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anjana-raoPoems
The worst thing, most insidious thing about trauma is that it doesn’t matter what anyone does, in the end, everything is, (must be, has to be) your fault. Trauma is a voice: *you should have known, you should have done more, you should have stood up for yourself, what is wrong with you, do you want to be miserable, why did you trust, don’t you ever learn?* Trauma is you watching you watching what you do, watching what you don’t do, watching it all go by. Trauma is a voice: *do something do something do something.* Trauma is screaming at a pre-taped football game, expecting a different outcome. Trauma is begging the fictional character to not open the door when there is clearly a killer waiting. Trauma is the hole you keep finding yourself in, whether or not you see it, maybe you fall in, maybe you dive in, it doesn’t make a difference. Trauma is painful - repeated openings of the same wounds, hitting a bruise again, again, again, watching the colors change - but mostly, it’s an embarrassment. Trauma is a voice: *This is fine. You can’t tell. This is fine. You can’t tell. This is fine. You can’t tell.* Trauma is your best kept secret. Trauma is the kind of ****** up that can’t be named, can’t be explained. Trauma is the kind of ****** up that is too deep to be fixed. Trauma is who you are.
0
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 3:17 PM UTC
Trauma
The worst thing, most insidious thing about trauma is that it doesn’t matter what anyone does, in the end, everything is, (must be, has to be) your fault. Trauma is a voice: *you should have known, you should have done more, you should have stood up for yourself, what is wrong with you, do you want to be miserable, why did you trust, don’t you ever learn?* Trauma is you watching you watching what you do, watching what you don’t do, watching it all go by. Trauma is a voice: *do something do something do something.* Trauma is screaming at a pre-taped football game, expecting a different outcome. Trauma is begging the fictional character to not open the door when there is clearly a killer waiting. Trauma is the hole you keep finding yourself in, whether or not you see it, maybe you fall in, maybe you dive in, it doesn’t make a difference. Trauma is painful - repeated openings of the same wounds, hitting a bruise again, again, again, watching the colors change - but mostly, it’s an embarrassment. Trauma is a voice: *This is fine. You can’t tell. This is fine. You can’t tell. This is fine. You can’t tell.* Trauma is your best kept secret. Trauma is the kind of ****** up that can’t be named, can’t be explained. Trauma is the kind of ****** up that is too deep to be fixed. Trauma is who you are.
#abuse#trauma#dissociation
Written by
anjana-rao
Apr 9, 2016
Apr 9, 2016 at 3:17 PM UTC
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