It's Not You, It's Me?

megb42290 Poems

Sometimes I worry that I will always be alone. Oh, hey, aren't I cliche? 24-years-young and talking like an old maid. But you know what, **** whoever decided that just because you're young, loneliness isn't a concern, and just because you have time ahead of you doesn't mean living without love isn't painful. Every man, if you can even call them that, that peaks my interest finds a reason to say, it's not you, it's me, but at this point, as I watch everyone around me settle down and find someone, I can't help but wonder if it's not them, it's me. I try to think about what I look like on paper. I am the first to admit my flaws. I'm not the skinniest, I'm not the funniest, I'm not the coolest, I talk too much, I involve myself too often and too deeply in others, I am overly sensitive, I have never been popular, and I'm sure I could name at least 50 other things someone would find less-than-favorable. But then I try to remember that I am ambitious, I am bright, I am kind, I am empathetic, I am family-oriented; I have a lot of hobbies, I can always hold a conversation, and I've been told I'm pretty at least on an occasion or two. I'm not all good, but I'm not all bad. And I think, as cheesy as it sounds, that everyone is entitled to love. So I can't help but wonder what I'm putting into the universe, what I'm lacking, what more I need to do before someone can love me; **** even just staying interested for more than a couple weeks, even that would suffice. This isn't some self-deprecating, some depressing ode of a sad single girl. It's just a series of words to question why and where and how and when I will find love, why I'm still lacking, who I'm waiting for. What explanation is there for this loneliness, for these years I've spent love-less, for even the years prior where the "love" I felt was so wrong and destructive? Is it me? Or Is it them?