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julia-annPoems
*This poem is a creative response to The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.* Alone. Three years gone, all Spent in this room. I barely leave, I don’t try. I Know I am desolate. I see it And so do they. I live, but I don’t feel alive. Why eat? I don’t deserve food. I don’t feel the need to indulge in the senses. I merely don’t crave it. Every night... I stay up staring at the dimly lit Walls. Every day... I Lie awake while the sun peaks Through the cracks in the blinds Illuminating my only companion. I gaze into the eyes of the Walls. They stare back Watching me struggle. Laughing at my regression. What is happiness? Joviality? What is a gleeful day? A happy thought? I Wouldn’t know. Because I... Well I am nothing. Nothing To him, and nothing to you. I am repulsive. Who could Stand my reflection, it’s Repugnant. I have removed the mirrors In the room that holds me Captive. Like my self-esteem They are shattered at my Own gross reflection. Gave up. I gave up long ago, I’m hopeless. Incurable. I have become nothing. And Like the rest, my Husband Will leave me soon. I don’t concentrate. I can’t. I used to pulse energy of Knowledge to minds that Drank the gulps of enlightenment Making their brain’s throb. He tells me; I’m sick. I Tell him; I’ll cope. He gives Me a pill once a day, I keep it under my tongue. He repeats over and over… ‘I am a Doctor, and I will help you.’ He’s not helping me. It’s for himself. His own self Appearance. He wants to look Proficient to his patients. If he Cared he would listen to my words. He would have heard the cries In the script I taught and wrote. My friends are gone, they Left me to wallow in the Eyes of the paint that covers These Walls. Sometimes I’m disillusioned That people care when I speak, Until I realize that we are all The same. In small groups That my Husband leads we talk About our lives that are left in Shambles… We discuss our own Worthlessness. Utter forlorn diction To one another. We understand The lexicons we produce. We are All alike. We write our thoughts But no one cares. Together we look for Happiness, But she hides from our group. My Husband, the Doctor He pries when we talk. Pries for more. He questions me About the Walls. He thinks they May be alive, in the eyes of myself. He thinks they talk, he thinks I talk Back. But the Walls can’t talk; The Walls can only judge. They judge my dreadful appearance, They judge my inability to change. The Walls deem me an unfit wife, A Mother of nothing, a friend of No one, a tragedy to this World. He thinks I misplaced my Sanity, As if I’ve gone madd. I may see No light in the day, for I am Not blind, I am just alone. I have made the attempts But I have never set a plan. I don’t have the capacity to Project my future, I can only react. Reacting is what I did... What I’ve Done. I reacted to the Walls constantly Judging me. I reacted to a three year Aversion to the outside World. I reacted to my reality. The only way I knew how, I Reacted. The Walls think they Can judge me? Now the Walls are Judged. It was your fault, your Eyes pierced my soul, and Stole the breath from my lungs. I was not deranged, my faculties, Were never vanished but my heart was. I lost my smile, I lost my life... everything I knew... I reacted. I left my body contained To those Walls that judged my dreadful display, I rose above and looked down... And I saw a smile.
0
Dec 13, 2011
Dec 13, 2011 at 8:30 PM UTC
These Walls
*This poem is a creative response to The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.* Alone. Three years gone, all Spent in this room. I barely leave, I don’t try. I Know I am desolate. I see it And so do they. I live, but I don’t feel alive. Why eat? I don’t deserve food. I don’t feel the need to indulge in the senses. I merely don’t crave it. Every night... I stay up staring at the dimly lit Walls. Every day... I Lie awake while the sun peaks Through the cracks in the blinds Illuminating my only companion. I gaze into the eyes of the Walls. They stare back Watching me struggle. Laughing at my regression. What is happiness? Joviality? What is a gleeful day? A happy thought? I Wouldn’t know. Because I... Well I am nothing. Nothing To him, and nothing to you. I am repulsive. Who could Stand my reflection, it’s Repugnant. I have removed the mirrors In the room that holds me Captive. Like my self-esteem They are shattered at my Own gross reflection. Gave up. I gave up long ago, I’m hopeless. Incurable. I have become nothing. And Like the rest, my Husband Will leave me soon. I don’t concentrate. I can’t. I used to pulse energy of Knowledge to minds that Drank the gulps of enlightenment Making their brain’s throb. He tells me; I’m sick. I Tell him; I’ll cope. He gives Me a pill once a day, I keep it under my tongue. He repeats over and over… ‘I am a Doctor, and I will help you.’ He’s not helping me. It’s for himself. His own self Appearance. He wants to look Proficient to his patients. If he Cared he would listen to my words. He would have heard the cries In the script I taught and wrote. My friends are gone, they Left me to wallow in the Eyes of the paint that covers These Walls. Sometimes I’m disillusioned That people care when I speak, Until I realize that we are all The same. In small groups That my Husband leads we talk About our lives that are left in Shambles… We discuss our own Worthlessness. Utter forlorn diction To one another. We understand The lexicons we produce. We are All alike. We write our thoughts But no one cares. Together we look for Happiness, But she hides from our group. My Husband, the Doctor He pries when we talk. Pries for more. He questions me About the Walls. He thinks they May be alive, in the eyes of myself. He thinks they talk, he thinks I talk Back. But the Walls can’t talk; The Walls can only judge. They judge my dreadful appearance, They judge my inability to change. The Walls deem me an unfit wife, A Mother of nothing, a friend of No one, a tragedy to this World. He thinks I misplaced my Sanity, As if I’ve gone madd. I may see No light in the day, for I am Not blind, I am just alone. I have made the attempts But I have never set a plan. I don’t have the capacity to Project my future, I can only react. Reacting is what I did... What I’ve Done. I reacted to the Walls constantly Judging me. I reacted to a three year Aversion to the outside World. I reacted to my reality. The only way I knew how, I Reacted. The Walls think they Can judge me? Now the Walls are Judged. It was your fault, your Eyes pierced my soul, and Stole the breath from my lungs. I was not deranged, my faculties, Were never vanished but my heart was. I lost my smile, I lost my life... everything I knew... I reacted. I left my body contained To those Walls that judged my dreadful display, I rose above and looked down... And I saw a smile.
Written by
julia-ann
Dec 13, 2011
Dec 13, 2011 at 8:30 PM UTC
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