?