Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a computer mouse
All of the people and pets
Were nestled in bed
Waiting for a fat man
In a flying -reindeer sled
Just as I ventured
To slip off to sleep
A noise -- maybe a clatter
Was heard from the street
I ran to get me a view
Opening the window
I put my head through
Down on the corner
Across from the jail
A fat drunken bearded man
Was singing off key
Merry Christmas to all you boys
I hope ya all make it out without fail
The kettle had just enough money
To make my own flippin bail
I was annoyed so I yelled down
Go home you soppin santa --you stinkin clown
GO HOME-
So the real Santa might actually appear
F*** off you a** hole he yelled back
As he popped open a beer
I am the real santa you **** head
Then he sorta suggested
My reindeer flew off when I was arrested
Mrs. Clause is so cold
Them elves is lucky they don't get molested
But if you're worried ya won't get your gift
Then get your dumba** down here
And give me a lift
Hastily dressing I wondered
If anyone else might have heard
But the way they were snoring
Obviously they heard not a word
Grabbing a jacket I picked up my keys
Went out to take this crazy drunk home
So that he won't freeze
When I finally found him
It way back behind the dumpster
Where he was tossing his cookies
Being eyeballs by two coppers
Who looked like a pair of rookies
"COME ON " I pleaded " lets get you home"
He peered at his wristwatch"sh** he exclaimed
I'm supposed to be delivering gifts in Maine
He clumped into my new Volvo --stinking of *****
"A Volvo" he sneered why couldn't you drive a Ford ..comet
Then he mumbled some words below his stale breath
And my car floated up in the air -- scaring me to death
He yelled out commands as my car shot forward
"Rides pretty nice" he muttttered" but not as nice as a Ford"
"On Volvo .. On Volvo .. On ..oh heck .. Just hook a left
No nonono I mean right
Then he yelled out the window
MERRY(buuurp) CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD EFFEN
NIGHT. ** ** Cough cough Hoooo!!
Dec 27, 2015
Dec 27, 2015 at 7:36 AM UTC
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a computer mouse
All of the people and pets
Were nestled in bed
Waiting for a fat man
In a flying -reindeer sled
Just as I ventured
To slip off to sleep
A noise -- maybe a clatter
Was heard from the street
I ran to get me a view
Opening the window
I put my head through
Down on the corner
Across from the jail
A fat drunken bearded man
Was singing off key
Merry Christmas to all you boys
I hope ya all make it out without fail
The kettle had just enough money
To make my own flippin bail
I was annoyed so I yelled down
Go home you soppin santa --you stinkin clown
GO HOME-
So the real Santa might actually appear
F*** off you a** hole he yelled back
As he popped open a beer
I am the real santa you **** head
Then he sorta suggested
My reindeer flew off when I was arrested
Mrs. Clause is so cold
Them elves is lucky they don't get molested
But if you're worried ya won't get your gift
Then get your dumba** down here
And give me a lift
Hastily dressing I wondered
If anyone else might have heard
But the way they were snoring
Obviously they heard not a word
Grabbing a jacket I picked up my keys
Went out to take this crazy drunk home
So that he won't freeze
When I finally found him
It way back behind the dumpster
Where he was tossing his cookies
Being eyeballs by two coppers
Who looked like a pair of rookies
"COME ON " I pleaded " lets get you home"
He peered at his wristwatch"sh** he exclaimed
I'm supposed to be delivering gifts in Maine
He clumped into my new Volvo --stinking of *****
"A Volvo" he sneered why couldn't you drive a Ford ..comet
Then he mumbled some words below his stale breath
And my car floated up in the air -- scaring me to death
He yelled out commands as my car shot forward
"Rides pretty nice" he muttttered" but not as nice as a Ford"
"On Volvo .. On Volvo .. On ..oh heck .. Just hook a left
No nonono I mean right
Then he yelled out the window
MERRY(buuurp) CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD EFFEN
NIGHT. ** ** Cough cough Hoooo!!
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